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"40's & 50's" Midlife crisis/GTFO my lawn thread.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Matic, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. Mar 4, 2020 at 8:45 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Very similar story I've heard before with a few differences.

    This always struck a cord with me. Leo was a recovering alcoholic in the show.

    Everyone needs help now and then whether they realize it or not. It's knowing you are cared for that makes all the difference.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BKnKzdI6jM
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2020
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  2. Mar 4, 2020 at 9:12 PM
    shane100700

    shane100700 Bed, Bath & Beyond Crawler

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    https://youtu.be/4yV0T59Twqo

    One of my former commanders. Great dude, never knew he had issues to. The Soldier he talks about weighed on a lot of us. Haven’t been able to bring myself to read it yet but, he wrote a book too;

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0998171492?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image

    It seems a lot of us only seek help once we’re on that brink of pulling a trigger, jumping off a ledge or whatever our method of choice happens to be.
     
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  3. Mar 4, 2020 at 9:16 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    I would add that Critical Incident Stress Debriefing is of vital importance. That said... It should not be conducted by the agency that you work for. CISD was handled poorly on our Dept. They implemented a peer support group but those that chose to be on that support group I can promise you, NO ONE would go to those people. The group that volunteered were not 1: Qualified to do the job and 2: Had never served on a company that made 3000 + runs a year. Most of them were at very slow stations and although they may have experienced some things in their career, they had not experienced the things that those of us on the busiest companies in the city experienced on a daily basis. To use an analogy, it would be like someone that has set behind a desk their entire Military career and never served in a combat role trying to counsel someone that had experienced first hand front line combat. To add to that, nothing on the FD stays secret. So no one would feel comfortable speaking with members of our own Dept. for obvious reasons.

    The way CISD is usually conducted is from other agencies that have nothing to do with our Dept. Be it Memphis, Fayetteville, Dallas, etc... and vice versa. That way you know you are talking in complete confidentiality with someone that has been in a spot similar to the one you may find yourself in. CISD should ALWAYS be preformed in a one on one basis. Group settings never work out well for fear of speaking up. Much like the Military, the FD, PD, etc... is a very alpha personality driven occupation. No one wants to be seen as weak in front of their peers. Especially if you are in a leadership position. Just the nature of the job. Hopefully that will change in the future and we can get those that need help the help they need before I have to hear about another one of my brothers or sisters in the Fire Service going down a path much like I took. Or worse... taking their own life.
    One of my best friends took his own life right before Christmas 2011. He called me the night before and told me he loved me like a brother. I knew he was going through trouble with getting off of pain pills but he had sought out care. So I assumed he was getting better. He didn't wake up the next morning because he decided there was no other way out. That hunts me to this day.
     
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  4. Mar 4, 2020 at 9:29 PM
    shane100700

    shane100700 Bed, Bath & Beyond Crawler

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    That’s exactly how the military is. The spouses are told not to ask questions or say anything to upset us when we get home. We file through a series of medical checkpoints at 1wk, 1 month, and 6 months. Part of that is standing in a line to file into a cubicle (yes cubicle) to go over our PTSD questionnaire. The dude then stamps off if you need to see anyone or not.

    Some of the questions;

    Were you near or see any explosions?
    Were you near or see anyone injured?
    Did you see or experience anything that upset you?

    Many more similar questions. I never once got sent to talk to anyone. Additionally, you seek help and there is a def a stigma. Your ability to lead, deployability, promotion potential are all questioned at that point.

    In fact, in 2012, there was so many people on Ft Lewis that were assessed as having PTSD, their records were reevaluated, and several assessments were over turned. One of which was a guy from our Brigade, SSG Bales. Better known as the guy that killed 16 Afghan villagers. There were a few incidents that should’ve been red flags prior to that deployment (Brigades 4th one).

    https://www.armytimes.com/news/your...-staff-sergeant-convicted-in-afghan-massacre/
     
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  5. Mar 4, 2020 at 9:32 PM
    wilcam47

    wilcam47 Well-Known Member

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    Arizona now!!!
    Our clearances prevented us from seeking counceling...
     
  6. Mar 4, 2020 at 9:48 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Thank you very much for posting that. Extremely emotional for me to watch. Although his and my circumstances were a bit different obviously... his outcome paralleled my experience pretty close to the same way. I don't have a conscious recollection of what I had planned for that day at the restaurant. I just know that I had a bottle of Xanax and a bottle of Percocet in my pockets. Every time I went to the restroom I would take a Xanax or a Percocet for the extra effect. I still to this day do not know how I didn't overdose to a point that I couldn't come back from. If there is one silver lining in my story it would be this. My daughter was only six at the time so she didn't know the full extent of what I was going through. I can't imagine the negative impact it would have on her life if I was doing what I was doing when she is the age she is now. But I would imagine it would be much like he described.

    So thank you for posting that video. It is very much appreciated.
     
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  7. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:02 PM
    VE7OSR

    VE7OSR Well-Known Member

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    We're lucky in the Search & Rescue program here, in that the SAR role is a part time volunteer role, with province wide common structure, versus community by community, so the folks come from all sorts of different lives, with different careers. The folks in the provincial CISM group pretty much all have a mental health background as their day job. When we do a debrief, they fly in peers from outside our area; our own local CISM person that we have in our group does not participate as such. Its a model that works for our structure, and understandably may not fit within the scope of other structured organizations. Our wilderness SAR is a province wide resource, and we often share resources, even flying folks in where needed. In fiscal 2018 we had 1338 Incidents, province wide. The rest of the country combined is about 650 incidents, with Nunavut territory the next highest at 165 incidents in a year. We're over 1500 calls so far this fiscal year (ends in April). Our local group does about 60 calls/year.
     
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  8. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:09 PM
    shane100700

    shane100700 Bed, Bath & Beyond Crawler

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    Same here... his story is very similar to a lot of us. Haven’t had an episode for a couple years now but there’s been a few times where I still don’t know what stopped me. Almost everyone I’ve deployed with for that first tour, the one where we literally tried to take the IED strikes, has had at least one incident. If I thought I could handle other peoples trauma, without triggering mine, I’d do the counseling thing. A good buddy of mine went that route. No idea how he’s able to cope with that, but I’m sure his personal experience adds a lot of insight and credibility with his clients.
     
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  9. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:14 PM
    shane100700

    shane100700 Bed, Bath & Beyond Crawler

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    That sounds very similar to some of the societies that have shown the greatest resistance to debilitating and long term PTSD. As an example some Asian and Native American societies take on the trauma as a community, speaking openly and sharing in the grief. In native cultures that still practice some of their old beliefs, the elders and warriors (vets) share stories with each other when a warrior returns from war. This sharing has proven to be effective in the healing process.
     
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  10. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:15 PM
    MQQSE

    MQQSE Chief Pal Guy

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    Things got heavy here, I'll read those thoroughly a little later.
    Liked for confirmation, not for allergy and epipen; hope she is able to avoid having to use it.

    :cool: Hope it works. :fingerscrossed:

    PCH in my list too.

    Noted. :thumbsup:
    Hafta check this out later too.

    :yes: That's so Britt.

    Duh
     
  11. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:18 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    Honestly I think that is what helps me the most. Don't get me wrong... I don't want to be the poster child of this issue. But I still go out and talk to each new recruit class about what happened to me because I think it is important for them to know just what lays ahead of them. I rarely open up to many people about what I suffer with though. And although I have quite openly opened up on this forum, it's not something that comes up in general conversation as there is, like you say, a stigma attached to it. But when I do talk to a group about it, it is therapeutic to me if that makes any sense? It's like lifting a weight off my shoulders and hopefully it will help a young person joining the FD to not follow the path that I (and a lot of others) have taken.

    If I'm going to be completely honest about that thread that I have linked in my sig. It was more for me than it was anyone else. It was meant to hold me accountable for my actions every time I post something. I see it sitting at the bottom of my post each time I post in here. But... The thread has kind of taken on a life of its own and hopefully it has helped just one person not go down the path I chose.
     
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  12. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:29 PM
    shane100700

    shane100700 Bed, Bath & Beyond Crawler

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    I think stuff like that really helps. My hope is that the next generation will be able to be more open and accepting, still do what we did but have healthier coping strategies. No doubt our generation is better off then the one before us and the one before them. There’s still a long ways to go though. I’m actually pretty open about it these days. I don’t want to be the poster child either but, know the mistakes I made by not accepting or speaking up before things got bad. I think speaking to those young FFs is commendable and I’m sure it means a lot to them.
     
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  13. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:34 PM
    VE7OSR

    VE7OSR Well-Known Member

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    I've read General Romeo Dallaire's book Shake Hands with the Devil: The failure of Humanity in Rawanda.
    I'll forewarn you, its a pretty dark look at evil, but a book that is hard to put down at times, at other moments in it you can feel anger rising, and have to put the book down.

    How he was even able to go back to that country years later, revisit and do humanitarian work there escapes me. His own battles with PTSD, and attempts at suicide made national news here.

    https://www.amazon.ca/Waiting-First-Light-Ongoing-Battle/dp/0345814444/
     
  14. Mar 4, 2020 at 10:48 PM
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    I agree with you. I think it is a generational subject that will hopefully become destigmatized in the future. It wasn't talked about much during WWI - WWII other than the term "shell shocked". But PTSD wasn't even a known issue. Hell, I didn't believe it until it happened to me. But you can't tell me all of those that came back from those wars, or any war for that matter, didn't suffer in one form or another. Most of the war stories that I've heard from my Grandfather growing up were always the humorous things that happened during the war. Not the tragic things. But just in the last few years he has really started talking about them. There is a particular story that he tells quite often and I now know that this has weighed on him his entire life. My Grandfather was in charge of an A-20 medium bomber (and then an A-26 later) during the war. One day a small boy wandered on base and my Grandfather happened to see him. The little boy spoke some English. My Grandfather said that the boy pointed at the plane and told him "you bombed my family and killed my mother and father". I never heard this story ever. He took the little boy in and let him sleep in the barracks with the other men. They made him a cot and fed him each day while he was stationed there. He tried to get his commanding officer to allow him and his wife to adopt him and send him back overseas to my Grandmother. But as you can imagine, that never happened. His commanding officer told him he had a job to do (which, in reality he did) and adopting a child during a wartime operation was not high on the priority list. I suppose what I'm getting at is he carried that with him his entire life and never said anything about it until recently. So you never know what is going on inside someone unless they are willing to speak about it.
     
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  15. Mar 5, 2020 at 4:11 AM
    Pchop

    Pchop Beavis Killer

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    Shit, grab the chainsaw and buck that bitch up. Thats nothing.
     
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  16. Mar 5, 2020 at 4:13 AM
    Pchop

    Pchop Beavis Killer

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    Tell us again how good of a wind blocker that tree is.....:notsure:
     
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  17. Mar 5, 2020 at 4:26 AM
    Pchop

    Pchop Beavis Killer

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    ^^^^^This

    Definitely north to south for that exact reason.
     
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  18. Mar 5, 2020 at 5:20 AM
    cubie

    cubie Asian Redneck

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    Morning yall!
     
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  19. Mar 5, 2020 at 5:21 AM
    TenBeers

    TenBeers Well-Known Member

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    Yours is similar to mine:

    [​IMG]

    or the more modern version
    [​IMG]
     
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  20. Mar 5, 2020 at 8:46 AM
    Pchop

    Pchop Beavis Killer

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    So I just tried leaving my project for lunch. Fucking 4" gas main leak 300 meters up the road from me. The whole road is shut down both directions. I'm stuck on site until its fixed.

    FUCK!!!
     
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