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Adoption help

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Newlife, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. Aug 5, 2013 at 8:35 PM
    #1
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    So a little background.... My god daughter is 6 months old. When her mother and I met she wasn't born. Her mother have known each other for a little over a year now. And I have been the only male figure in this little girls life. From the time she first opened her eyes. To tonight as she closed them to go to sleep. Well I have been thinking a lot recently about the fact that I am in the percentile of men that it would be extremely hard to father a child of my own. Not to mention I am not getting any older.


    The little girls father is no where in the picture. He made the comment to the mother that, " you should have aborted the &*%^ kid when you first found out."
    I was furious but knew it wouldn't do any good to do anything. But like I said a little over 6 months ago. I held this beautiful young girl in my arms for the first time and couldn't ever think of letting her go.

    Now I am losing sleep over the fact that I can't think of anything else but giving this little girl a home in my life and stepping up to be her Daddy. Her mom and I have talked and she is ecstatic over it. She couldn't be more happy. Her family is the same. Even if I didn't adopt her I would never be able to let this little girl go.

    So basically have any of you adopted a child before? And how did you feel if you had never had a child before? What are some things I should pay closer attention to than others. The fears I should have if any?

    I guess my thing is I am scared of the most is not being a good daddy. I want her to have the life I've worked so hard for. And so much more. I actually went to the bank today and opened a deposit only CD in her name for her college fund. There is more but I don't want to make this into a lengthy post.
     
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  2. Aug 5, 2013 at 8:49 PM
    #2
    Larry

    Larry CARL

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    What an honorable thing to do. This little girl is special to you. Sounds like your decision is already in your heart.

    And don't worry about being the perfect daddy to her. You already are.

    God bless you.
     
  3. Aug 5, 2013 at 8:54 PM
    #3
    RAT PRODUCTS

    RAT PRODUCTS RAT Products

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    View the build. Too much to list.
    An old coworker was working on adopting a foster child. It seemed like a long process. Make sure you do some research.
     
  4. Aug 5, 2013 at 9:02 PM
    #4
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    I've done a lot of it. Still some un answered questions. The biological father has already signed over all parental rights. And has agreed to do go to court to make it official to a judge.

    A friend who is an attorney has agreed to handle the case for us to make things smoother. He was telling me I may be subject to a home inspection from DCS. Which I have already been cleared on as well as the criminal background check required by the state of Tennessee and the financial background check.
     
  5. Aug 5, 2013 at 9:19 PM
    #5
    AZDesertTRD

    AZDesertTRD Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like she already has a wonderful daddy! If you can make it legal...do it! You love her and care about her and I am sure she loves you more than you can imagine.

    If her you and her mother are in a healthy reltionship and she is ok with you adopting her I'd say go for it. Not sure what marital status needs to be for this to happen. Just be sure you are fully aware of the lifetime of responsibility you are taking on. Sounds like you have been putting some serious thought into this.

    You sound like a wonderful man stepping up to be this little girl's daddy. Very sweet to hear something so touching in this sometimes crazy world.

    Good luck! :)
     
  6. Aug 6, 2013 at 9:00 AM
    #6
    Fenwick1993

    Fenwick1993 Friend of Law Enforcement

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    Go for it!! Don't worry about being the perfect daddy for her- I think you already are. Not many men would do as you are trying to do for her. Major respect for you, man- we need more people like you in the world. Best of luck, man!
     
  7. Aug 6, 2013 at 9:25 AM
    #7
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone
     
  8. Aug 6, 2013 at 9:34 AM
    #8
    Pockets

    Pockets Member

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    My one and only daughter is adopted, she was born in Vietnam. Your situation is a lot different than mine. Even though my daughter obviously looks nothing like me, she's my baby girl and i couldn't love her any more. Adoption is a wonderful thing and I pray you have the guidance to make the right decision.
     
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  9. Aug 6, 2013 at 10:14 AM
    #9
    blm

    blm Well-Known Member

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    Adam: not trying to be the wet blanket here but I think you could possibly be rushing things a bit. I think what you are doing is very noble. It would be just as noble if you did the exact same thing 3-4 years from now. She is 6 months old correct. So that means that just 15 months ago her mother was secure enough with another guy to have his child. All I am saying is a lot can change in a year or two. You can be just as big a part of her life without being her legal guardian. If you will be a part of her life for ever then it wont make a bit of difference (to her) if you adopted her in 2013 or 2016. All she will remember is that you were always there. Again not trying to sway you just think about what could happen????
     
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  10. Aug 6, 2013 at 4:42 PM
    #10
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    I totally see your point. It has been something I have tossed around. My parents have said the same. I guess it's just a reality I need to think on. My biggest concern is 15 years down the road after she's been adopted. And she asks the age old question of real dad. And of course the minor things.
     
  11. Sep 20, 2016 at 11:10 AM
    #11
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Well this thread has been long forgotten but screw it I'll revive it for anyone wondering.

    Stacey and I are getting married after a very long 3 year engagement and I will be signing the adoption papers the same day. I have never been more nervous or excited about anything in my life.
     
  12. Sep 20, 2016 at 11:20 AM
    #12
    98tacoma27

    98tacoma27 is gooder 'en chicken Moderator

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  13. Sep 20, 2016 at 11:22 AM
    #13
    holyfield19

    holyfield19 GO TIGERS!

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    That's awesome, congratulations.
     
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  14. Sep 20, 2016 at 11:26 AM
    #14
    ctsnow13

    ctsnow13 Well-Known Member

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    Congrats man! Coming from a family where my dad was adopted, I am really grateful.
    Without my grandparents stepping up and adopting my dad, my parents would have never met, I would have never been born, and I most certainly would have never met my wife.
    Congrats again and thank you for stepping up to the plate! :thumbsup:
     
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  15. Sep 20, 2016 at 12:18 PM
    #15
    lock

    lock Well-Known Member

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    She will always be your little girl.
    I went through a similar experience over thirty years ago, the mother and I didn't work out but my adopted daughter and I are still very close, she calls daily, she's two hours away and the one time I left my phone at home and didn't answer she freaked. I now have two grands and a son in law that's everything a father prays for.
    My only advice is if your relationship with her mother fails that you must remain friends cause that's the only way things will work for your daughter.
     
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  16. Sep 20, 2016 at 12:25 PM
    #16
    stronghammer

    stronghammer It's not a porn name.

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    I say congrats, and good luck. I am in no relationship whatsoever but whenever that day comes, I desire to adopt to give a child who is already in this world a better life. I have a larger fear of bringing a new child into such a corrupt world than I do adopting one who was brought in, unwanted, and giving them a better life. God adopted me, so I want to adopt a child as well.
     
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  17. Sep 20, 2016 at 12:30 PM
    #17
    Jester243

    Jester243 mod status????

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    Congrats man, I never was able to formally adopt my step son as his "father" was a piece of shit. Still raised Tyler like my own from 13 months old, he's now 19. Good on you and good luck to your little family going forward!
     
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  18. Sep 20, 2016 at 10:08 PM
    #18
    AZDesertTRD

    AZDesertTRD Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations Adam! Sounds like you are a wonderful father! I'm sure you'll be a terrific husband as well.
    Glad this story came full circle. Good luck to you and your family. Any plans to add to it?
     
  19. Sep 21, 2016 at 5:31 AM
    #19
    Newlife

    Newlife [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much. We have tossed the idea all around about having another and we are going to try for one more but that's it. I think every kid needs a sibling. Even though I am not close with mine. I still remember the times when I was a kid and my big sister took up for me.
     
  20. Sep 21, 2016 at 7:43 PM
    #20
    AZDesertTRD

    AZDesertTRD Well-Known Member

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    Having a sibling is the best! I can't imagine life without my sister. Unfortunately not all sibling relationships are good but I think more are than not. Good luck to you and your family! Can't wait for the next chapter.
     
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