Age for marriage?

I think that's what i'm going to do.. propose to her soon, then tell her we should wait until shes done with school. Atleast this way she's not freaking out thinking it will never happen..

 

If more men thought about it, they'd probably be a lot more depressed.

But I'm not here to shit on this guys thread. If you wanna discuss it, my PM inbox awaits.

 

21 isn't too young.... it's all about the situation. I wouldn't rush it.
Wait until you're done with school to have the wedding.

However - Nothing wrong with getting 'engaged' now. Pop the question and give her a ring. Nothing wrong with waiting 2 years before actually having the wedding date. Atleast....she'll know you're serious about marrying her.

 

Diamonds are like rocks, girls throw rocks at boys to get their attention, and boys give rocks to girls to get their attention

 

Wait until your careers are on the go. Things are not set in stone and they can change. A lot of variables and stresses that will challenge both of you. Not to mention Female attraction for you and Male for her. Yea, sure you may be the selected few that are meant for each.... Get married, the rules change. For some a little for others a lot. It is different from person to person. Also as for having baby's wait a few years. It WILL change your life style for ever. Both of you should have fun. TRAVELING is one exciting thing to do together. Again it is very different from person to person relationship to relationship.
A little of my self:
I got married at 25 years wife @ 21. We've been married 23 years to be 24 years this December.
Best of luck.

 

shit.. i must be doing something wrong here.... how did you get a girl that good lookin? I have a few friends that just recently got married. One is 21, another is 24. 21 seems young to me but 24 is just about right. I too say wait until both of you land a good paying job that way you can support a family.

 

I'd like to speak from experience here and hopefully you'd at least consider what I'm saying. I don't doubt that you will but I went through this just a short time ago.


I started dating a chick in college. We dated for 4.5 years up until last month. I'm 24. I thought I was going to marry this girl; in fact, I have a ring that few know about. I think that it's good you're living with her because if I hadn't lived with my ex I'd have never broken up with her. I'd have married her.

Getting married at 21 is a mistake in my opinion and not because you're "too young" or stupid but rather because you'd continue to change. My girlfriend and I had always planned on getting married and talked about it frequently. She knew that my stance was that we'd only get married after college when both of us were financially independent as individuals.

There are a few major changes in life that will shape you and will also show you who your significant other really is.

1. Starting college.
2. Finishing college.
3. Getting a job. (or losing one...we'll get to that)
4. Marriage.
5. Kids.
6. Retirement.

Unfortunately, 3 of those you gotta experience on the fly after you get married but the others you have the ability to do before hand and I strongly suggest you do.

After college a bunch of our friends were starting to get married and she was putting the pressure on me. She'd get all giddy at the sight of one of her friends engagement rings or pictures. You need to figure out, by a series of test, whether it's the wedding she's excited about...or marriage. The difference between those might not make sense right away but think about it for a while and you'll see what I mean. Girls who are excited about the wedding see it as the ultimate facebook status update. It's an accomplishment, a milestone. Girls who are excited about marriage know that when the time is right it will be the right time and they wont break up with you over the timing as long as you explain yourself.

I know I said you have to take a few of those points I numbered off on the fly after marriage but you can probe and figure (to some degree) how it will be when they happen. Get stuff worked out like what you want your kids situation to be like. How they'll be raised...religious or not...that kind of stuff. It will be a point of contention later and you two wont be he only ones involved so be fair to the kids and to your homework in advance.

Think about what would happen if your job required you to relocate or worse yet, if you lost your job. I lost my job on New Years Eve (happy new year!) and finally found a job in September with IBM. Her job was more than adequate to support us both. I still paid half of the bills out of my own, slowly decreasing pocket, but for that time she was the only one employed. She cracked under pressure, wanted to quit her job every day; thought it was unfair that she had to work and I didn't. Like I was lazy and wasn't trying to find a job. How do you think your GF would react to being the sole provider? Do you think she would be able to suck it up and be strong for the good of the relationship or your kids? You want an equal partner, think about that.

Retirement, although far away, is something you should think about too. When you two are working full time you only see each other on your "fun" or "relief from work" times. So hell yeah everything will be peachy because you're both just happy you're not at work. Think about extended time when you both aren't at work. Do you get bored? What does she do for fun? Mine didn't have any hobbies. A really unfortunate discovery I made too late in the game was that I was her only hobby. I run, build speakers, mountain bike...you name it and I think it's a great time. I'd come back from a full day of stuff and ask her what she did during the day and she'd respond "nothin". It bothered me that she was perfectly ok with stagnation. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be like that, but I just couldn't handle seeing her squander her time when I was perpetually trying to make the most of mine. It was a source of conflict. She didn't understand why I was so passionate about running and other things and I didn't understand why she could just do nothing. When work is done and you've got nothing left but each other; you think you'll be able to stand yourselves?

I'm not saying that marriage is a bad thing. Quite the contrary really. I think it's the best thing that can happen to two people. You just have to make sure you give yourself a fighting chance and prepare for the bumps in the road. And the road will indeed be bumpy, don't be naive. As long as two people want the same things and enjoy each other and will be flexible for the sake of the relationship you have a good chance.

 

haha I ask myself that question everyday. Still have no idea....just lucky i guess

 

Too much to read so this is probably saying what some others are, but wait! Even after school, wait a year or two.

I started dating my wife when we were 19 (now 30), dated all through college (5 years) and then got jobs a lived together for another year and a half. It wasn't me afraid to commit or vice versa, but you and her both will change what you want in life, not just for a spouse, but everything. If you both grow into each others' changes (and that doesn't mean forcing each other to change) then you know you are right for each other.

 

thanks man, these are some goods things for me to look into. You mentioned the wedding v. marriage. Im hoping that shes wanting the marriage part more. But I know how girls always have their "perfect" wedding. So who knows. Ill have to talk to her about it some-what. If I do propose i want it to be like a suprise..I dont want her to be expecting it. so thats why i haven't talked to her too much about it.

It's funny though, we work together...kind of, we work for the same company but rarely see eachother during the work day. But shes got her "friends" at work that think shes should get married, then everyonce and a while ill be talking to one of them and they'll say how i need to get married.. but theres no way im getting married because OTHER people think i should. The only way id get married if i was financially and mentally ready. Which i think im pretty close to..

 

If you're only *hoping* she wants marriage more than the wedding, that should be a bigass red flag right there.

Last sentiment: Remember, and this applies to every woman on the planet: No matter how great you think she is, somewhere there is a guy that's tired of her shit.

 

I don't think 21 is too young but my wife and I ended up waiting until we were both out of school to get married. We dated since high school and ended up dating 10 years the day before we got married. To me, money was an issue since she was working full time and purchased a house that we fixed up for a few years before we actually moved in and I was still finishing school (only had two part-time jobs). I think it worked out for us but if money is not an issue that is a BIG piece of the puzzle. I would look into all things involved; where y'all are going to live, local career opportunities, etc. For some people getting married is not a big deal, a few witnesses and a preacher, but for some it's a much bigger deal. Best of luck and all that really matters is what the two of you think.

 

I'd suggest that you don't outright ask her "wedding vs marriage" but rather see what her actions/comment suggest. See, there is a level of bullshit involved that you have to be able to avoid. If your GF asks you a question and you know how you SHOULD respond do you answer how you SHOULD or the way that would get you in trouble less? She'll likely do the same thing so being direct might not be the best approach. I know it sounds sly but as long as you're doing it in the interest of your marriage or future kids I think it's more than justified.

 

I got married at 19, and my wife was 18. And things are better than ever right now (I'm gonna be 23 in December). If you can move out, if you guys are both mature, then do it. Like someone else mentioned, communication and compromising is key. I failed to realize that early on and did some stupid ish, but we've both matured and our relationship is amazing at this point. Whatever you decide, best wishes.

Also, you dont have to complete school as a single person, you can be married. Most people think its too young for us to get married but I always wonder why the new generation that thinks its ideal to wait, ends up divorced over half the time yet the older generations [who wed young] end up together 50 years down the road. My wife and I are both attending school right now and finishing up a B.A and have no issues living together as students/workers. We have our own place where we can focus on school when need be and get our ish done.

 

just say yes dear. you should be fine then

 

It most certainly is. The key is to make sure that BOTH parties do it equally.

 

Does this dress make me look fat?

Yes dear....

 

haha yeah thats normally what i say..."uh huh ok dear what ever you want"

 

Yup. When my wife wont do something that I'd like her to do, I have to compromise. I dont WANT to hit her, But I go out of my way and out of the norm to do it. I dont enjoy doing it but I do it for the sake of our marriage. She'll end up doing what Id like her to, which makes me happy, and that makes her happy. I hope your taking notes on this....