genius quotes from old timer

I used to work with an old guy that was in the navy. He actually watched the atomic testing in the south pacific. Anyways, he seemed to be the king of witty comebacks. We got to the point of purposely harassing him just to see what we could get out of him ( all in fun, and he knew we were joking). Heres some of my favorites. " thanks for the warning" was his answer when you say see you tomorrow. "Is that your face or did your pants fall down?" His response when you said your good looking. " dont go breaking your arm patting yourself on the back" his response when your bragging. "We, what do you have a turd in your pocket?" His response when youd say hey where are we going, as if implying he'd want you to go with him. When our boss would say you have to listen because im the boss, he would say "you wouldnt make a pimple on a bosses A**". And my favorite was "dont shit yourself your too big of a turd" he'd say this also whenyour bragging. Anyone got any others?

 

6 quotes, 4 of them butt/poop related. That's some wit.

My favorite old timer quotes:

"You fail all the time, but you aren't a failure until you start blaming someone else."
- Bum Phillips

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."
- Thoreau

 

Yes. He was not a graceful individual.

 

"Today's mistakes are tomorrow's overtime".

 

I'm a government worker. Hear this all the time.

An old chief in the navy always used to tell me to live by the 7Ps

Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Another older guy I worked with used to say the following everytime we would see a curvy girl.

Built for comfort not for speed, satisfaction guaranteed.

 

"Wut" - OZ-T

 

My FIL talking about where they go moose hunting ~

" The mosquitoes are so big here they fuck the crows "

 

My uncle had a great way to tell someone he didn't care....he'd pull down his eye lid and say "you see any give-a-shit in there?"

 

Old guy taught me only 3 P's
Patience
Perseverance
And a lot of fucking Profanity

 

BEST!! I forgot to mention what my dad says if he thinks someone is bullshitting him. "don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining"

 

My Chief (mentor--more than a father to me), used when someone (anyone from Commanders on down) was doing something he knew wouldn't work, but that he knew he couldn't convince them not to do it:

"Well, Alrighty then." Whenever he used that, I always waited for the inevitable failure that would follow; it always did. Nice memory there...

 

be sure to write your weight on the wall before you take a dump so we'll know how much to take out.

 

I guess I fall into that category now. One of my Army buddies had a saying when someone wasn't looking good or feeling well - "She looks like Death eating a cookie."

Another one of my favorites when someone asks you to do something you don't want to do - "You'll see a monkey jump out of my a## before that will happen."

 

Educations are expensive, emabarassing or painful...or all 3.

 

End of the day to a co-worker: "I had a good day, but today wasn't one of them."

 

working with my father as a kid I would have to hold a pipe that he was soldeing.
He would say " christ you shake like a dog shitting on a briar patch" Of course, I would start laughing and shake more.