Distress at 18,000 feet

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.


The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled
"Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had passed out.. I grabbed his cell phone
out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial
memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"


The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions.
The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".


He began his series of questions.


Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??"


Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me"


Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??"


Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me".


Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down​?​




Aircraft: "Because the crap in my pants is sliding out of my shirt collar."

 

A guy is visiting vegas and wants a hooker, hes craving to eat some pus**. He finds a girl on the street corner and they rent a room. She agrees to what he wants, so he goes to town On her. He sticks his face in and is quickly surprised. "What the hell, is this a chunk of hot dog? oh well". he is unbothered and goes back to it. a minute later "holy sh*t, is that a piece of hamburg, jeez". Unfazed, he continues On. "Wtf, this looks like a potato chip". Finally, the man asks the hooker " lady, are you sick or something"?. She replies "no, but the last guy was".