Went to do a welfare check on a friend and found her dead on the couch

Picture of Amanda and Emily at a car show we went to in March 2023…

 

Amanda and I didn’t get back to my house with Hannah until about 12:30am, and I believe it was about 2am when I got to sleep. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, and I was waking up every hour just about, afraid I’d see a dead body in my room. I still have vivid images of Emily’s body, but the anxiety about sleeping in a dark bedroom at night has subsided; I slept very well last night.

Amanda is getting a little bit better, but she was diagnosed with PTSD at a fairly young age due to stuff that happened long before we even knew each other. Seeing somebody who was her best friend for the better part of two decades really triggered her PTSD, and she will no doubt be needing some specialized therapy.

We have absolutely no regrets about driving to her house to check on her, because we likely found her less than a day after she passed.

 

At the age of 10 I remember seeing my best friend my neighbor, strapped to a gurney being carried out. It was pretty crazy. I can still see his slick back hair, bouncing up and down With the oxygen mask over his face like the underoath cover am 35 now. I remember not shedding a tear, not even really understanding what had happened but the older I get the more vivid becomes. Cheers op. Play lots of video games, preferably nonviolent most likely Mario kart.

 

A picture of me, Emily, and her horse Declan from way back in May 2010; Declan died of old age a few years ago, and we like to think that Emily crossed the rainbow bridge with him and her dog Boomer…

 

Another pic of Emily that I took at the same car show back in March 2023…

 

Charlie, just came across this thread. Sorry for the loss of your friend and please tell Amanda my condolences as well. I'm just going to echo some of what's already been said. Both of you should seek out professional help. You've both suffered a trauma that won't pass easily or quickly and it should be addressed sooner rather than later. It's good of you to take in her dog. Do your best to show her some love and comfort as she's suffered a loss just as you and Amanda have.

 

Amanda and I have talked to my longtime psychologist; I talked to him every two weeks, I called him on Sunday morning, and we had a zoom call with him yesterday morning. My therapist is going to help Amanda find a therapist who can help her deal with this, and I feel like he will be able to help me for the time being.

 

Was a shade after 2 I think was when we was texting..I debated texting that time of night but you had just posted so I figured worst case you see it later.

 

More old pics from the May 2010 trip to the horse barn…

 

Emily’s first car was a 2003 or 2004 Ford Taurus, which she was still driving in 2010; here, we see her with both of her “rides”…

 

Went back to Emily’s condo today at the request of her dad, to bring in the garbage cans so he won’t get fined by the HOA. Emily’s condo is circled in red, including the window through which I saw Emily on the couch. The front door is just out of sight to the right of the window. The garbage cans I brought in are visible to the right of Emily’s condo. Rolling up to this place is eerie to me and outright anxiety-inducing to Amanda; I hope we never see this place again, honestly…

 

I forgot to post this. As I said before, one of the paramedics kicked in the door, which destroyed the frame. Somehow, they were able to piece the frame back together and lock it using the deadbolt…

 

It's good that you're talking about this, both online and to your psychologist. And it's pretty natural to feel guilty about recent "not great" interactions. But by your actions of going to check on her instantly, it shows that you and your girlfriend are really good friends.

I highly recommend remembering the good times and bringing them up with friends and your girlfriend. My ex-wife was murdered and one thing that I did do right with my sons is always keeping her memory alive and freely discussing her. I think that was really healthy for my sons and myself. Sorry for your loss and take care of yourself.

 

What prompted to us hop in the Tacoma on Saturday night and drive over to Emily's condo in a severe thunderstorm was the recent death of Amanda's birth mother (in February), who died in her apartment and was not found for about five days. Amanda's mother lived about an hour from us, and Amanda had not been on the greatest terms with her mother. Amanda and I called her mother the day she was found dead, but we didn't find out about it until the next day. We did not find the body that time, which is probably good, because neighbors who were there said that there was a noticeable odor of death when the door was kicked in. Emily's apartment is only 15 minutes from my house, so we went.

We were not expecting to find Emily dead, but we knew something was wrong, and we didn't think she deserved to rot for days if she was in fact dead. Hannah (the dog) was another major factor in our decision to drive there. We are pretty sure she was gone for less than a day, as the last known person to text with her was her ex-boyfriend on Friday, and we found her at like 8:35pm on Friday. However, she was in rigor according to the first responders. It had been in the 80s for the last few days, and the fact that Emily had the central A/C on likely preserved her body. Emily seemed to be chronically cold, and she and Amanda would get into arguments when they lived together, because Emily wanted the heat on when most people would turn on the A/C!

 

The image of Emily on the couch after the first responders turned on the lights is still vivid as ever, but I find myself able to talk about it and keep my composure. I don't think I will ever be able to forget seeing Emily through that window, but the flashbacks have gotten less intense. I was listening to "Dead Ringer for Love", a duet by Meat Loaf and Cher, in the truck when we rolled up to Emily's apartment. I still love that song and have listened to it once since Saturday night. When we drove up to Emily's condo, I just jumped up out of the truck and left it running, including Meat Loaf blasting. Because the truck was running, my dashcam was rolling, and it captured damn near everything. If I had parked to the left of Emily's car instead of to the right, my dashcam would have gotten a much clearer view of Emily's patio and window. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Meat Loaf drowned out Amanda and me screaming Emily's name upon seeing her on the couch. However, you still know when we started screaming, because you can see a light come on in the condo directly above Emily's and a woman come to the sliding door. Again, because I was parked to the right of Emily's car, my dashcam only got a sliver of Emily's patio. However, you can see me going to flag down the police, as well as the police and medics following me up to the front door.

You cannot see the firefighter kick the front door in, but you can see the light come on in Emily's window. This is the moment that mine and Amanda's lives changed, likely forever. You can also see me coming back to the truck, clearly in shock, after the cop told us that Emily was gone. The cop isn't far behind me and can be seen talking into his radio as he walks back to his SUV. I went back to the truck to call our friend Helen, who now lives in Texas and is like a grandmother to us, while Amanda stayed on the patio. One of the EMS guys told Amanda that they had done a 12-point EKG on Emily, and that she was in full rigor.

More dashcam footage shows the cop coming up to my truck asking for mine and Amanda's licenses so he can get our info in case the detective needed to contact us later. Meat Loaf stopped playing when I took my phone out of the truck to call 911 and disconnected the Bluetooth, but you still can't really hear anything because it was raining, the windshield wipers were going, and the A/C was on in the truck. After probably not even 15 minutes, I shut off the truck so I wouldn't waste gas, and this obviously cut power to the dashcam. At some point, I moved my truck to another spot so the coroner's van could park in the spot I had been in.

 

So sorry man. Good to talk about it, though, and work through things. The images may fade, or at least come less frequently over time, and hopefully become easier to deal with. You can't rush the process, it is what it is. Try to be there for Amanda.

 

The last communication I had with Emily was via text on Monday, April 28th just before 1pm. Amanda texted with her at approximately 4PM and 8:30PM on Thursday, May 1st; Emily’s ex-boyfriend Dennis received a text message from her at 9:42pm Friday, May 2nd. We believe that Emily passed away sometime after 10pm on Friday…

I am feeling guilty about how I responded to Emily on Monday. She
complained about and generally exaggerated medical issues so often that many people thought she was crying wolf. She had been sick for most of the last three months or so prior to her death with various respiratory issues, but I don’t think bronchitis is directly responsible for her death. Amanda and I think she mixed two medications that should not have been mixed, they reacted, and it caused her to die in her sleep. Amanda and I did not notice the vomit, but the medic said there was vomit, which would indicate that she aspirated.

 

Amanda suddenly realized said a little after 8pm on Saturday night that she hadn’t heard from Emily in two days and attempted to contact her. She then bugged me to call her; I texted Emily at 8:11PM and called her at 8:13PM, getting no response. At that point, I said “fuck it, get in the truck”. I called Emily from the truck at 8:32pm and left a message on her voicemail, and we got there before 8:40pm.

I was able to see Emily on the couch through the open blinds, in spite of all the lights being out, because my truck’s lights were shining through the window. I attempted to wake up Emily by banging on the window and screaming her name; Amanda was also screaming Emily’s name thought she saw Emily’s chest rise a couple times, which prompted both of us to think she was alive but unconscious and in some sort of distress.

I called 911 at 8:40PM, and that call lasted six minutes, which means that the police and ambulance arrived at 8:46. I called my dad at 8:49PM to tell him that we found Emily unconscious on the couch, that the medics were working on her, and that it didn’t look good. That call lasted two minutes, which means the cop came out around 8:51PM to deliver the bad news. I got off the phone with my dad and went back to my truck to call our friend Helen at this point.

 

[Disclaimer: I'm not a licensed therapist]

Feeling guilty is a normal part of getting through something like this. What might have happened if things were different is something we are wired to explore, and part of what makes us human. One of the better parts, even. But, you did nothing wrong, and many things right.

 

I truly think it was a higher power that prompted us to hop in the truck and drive to Emily's condo in a severe thunderstorm. Emily's dad is presently in Florida taking care of his sister who had a knee replacement surgery or something, and it was not uncommon for him and Emily to go days without talking, so he likely would have gone to Florida without a second thought. We have come to find out that at least two of Emily's friends were wondering why she wasn't responding to calls and texts, including one who messaged Amanda today to ask if she'd heard from Emily.

We believe it's entirely possible that Emily wouldn't have been found for three days or more if we hadn't decided to drive there on Saturday night. The blinds were partially open, and it was incredibly easy to open the gate and walk up to the window, but I don't think anybody would have thought to actually take a look. Absolutely nothing looked amiss, and upon first glance anybody who looked through that window would just assume that Emily had fallen asleep on the couch. A day or two later, even with the A/C on, and the scene would have likely been a lot different.