Dad jokes

This one was a great hit up in MN a while ago. Anything to have fun with the Canadians and their locations names. I'll bet @Caddmannq will remember it well.

 

Do you know how Canada got its name?

Four Voyagers were sitting around the campfire one night trying to come up with a name for the great vast wonderful area they were exploring.
Eventually, after many failed attempts to get everyone to agree to any of the offered suggestions, the smart one in the group said;
"We'll just write out the alphabet on bits of paper, eh. Then put them in my fox hat, and each of us will draw out a scrap until we spell a name, eh. Then that'll be it with no argument!"
"My doofus cousin Pascal will write it down for us, eh."

So they did and as the first Voyager drew his, he called out, "C, eh".
The second drew his and called out, "N, eh".
The third of course drew his and called out "D, eh".

Pascal wrote it out as:
C-a-N-a-D-a

 

That's as bad as the Ghandi & Mary Poppins joke.

Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of his life, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which caused him to be rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a: Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

So if the U.S. airlines, Continental and the Irish airlines, Aer Lingus were to merge, would it be called... Conilungus? (say it fast)

 

I have a clever and sly way with words. You might say I'm a cunning linguist.

 

Where do you find a cow with no legs?


















Wherever you left it.

 

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do…

It’s because I missed my exit.

 

If sweet dreams are made of cheese… Who am I to dis-a-brie?

 

Sweet Dreams are made of cheese,
Who am I to dis a brie?
I cheddar the world and the feta cheese.
Everybody's looking for Stilton.

 

This morning, Siri said, "Don’t call me Shirley." I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

 

I'm very happy with my job. You might say I'm a gruntled employee.

 

Whats brown and sticky?


A stick.



The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

 

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

 

I'm working on my second million. I gave up on my first.

 

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open."

 

During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.

 

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? Asking for a friend.

 

I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I'm taking something for it.

 

Mammas so fat she eats Wheat Thicks