American BS thread

yep, probably be there around 6. I have a few things left on my food list that I need to eat tonight as well as going to see the concert. You guys still going?

 

That's what the email was about... I'm sure we'll go, I need some bacon wrapped corn dog.

 

Yeah, I forgot to tell you to tell her this shit too. Talking them off the ledge every day is pretty typical until you are on the honeymoon, staring at each other in an exhausted stupor over pina coladas, and asking each other WTF just happened. And getting drunk and fucking.

On the silly details, tell her that you trust her judgment to make the right calls, she has great taste, and that's why you are marrying her. DO NOT SAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DETAILS. Internally, she is killing herself over how every single family member, friend, and especially her MOM will judge every fucking doily on every table. We know it doesn't matter, but if you say you don't care about the blue ribbon or which side the fucking Jordan almonds go on, she takes it as you belittling her over spending untold billions of hours of emotional agony over "shit that doesn't matter," and that makes her feel dumb and like you think she is wasting her time and she is going it alone into the most emotional gauntlet of her life.

LOL. You know, I have this problem with my dad now. 79 years old. I tell him, dad, if there is an emergency (someone dying, house on fire, etc.) call my cell phone. Do not call my work number for personal calls. If it is not urgent, just call me after work, or leave a VM on the home phone.

Now he calls all my numbers all the time to ask me things like "will you be down on time for dinner Friday night," 4 fucking days from now, and the answer is always, no, dad, I have to work all day Friday, then go home and eat and pack and wait for the traffic to die down, and I'll be there at 10 to have a bourbon with you. Just like the last 20 Fridays I came down.

This generally occurs when a client is freaking out and has the "fire drill du jour," the attorny general is riding shotgun on that, and Word and Acrobat and all the printers are crashing, and there's the annual fire drill building evacuation in progress.

What was the quesiton, Chad?

 

Sonofabitch this is sofaking dumb. 2 days in a row I have made a turkey wrap thing for lunch, wrapped it in saran wrap and put it in the fridge at work for lunch. Both days, someone has stuck their finger through the plastic wrap and the tortilla into the inside of the wrap, I assume to see what's inside... Who the fuck does that?

 

Haha you would, Dick.

 

wow, time to setup a web cam and catch the fucker.

 

I'm just gonna get a fuckin yeti cooler and keep shit in my office. Office manager just laughed about it.

 

Gross, I wouldnt want to eat it after that.

 

Office manager said it just happens when people move stuff around in the fridge... my ass, my sandwich was fucking violated.

 

sandwhich violation is a crime too

 

Its seems like it was intentional. If it was just through the saran wrap Id beleive that, but to make it through the tortilla as well, that took some pressure.

 

It was still delicious....

 

Just fill a wrap with a dye packet

Problem solved

 

Krappy its us!

 

How many times did we get yelled at last time we were out?

 

You just wanted to give the ranger a sudo middle finger.

 

yep, and that last time, i was having a hell of a hole to start with and then he had to show up.

 

Foreman's hott sister from That 70's Show died.