I want stories of lunatic neighbors

Hard to say. The consequences might not yet have caught up with him. His behavior seems to be intensifying. Hopefully, he’ll end up locked up or in a forced rehab before he hurts someone. Behavior like this never ends well.

 

Wild ass guess, but I wager that whenever it will eventually grab the attention of his probation officer and/or the presiding judge, then it's up to them to revoke his ticket.

 

I feel like 98% of the time people on probation aren’t allowed to drink, so the fact this isn’t a violation is astonishing me.

 

Tony would get a good dose of gel pepper spray for walking up on me in my garage

 

Or not, that's the issue

Yes at least if alcohol is part of the initial offense

 

Not my neighbor, but I think it's worth posting for a laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQdZ2Z9m9wE

 

You are in Cali...they don't keep people locked up anymore.

 

So I have a genuinely crazy neighbor. Lets just call him Fred. I move into my house and after a week or so I get out my little John Deere to mow the grass. I have seen my neighbor, Fred, but I have not yet met him. Fred sees me mowing and decides he'll do the same. Now Fred's yard is quite overgrown and is a bit of a junk yard in the back. Fred tinkers on old trucks, dirt bikes, and four wheelers so there is a constantly changing pile of stuff over there. Well today, hidden in his foot or so tall grass, is a Reese Hitch. Not the part with the ball on it but the whole damn assembly. Fred has got his Murray mower in high gear and he runs right over this hitch. It sounded like the world was ending as the mower deck just came apart and the engine stopped dead in it's tracks. Fred commences yelling cuss words at the top of his lungs and screaming at the mower like it's somehow the mower's fault. He then stomps inside and slams the door. I throttle back up and continue mowing my yard. Thirty minutes or so later I finish with my little John Deere and I park it over by my water hose so I can clean it up after it cools down. I then proceed to do the trim work with the edger, weed eater, and blower. I look back up and Fred is back outside and he is now apparently going to mow the rest of his yard with his weed eater. I must admit that I'm impressed by his dedication. So here we both are weed eating, me doing trim work, and Fred doing the whole half acre! Well it's not too long before Fred's weed eater runs out of gas and cuts off. This does not sit well with Fred as he apparently was perplexed as to why it cut off. Fred begins to shake his trimmer and cuss at it in a manner that would make a drunken sailor blush. He then throws it on the ground and starts to kick it around. He then starts to cuss everything, the trimmer, me, the sun, God, cars passing by, literally everything. In awe at what I am witnessing, I have cut my trimmer off and I'm just watching the show. Jerry Springer has got nothing on what is going down just beyond my fence. Fred is somehow getting more and more mad at this poor trimmer and then he really snaps. He grabs the trimmer by the wrong end, the part that does the cutting, and begins to swing it like a circus hammer. Every swing bringing the poor two stroke engine in to a collision with the ground in front of him. Each swing causes more damage to the trimmer with pieces of plastic and engine parts flying everywhere. Alas, the poor little engine breaks off of the shaft as it hits the ground. Fred, in a fit of rage still, is not done with the circus hammer antics and he winds up for another swing. Now the engine has disconnected from the shaft but the throttle cable is still hanging in there like a champ. As Fred raises the hammer, I mean trimmer shaft, to get another swing in he fails to see the engine coming. So picture this if you will. The trimmer shaft is coming up and the little two stroke engine in following connected only by the throttle cable. Think of a Trebuchet. Lever arm moves upward quite quickly and then the projectile, in this case the engine, is whipped into the air at the end of the rope, in this case the throttle cable. Let me just assure you that the little two stroke engine was moving quite fast as it whipped up into the air and hit Fred square in the face! Fred is down. Fred is not moving. I am frozen for a second because I'm positive that Fred is dead. Fred's face is covered with blood and he is laying lifelessly in his front yard with a weed eater on top of him. I drop my weed eater and start toward Fred when all of a sudden he sits up. I pause. Fred, looking quite confused, just stares blankly into the distance for a moment. He then gets up, looks at me and waves, then staggers into his house. I figure I'll give him a minute and then check on him to see if he's ok. As I'm putting my tools up I can hear him shuffling around next door. A few minutes go by and Fred emerges from his house and starts walking over towards me. He has cleaned himself up but his blood stained shirt and bruised face still clearly show there was a struggle. Fred approaches me and apologizes saying that he is sorry for cussing at me and acting like a tool, his words. He explains that he just loses it some times. He asks me to not think badly of him and that he hopes we can be friends. I tell him that I understand and that we all lose it sometimes. I ask if he's ok and he says for the most part yes. We both stand there for a moment quietly. Fred then says alright then and begins walking home. Not sure how I need to feel about what just went down, I am sure that I need to continue to not laugh. Fred then turns around and asks me this. Hey buddy, do you think I could maybe borrow your weed eater? I lost it! I have never laughed so hard in my life! I was sure that was going to set him off but it didn't. He laughed too. Me and Fred are pretty good friends now and no, I did not loan him my weed eater!

 

Ny is worse currently.

 

Haha. Thanks for sharing!

 

Now that is funny, I laughed so hard I cried.

 

Great story!!!

 

Good story with a nice ending to it as well, haha. PS if he still has that old Murray that transaxle might be worth some serious cash..

 

Colorado isn't trying its best to become CA-lite

 

Here's a quick dick head neighbor story of recently. Dick head little 2wd ford ranger that for some reason he decided to drive in the grass. Its been raining like crazy here recently so the ground is very soft. Naturally the truck got stuck in the yard, but he could move back and forth about 10ft. And so he did just that for almost an hour going back and forth foot the floor spinning the tire and digger it deeper and deeper everytime. So I plopped out a chair and watched drinking a beer. And like always looks at me dead in the eyes and spits. If he would have asked for help I might have even given it to him and yank him out but no, screams yells and spits. The truck sat there for a few more days.

 

I'm the guy who mows his lawn at 5:45 AM

 

I work nights, so I come home at 6AM on the motorcycle, including Sat and Sun morning. Grab a beer and wave to everyone going to work while I play with the dogs. Check the mail in the afternoon in PJ pants and a cup of coffee. If it’s cold I might put on the wife’s Terry cloth robe. I can only imagine what some think. I just smile and wave.

 

My tweaker neighbor, Tony, is at it again. So, a couple of weeks ago he had a blow out with the BMW driver I call “the big guy”. Tony called the PD and got the big guy arrested for trespass. Tony was being his usual idiot self, but had the presence of mind to reel it back enough to not get himself arrested too when the Deputies told him to go inside. The big guy was released the following day and they are all good again right after that. I don’t get it, but it’s not my life either.
Fast forward to today, and Tony and the big guy had an altercation in the front yard that started with yelling insults, and ended with Tony coming at the big guy with a pipe or piece of wood, taking some wild swings, then hitting the BMW a couple of times and breaking a window. The big guy popped him and took the club from Tony. Pure ghetto comedy. Think of it as Sanford and Son, but angry, intense, and on meth. I didn’t see any of it, it was my wife who watched it all play out. I guess, after all the nonsense, there was a bunch of fast driving around the block and some screaming at each other, they everyone disappeared.
I was a little disappointed to find out the Police were not called, but that was not my decision. Too bad, an arrest for the attempted assault, making threats of great bodily harm, and vandalism would have violated the terms of Tony’s probation, and likely resulted in new charges. Long term, it may have resulted in getting those shit birds out of my neighborhood.
Well, the weekend isn’t over, and it seems like Tony has been getting high lately which most often results in fights and the PD showing up. An arrest would be a good thing as the increasing intensity and tempo of Tony’s drug-fueled psychosis makes me think it will lead to one of those monkeys killing the other at some point. Some of it is amusing to watch, but over the long run something bad is going to come of it.

 

Tony needs to get his shit together!