Dad jokes

The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place.

 

Mission accomplished. I made a "that's terrible" groan at that one.

 

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

She'll just let it go.

 

I got a new pet termite, his name is Clint Eatswood

 

Eat your carrots. They give you good vision.

No dad, they don't help vision.

Sure they do! Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

 

Haha, I think you need to be a dad (or granddad) to get that one though!

 

I'm both, but it still took me a while!

 

Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? No?

You don’t know what you’re missing.

 

The word “incorrectly”, is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary

 

My wife tripped and fell while holding a basket full of ironed clothes, I watched it all unfold.

 

Church with a help wanted sign looking to hire someone to man the clock tower. Man in a wheelchair shows up to apply for the job. Pastor decides to give him a shot. They hoist him up into the clock tower. At precisely noon the new employee gets his chair up to speed and strikes the bell with his face. The bell clangs loudly. He does this a few more times and then suddenly he misses the bell and lands dead on the ground. A crowd gathers as the pastor runs out of the church. “Who is it?” They cried. “I don’t know” says the pastor “but his face really rings a bell!”