99 Tacoma 4x4 not working.

Okay so here it goes. I noticed my 4x4 is out when I was doing Black Bear pass in Colorado. It's a manual j shift transfer case so it goes into too low which was fine. When I did my transmission I noticed the 4x4 switches were damaged. I replaced them but the one in the driver side I think was the wrong part and I have that part on order. The issue is when I go to the relay switch I can jump it and get the 4x4 to engage but it won't disengage until the actuator loses pressure and disengages later. But it won't reengage again until I jump the relay connection again. secondly I just did the gray wire mod to check if the 4x4 ECM is working. The theory is by doing the gray wire mod I'm grounding the locker on the rear so that I can use it in any mode. When I go to engage it it doesn't work. I do know that it was working in the past. So at this point I am at the theory that the ECM is busted? I have replaced all the vac lines, clean the body grounds, and I even replace the actuator because I figure since I'm going down this rabbit hole I might as well refresh everything. Anybody have any theory on what's going on?