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"40's & 50's" Midlife crisis/GTFO my lawn thread.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Matic, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. May 24, 2019 at 1:33 PM
    wilcam47

    wilcam47 Well-Known Member

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  2. May 24, 2019 at 2:13 PM
    4WDTrout

    4WDTrout Perpetually dreaming of tall trees & rivers

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    Yeah, businesses in the area I live stopped providing customers plastic straws. When I go to the movies & other places, I have the option of using paper straws.

    Was your point that you’re shocked at the amount of plastic that’s being used?

    Or

    You just feel that the whole thing is just over the top?
     
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  3. May 24, 2019 at 2:17 PM
    wilcam47

    wilcam47 Well-Known Member

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    I think its just a little scapegoat on the straws...its like what about all the plastic bags, diapers, take out containers etc...lots more plastic than just straws...
     
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  4. May 24, 2019 at 2:18 PM
    4WDTrout

    4WDTrout Perpetually dreaming of tall trees & rivers

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    True. However, you have to start trimming the fat somewhere.
     
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  5. May 24, 2019 at 3:18 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Theo... You don't realize how timely that message was. The last couple of days have been complete hell around the house with my daughter, her phone, and social media. Without getting too deep into what has gone on this last year, my daughter lost a couple of best friends (that are twin sisters) due to a boy that one of her friends started dating and shit got ugly really quick. It has been a constant source of drama for the last eight months or so with my daughter 1st: For allowing it to happen and 2nd: Participating in the drama and making it worse. The last day of school her ex-friend posted something on Snapchat and it pissed my daughter off. I told her to not respond to it because that is what she wants. "She wants to get a rise out of you, don't give her the satisfaction". We talked for about 30 mins and I just told her I've had enough of this. I'm tired of all the drama. So she said she wouldn't. Not more than 10 mins later, my daughter responded with a really shitty post and then to top it all off got into a huge texting match where they basically cussed each other out the entire time. When I found that out I was livid that she did exactly what I told her not to do. So I took her phone away and gave it to my wife who was standing there and told her to hide it to where even I can't find it. Then to make matters worse, last night she asked my wife if she could borrow my wife's phone to text my mom (her grandmother). My daughter came to me later and said "mom said it was okay for me to get on Snapchat and post an apology" and she told me what she posted. So I said okay and that sounded like a decent apology. Later I told my wife that I guess it's good that she posted a apology for what happened and my wife said "what apology?". I told her she said you said it was okay to get on Snapchat to post a apology. My wife said "I NEVER said that". So I was PISSED that my daughter flat out lied to me. Then... my wife logged into my daughters account and my daughter had posted the message posing as my wife in the apology!!!! I lost my fucking shit after that. So I don't know when (or even if) she is going to get her phone back. And if I decide to give it back to her it will have NO SOCIAL MEDIA ON IT. Everything she downloads has to be approved by me through Apple so she can't download any app without me being notified on my Apple account and I will NOT approve any social media app. I've never been more disappointed in my daughter than I am right now. I refuse to accept anyone lying to me. I don't lie to her or anyone else and I expect the same in return. And up until these last couple of days, I don't think she has ever blatantly lied to me. So she is grounded for I don't know how long? I haven't even decided yet. But her phone is fucking gone.

    I completely agree with his message. And I have done everything that he has done with the exception of emails because I have to communicate by email for documentation purposes with the three lawsuits I have going on at the moment so everything is time / date stamped and I also use it for receipts of bills paid online. I don't have ANY social media. I deleted FB almost 10 years ago when I realized that social media is one of the worst inventions that has come out and I precipitated in it. When I realized that I was doing the same thing he was talking about I deleted anything social media related and it's been one of the best things that I've done.

    TW is the only social media that I have. And I do spend a lot of time on here so I'm not sure what that says about me personally? But I feel I've grown to know each and every one of you and I enjoy everyone's company. Like @Pchop has mentioned in the past... I use this as my little oasis of sanity. It's rare that a group of people that have never met in real life (with the exception of two in my case) can have civil discussions about a variety of topics and no one gets bent out of shape. That is pretty much unheard of. We bounce ideas off of each other and the video you posted is a prime example of a topic that needs more discussion and attention in today's society.

    So thank you for posting that. That was just what I personally needed.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2019
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  6. May 24, 2019 at 4:21 PM
    HomerTaco

    HomerTaco TOYWERX Vendor

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    I know you two have a very good relationship so I hope it works out Brit

    Haven’t watched that vid yet, going to now.
     
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  7. May 24, 2019 at 4:26 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    We really do... but I am just so disappointed with her right now for lying to me. I understand she is a teenager and stupid things are going to happen. I look back at when I was a teenager and I was hell to raise. But we didn't have social media either. I've tried to tell her that once you hit that post or reply button, whatever you post is there for all eternity. It will never go away. So she is going to pay the consequences for her actions. As bad as the first night was... I didn't think she could do anything more stupid than that. But man... was I wrong. The issue right now is, she is seemingly trying to make up for it but I "personally" think she is doing it just so she can get her phone back. Well... that isn't going to play any part of whether she gets it back or not. When I know I can trust her again, then and only then she might get it back. But it will be a long time. She asked me last night if she was going to get it back before we go to Colorado in 2 weeks and I said no! She asked "well... what am I supposed to do while I'm out there" which pissed me off even worse. "LOOK AT THE SAME SHIT WE DO AND ENJOY BEING IN THE MOMENT INSTEAD OF HAVING YOUR FACE BURIED IN THE FUCKING PHONE". Obviously didn't use the cuss words but I sure as fuck wanted too :rolleyes:

    If I hadn't already purchased tickets to the concert and the baseball game I would just cancel it. And that still isn't out of the realm of possibility. If it's going to be nothing but her moping around because she doesn't have her phone it's going to make for a shitty vacation. So depending on how the next two weeks go, I may just eat that $400 as much as I want to see the concert at Red Rocks and the game. I'm just so fucking pissed right now.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2019
  8. May 24, 2019 at 4:50 PM
    4WDTrout

    4WDTrout Perpetually dreaming of tall trees & rivers

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    Glad to be of service :hattip:

    Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time with your daughter. Being a parent and raising children right is a pretty tough job. I personally feel that you’re doing the right thing by not allowing your daughter to lie to you. That is an easy and absolutely terrible habit to start. Hang in there.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2019
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  9. May 25, 2019 at 7:16 AM
    TenBeers

    TenBeers Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, the flat out lying and deviousness of playing the "mom said" stuff would make me livid. The fact that she retaliated after you told her not to, not surprising. For me, when it comes to their relationships, the most I would do with my girls is offer advice -- it's up to them whether they listen to it or not, and they need to learn from their actions. Girls are different, and I'm not about to dive deep into the psyche of one of those creatures. But dishonesty is not tolerated around here.

    While I've never banned it and just now thought of it, neither of my girls ever post anything on Facebook. We all have accounts, but all the activity comes from my wife and her mother sharing funny stuff. No drama. My oldest sometimes posts pics on Instagram, but that's about it. They are both PC gamers, though, and do use Discord to interact with their friends, but that's not the same as social media. Now, that does not mean there is no drama around the house with three women. I think they have some kind of physical need to have some drama in their lives, so they will find a way to create it when they need it.

    Speaking of dishonesty, don't do business with Citibank. We tend to keep small balances on multiple cards just to keep them active and our credit rating up, typically on larger purchases where we want the protection. My Citi card says "Diamond Preferred," and we've had that account for nearly 25 years. I was looking to pay off some balances, so asked my wife to collect the balances and interest rates. She finds out Citi is sitting at 29.99%, and we are both like WTF? We have a credit rating over 800 and are Diamond Preferred! I have been using Quicken to keep track of finances for years and have all the payment history, so I look for a missed or late payment going back several years and don't see any. So I call them and ask them what is going on. Turns out we were late on one payment back in 2009. I didn't look that far back, but when she said 2009, I was like whoah, wait. Did you say 2009? You mean 10 years ago? So I check Quicken and see that one payment was 2 days later than normal. They've been charging us that interest rate since then for a single late payment. We were in the middle of our move from TX to STL during that time frame and my wife was in the middle of cancer treatments, so I can see how it happened, but as far as I know I never got a notice. So, at this point I am doing my best to control myself, steam shooting out of my ears. I explain to the agent that what they have done pretty much amounts to theft, and they quickly drop the interest rate down to what I would expect on a "Diamond Preferred" card. Thanks, but that's not going to be quite enough to retain my business. I know, it's in the card agreement and it's my fault for not paying closer attention, but to me, that's just devious business practice. Most cards have similar provisions, but also provisions for dropping it back down after on-time payment a certain number of billing cycles in a row.

    Small balance anyway and our least-used card, so not worth fighting other than closing the account and never going back. Not that any of the other big banks are any different. Kicking myself for not paying closer attention, but that's not the kind of company I want to do business with.
     
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  10. May 25, 2019 at 7:40 AM
    HomerTaco

    HomerTaco TOYWERX Vendor

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    :facepalm:

    CITI is a royal pain in my ass. They do all the commercial credit for HD.
     
  11. May 25, 2019 at 8:52 AM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Advice is what we have given her for almost the entire last year. It sucks how their friendship ended and I hate it for her. I really do. They have been best friends since the middle of elementary school and were inseparable. Then this boy came into the picture and I won't go into all the details but let's just say it wasn't good. After that, it completely fell apart. But, you can only sympathize and give advice about the same issue for so long and then something has to be done. It didn't surprise me that she posted something after I told her not too. And it didn't surprise me that they got into their texting war after I told her not to engage her. Like you, I usually let her figure it out and with all her other friends she has been able to do just that. But this situation has consumed her life and I'm done. I've had enough. I have tried hundreds of times to tell her that once you hit that reply or post button it is there forever. It will never go away. Even if you delete it, someone will screenshot it. So be very careful what you post because it will follow you forever. And what she posted was not good and that is putting it mildly. But when she lied to me to my face the other night is one thing that I can not accept. You can do a lot of things to me and I don't care. But I will not accept lying from anyone. Once someone lies to me I'm done with with them. Now obviously, that's not the case of with my daughter but that is how serious I am about lying. I don't lie to people and I expect the same in return. If I can't trust them I don't want them in my life.

    I've looked back and tried to figure out what I could have done different in this situation. I'm sure I've made mistakes along the way. As parents we aren't perfect and there is no instruction manual that comes with a child. I've tried to parent to her personality of which I'm acutely aware of. But this has consumed her life for almost a year now and I'm done. It is not all her fault and she has tried. But she is going to have to learn to let it go. I know how it feels to be a teenager and it sucks. I'm just glad social media didn't exist when we were growing up. It was bad enough then. I can't imagine what it would be like now where everything is instant all the time. But she is going to have to learn the skill of becoming unoffendable sooner than I had to. That is one of the better skills that I have developed in my life and once you can perfect that skill, life becomes much easier.

    That sucks about the credit card. I don't know about all the other credit cards out there but I'm pretty sure they all have the same or similar policy but I'm sure it's buried deep in their contracts somewhere. I only have an AMEX card and it HAS to be paid in full each month. I can not carry a balance on it. That is precisely why I carry that card. If it doesn't get paid in full they charge something along the lines of 40% IIRC. I've never tested it out. The main reason that we only have one card is due to my ex wife. She ran up a lot of bills on multiple cards and I got stuck with a large portion of those bills when we got divorced. So after I got those paid off I got the AMEX card and have had it for well over 20 years now. We now use that card for everything instead of our debit card for the protection it provides. The points are nice also. But the last time we used our debit card was around the time Target got hacked and my wife's card was part of that. Once we canceled her card we have only used the AMEX card from that point forward. We got our money back from the bank but it took a couple of weeks. With a credit card you can dispute the transaction and not have to worry about it. I keep our credit on lockdown 100% of the time. It's one more hoop you have to jump through when buying a car but I'd rather have that extra security knowing that no one can take credit out in my name. My credit score has remained over 800 for as long as I can remember.
    It's really strange... no one taught me about credit when I was growing up and how important it was. While I was getting my business administration degree is when I realized that this is going to be very important. So if nothing else... That degree taught me one thing lol.
     
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  12. May 25, 2019 at 8:59 AM
    HomerTaco

    HomerTaco TOYWERX Vendor

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    We got into a big financial hole early on in our relationship. When my wife was pregnant with our first child she was put on mandatory bed rest 4 months in. We instantly went from two incomes to one.
    It was impossible to swing.

    Took me nearly 8 years to bounce back from that.

    Learned a valuable lesson.
     
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  13. May 25, 2019 at 9:06 AM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    We had something very close to that when my wife was sick. Luckily it didn't happen. The worst off I've ever been is when we had two mortgages when we bought the house we're living in now. I had to take on a side job on my two days off from the FD just to make ends meet. And then we were just barely meeting them. I vividly remember standing in Kohls and trying to decide how many towels we could afford for the bathroom? That sucked. Once our other house sold it was fine. But those were very stressful months.
     
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  14. May 25, 2019 at 9:26 AM
    Cory07TRD

    Cory07TRD Well-Known Member

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    Nice thread here, it's interesting how certain things bring people together, like trucks. Thought I'd say a few words. I'm 42, quitting Human Resources and going back to school to get my teaching credential. I'm getting so many positive reactions, it's been amazing. Oh yeah, and we're have our first child about the same time I start school at the end of August!!

    There's a couple good books called Late Bloomers about how some people do their best late in life. I couldn't do this change without a savings built up and supportive wife (married a year ago). The experience, knowledge, and time we have later in life is often what allows us to succeed, even if a bit late by other peoples standards. Check them out if you're looking for a good read.
     
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  15. May 25, 2019 at 9:52 AM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Wishing you well on your new career and new baby.
     
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  16. May 25, 2019 at 4:24 PM
    KY_Rob

    KY_Rob Well-Known Member

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    So, for some PG-13 humor...

    A little boy named Johnny walks up to his mom, says he has diarrhea, and asks mom “Can you get me a Viagra please?”.

    Moms eyes bug out of her head, and she very calmly asks, “What the hell for?”.

    Johnny, holding his stomach, says “Well, isn’t that what you give Dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

    :rofl::devil:
     
  17. May 25, 2019 at 7:16 PM
    Hardscrabble

    Hardscrabble Well-Known Member

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    @RearViewMirror
    Dammit Britt, I hate the lying and the nonsense with social media that you are going through with your daughter. I know that you and her have a very good, honest, and healthy relationship and can only believe that she will come to realize how much she has done to deteriorate that.

    I have two daughters, the oldest is 21 now, but stopped listening to her Mom and I at 12 years old. She thought she knew it all and even though we tried many, many avenues with her, she is currently what I refer to as a “soup sandwich”. She works and pays me rent (she lives in one of my rental houses). I have been through very tough times with my oldest daughter, I love her and continue to support her to a degree. I hope that she can get her shit together, but she has a long way to go before she earns my trust because of all the lying.

    On the other side is our youngest daughter, just recently graduated from HS with honors and all A’s. She and I have a great relationship, similar to what I believe you and your daughter have. We talk about everything and she knows that she can ask me about anything and I will answer honestly. I think she has seen what her older sister has done and she sees that there’s a better way to live. Here’s a picture of her and I before her HS graduation.
    09CAEEC6-EAEA-49BA-8804-4DCA523E855F.jpg


    If I had an easy, quick fix, I would offer it to you, but I don’t have one. I hope (know) you will work through this with your daughter. All the best to you Brother!
     
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  18. May 25, 2019 at 9:58 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    2013 DCSB 4X4 TRD Off Road *Sold*
    Thank you Scott for the kind words. I really appreciate it more than you know.

    Today was a good day. No drama. I don't think I can help but look back and think did "I" do something wrong? But I don't know what that would be honestly? I'm sure there was something but we have tried almost everything during this period of time. The core problem is she lost her friends that she had been friends with for a very long time. She grew up with them and it seems as if she just can't let it go. But when the boyfriend came into the picture is when it all fell apart. I really don't want to say what happened but I'll just say that it wasn't good. And her ex friend obviously took his side. From that point on it completely went to shit. But she couldn't or wouldn't let it go. She has a large circle of really good friends and that is what she should be focusing on but the ex friend keeps coming up all the time. I've finally gotten to the point that I told her "I don't ever want to hear her name again". The drama stops now. She has so many things to look forward to and true friends to share them with. "Get her name out of your mind" "I'm done". Friends come and go throughout your life. They always will. The friends you have in school will most likely not be friends that you keep in touch with out of school. As we grow older our friends change (for the most part) due to different circumstances.

    But what she did the last couple of days is the worst I've ever seen of her. I know she will make mistakes but I didn't expect what she did the other night. It finally got to the point that I just told her that I've never been more disappointed in her. And for what it's worth... I haven't. I think that made her feel worse than me being mad at her. She has now accepted that she isn't getting her phone anytime soon. And when she gets it back there will be no social media installed on it. I honest don't think that she will get it back until the school year starts because she is going to have to have it for dance because they use a special school app for the calendar for when practice, games they have to dance at, and competitions. Maybe not having it for 2 1/2 months will let her see that there is a world out there besides staring at a phone screen. But if the drama somehow starts again with that phone, I'm taking it away and selling it and buying her a flip phone. That's how bad it has gotten. Is that the right decision? I don't know? But what I do know is I'm not dealing with this issue again. And she has a pretty good way to go before she earns my trust again. I've never had to question what she says but now I find myself questioning a lot of things that she says right now. That's what lying gets you. And I don't accept lying. It's just not in my nature. I've never lied to her and I don't expect her to lie to me.

    We'll get back to normal. I don't expect her to be perfect. No one is. I fully expect her to make mistakes but lying won't be one of them. So even after what has happened she still has come to me and just talked like we always have. I'll always keep that line of communication open. But I would be lying if I said that I'm still not quite over being pissed.
     
  19. May 26, 2019 at 6:19 AM
    TenBeers

    TenBeers Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Member:
    #18067
    Messages:
    4,602
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Rich
    Bentonville, AR
    Vehicle:
    2018 TRD Pro Cavalry Blue
    CBI bed rack and sliders, CVT Mt. Bachelor, Uniden 520XL, WeatherTechs, TRD CAI, 1Up USA hitch rack, speaker upgrade, Total Chaos bed stiffeners
    When we moved to NW Arkansas, my oldest daughter (now 21) transferred to U of Arkansas (she wanted to transfer somewhere anyway, she hated Mizzou). She had a friend from her dorm at Mizzou that had transferred a semester earlier, so we moved her into an apartment with this girl since it was cheaper for both (of their parents). My daughter put a lot of value into their friendship, but this girl is what @Hardscrabble would also call a soup sandwich. I knew it, but you can't choose their friends for them. No drugs or anything illegal, just weird mindset and mental health issues, maybe some daddy issues. After dating and dumping a few guys, she finally settled on one dummy, and she asked my daughter to move out so she and her fiance could have the apartment to themselves. My daughter was pretty hurt by that, but it's a short commute to school from our house anyway and we are glad to have her back here. I think she understands now that very few friends become or remain a life-long friend.

    On the credit card thing, we have an Amex and a Visa we get points on that we mainly use. Citi was just kind of a spare that we mostly ignored but kept around, which is why they got away with what they did. But deviousness like that borders on dishonesty to me and makes me really angry. And I don't get angry much.

    We've had our financial ups and downs like any couple, and when we were first married my wife made more than I did. I was working and going to school full-time, and then my career started to take off as I was finishing up school and my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. So, we made the decision to be a single-income family and forego the daycare thing. The net income after paying for daycare just wasn't worth it for us. My wife quit working when she was 7 months pregnant and has only done part-time and volunteer work since. It may have taken us longer to get where a lot of dual-income families are, but it was worth it to us. But for a time, there's no way we could have made ends meet on a single income.
     
  20. May 26, 2019 at 9:04 AM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Member:
    #102010
    Messages:
    22,746
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Craig Christ
    State of Love and Trust
    Vehicle:
    2013 DCSB 4X4 TRD Off Road *Sold*
    Well... I spoke a little too soon last night. There was a little bit of drama last night as we were going to bed. My wife got on her phone and looked at my daughters Snapchat and my wife had it set up to where she was logged into my daughters account. My wife did a lot of landscaping in the yard yesterday and today we are going to see some friends this afternoon. One of their kids got a new bunny and my daughter wanted to see it so they face timed each other yesterday. So my wife gave her phone to her so she could facetime. I don't know if it my daughter did it or not but my wife "mysteriously" disappeared off my daughters Snapchat. My gut feeling is she deleted her so she couldn't see what was posted. But I can't prove it. So my wife found about about and asked what happened and of course my daughter denied it. So I told my wife just to make it easier to change my daughters password (while my daughter was standing there) for the app so she can't even access it. The main reason is I want to see what others are saying and hoping it will blow over. So far nothing has been said which is good. But I, once again, told my daughter she isn't getting Snapchat back and of course that made her mad. I told her the same thing a few nights ago and I think she had held on hope that she was going to get it back. But now she knows she isn't ever getting it back. So she's mad at us but it is what it is.

    I am so sick and tired of social media.
     

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