Man Laws / Rules

Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden

 

Buddies must take turns being wing men. If you are the wing man you must do whatever possible to get your fellow man laid. That even means flirting with the fat or ugly chick.

 

its ok to be wrong just as long as you can admit it
its ok to be right as long as you know it
if you don't have anything productive to say, keep your trap shut(unless its beer night. then anything goes)

and my dad always said if you get in a fight it better be for a good reason and you better not start it

 

Men don't shop, we make purchases.

Also, if you don't know what you're looking for right away at the store/mall, you shouldn't have left the house. In and out is how we work, I can't even count the amount of times my wife goes out for one thing down the street and 5 hours later, comes back with everything else but that one item.

 

Absolutely, 100% true. I'll have to use this one the next time it happens. Maybe she'll come in naked next time!

 

Bump

 

If you borrow a tool, return it when you are done. Don't wait for the owner to come get it. They bought it for a reason and it wasn't so that it could sit at your house and collect dust.

If you have to borrow a tool more than twice, you should probably just buy one yourself.

If you do volunteer work, do it like you are getting paid. Don't show up and do a half ass job even if everyone else does.

 

how is that man law?

couldn't agree more. in fact, i'll go a step further and spell out the whole hand shake etiquette for those who are unfamiliar. a man shake lasts no more than 2 seconds. insert one hand into the other and give a firm grip to indicate your level of manliness. too limp, and your a sissy little girl. too hard and you have a small penis and are trying to overcompensate by breaking my hand. and lets not forget the mulligan shake. this is when the other party grips prematurely resulting in you not being able to fully insert your hand into theirs. they now are griping you by your fingers only and not your actual palm. in this situation it is fully acceptable to vocally acknowledge the sub par shake and go in for a "re-do". Personally these types of handshakes are accompanied by me saying "lets try that again" but you are free to come up with whatever phrase works best for you.

 

i dunno about that. i personally hate shopping with a passion but recently me and the finance went sofa shopping. let me tell you, that kicks ass! you walk 5 feet, then sit down. then spend the next 5 minutes discussing the comfort level of the thing you are sitting on. then, you get up, walk 5 feet, and repeat the process all over again. i think sofa shopping might be my new favorite thing.

 

Abso-tiv-alicious-ly true. It is as if they wait until you are upside down and backwards in a hole with a tool in each hand, a flashlight in your mouth, pushing your foot against some fixed object for more leverage, sweat dripping into your eyes, covered in grease, and mumbling "mutherfucker" at the most critical and difficult point of whatever task you are finally trying to accomplish after having put it off for weeks because it sucks so bad, that they will say "so Kelly just called and she was wondering if next month we should bladdity bladdity blah..."

If women are so goddamn sensitive, why can't they sense when the shittiest time to ask you anything is?

I had a talk to my girlie about this, and thank god, she is getting it now. I told her the story of how I watched an airplane almost crash on takeoff (he had to abort at takeoff speed) because the mechanic forgot to insert a 10-cent cotter pin where it belonged, probably because someone interrupted him...

So let that stand as an important safety rule to all men, too. Don't interrupt you buddy...unless his pants are on fire or the beer just arrived.

 

Real men give their male offspring manly names...no soap opera names like Wellington and especially not Tristan

 

Under no circumstances should a man own an umbrella

 

Never speak to another man in the restroom, if you're holding a conversation while walking into said restroom the conversation must stop then resume once back outside.

 

Your skin will peel off exposing raw muscle and bone before you ever ask a guy to put suntan lotion on your back.

 

http://www.scribd.com/doc/306165/Man-Law

"No wasted beer in the name of humour."

 

If you borrow a car/truck, fill the tank to full, regardless. If you lend a car/truck with a near empty tank, provide gas money.