Is my battery dead or am I going insane?

Connect + first, then - and you'll have no spark. Allowing that arc to happen has potential to damage the ECU. It's rare, but it happens.

 

Man I wish I was in the battery bussiness. Wonder how many perfectly good batteries are in the recycle bin. Don't know why but for some reason I looked at the date stamp on my diesel tractor battery yesterday it's 15 years old! The one in the Tacoma is 12 years old. If you gat a weak crank and ever thing else is ok replace it because you just did a battery check.

 

Once a lead acid goes flat completely, it's almost always time to give it the old heave ho. Sure, keep it around the house in something else that isn't a big deal to jump but in a vehicle, nope.

 

If you don't drive it for extended periods, connect a battery maintainer, makes batteries last a long as possible.
This one charges, maintains and desulphates wet and agm batteries.
Have used it for years.
CTEK MXS 5.0

 

I get a spark when connecting the - after the + is connected. It's just a little spark but it's a spark.

 

The purpose of connecting the positive first is to eliminate a spark at the battery where there may be explosive gases present.
Connect the pos+ to the pos+ terminal and then connect the neg- to the engine block or similar good ground that is away from any potential battery gases. Any sparks created won't matter.

 

Now that I understand, thank you.

 

… but one can conserve the battery that it lasts longer. Putting it regularly on a batter minder, keeping it fully charged and don’t get it drained, keep it in a decent temp range, … That can give your battery some more lifetime. Plus the 80Ah, 582CCA is a pretty weak fit for the 2023 Tacoma. A 610+CCA would be more appropriate. And keep in mind the electronics are never really off. Some are constantly operating-how else would a fob and GBS work anytime? Or the GPS etc. it is a lot to it… And then we have of course all kinds of additional gadgets sucking lifetime out of the battery.
Well maintained even modern batteries could last 5+ years with no issues.