any 30 year olds dating a 40+ year old?

nice! where are the pics?

 

I've been seeing her for 6 months total. We just weren't really serious in the beginning. It may be fast, but like i said, the kids and school is really the determining factor. If we wait till next year her oldest will be a senior and going into a new school- not fun. Plus that's a lonng time away.

 

Honestly, the whole thing about having kids when you're older is her issue, not yours. And what I mean about that, is she has to decide if she'll have the energy to run around after a kid, and if she'll want to at that age. Thing is, you age is no big deal. And I don't mean that in an accusing way. I mean that in that, you'll be fine.

My wife and I married at 34 and 35, had our first kid at 34 and 36, second one at 35 and 37. Originally, she wanted something like 20 kids (give or take). But she wasn't married in time. We had talked about a third one, but she felt she was too old. My answer was that 40 now is not like 40 was when our parents turned 40, or our grandparents. I remember seeing people in their '60's, and they looked OLD! And it's not just because I'm a lot closer now than I was 20 or 30 years ago, people really are becoming healthier. I heard someone mention somebody who died young. When I asked how old, he was almost 70. Hell, when I was a kid, every birthday after 65 was a "congratulations you didn't die yet!" celebration. I said to imagine one of our grandfather's spending a few thousand dollars on a bike when they were in their 30's. Not only would people think he's off his rocker for paying that much (actually, they still do...but I digress), they'd wonder why someone would by a bike when they have a car. Now, I see just as many people older than me as younger than me on the hard core trails. One guy I rode with had bought himself a $6500 mountain bike for his 50th birthday...7 years prior. And I couldn't keep up with him. My trainer is now 50, looks like he's out of that stupid Magic Mike movie. People are staying "young" much longer. I get on the trampoline and wrestle with my girls, 4 and 7. I don't think my parents would be able to do that at 40. I dragged my then 64 year old mother in law on the Krakken at Sea World...for my 4th trip. I don't think I've ever seen my parents on a roller coaster. Heck, there are several guys in the NHL over 40 right now, when 20 years ago, other than Gordie Howe, 35 was old. While it's do to training and a few other things, the fact that it's happening more often, I believe, tells you that we're evolving. And I say that, because it's funny how often I see friends on Facebook, and think, "Man, we don't look like we're in our 40's". Then every once in a while I run across someone from high school and say, "Woa! Now THAT looks the way 40 USED to look!" It's also why you'll see people in their 70's who are traveling and doing whatever, then you see people the same age wearing diapers in rest homes. Now that being said, after stating my case to my wife, she said, "It has nothing to do with that...having a baby after 40 is physically brutal on a woman." That, I know nothing about...

 

More power to ya mon.

One perspective from outside that you might not consider.

A friend of ours (wife and I) is a retired plumber from Brooklyn. He got hurt (back) in a steam explosion/pipe burst while doing an emergency after-hours job for the port authority in the late 90s. He's permanently retired at....I think 50 or 51 now.

She was the cougar. MUCH older, her own money, a tenured teacher in the New York School system. Retired at 62, full pension, yada yada.

Well, she fell into ill health shortly thereafter. By 65 she was essentially disabled. She can't hardly walk. She can barely bathe herself. She's ballooned up to almost 300 pounds, had two knee surgeries as both have gone out trying to support a now triple-weight frame at 68 years old.

She's also diabetic now, with hypertension and 87 other diseases that require close to 2 GRAND in pills a month to keep down. Sex? About a decade ago. She barely moves between the shitter, the couch, and the bed.

He's old-school italian. Faithful and loyal to an end, but he's effectively single socially, but without the ability to get his rocks off. And he has a full time 'job' caretaking for jabba the hut's ugly cousin, that USED to be a pretty good lookin' wife and now drools on itself when the pain pills start to wear off.

....


Look, his is a worst-case, yea. But think about your future. When you're 50, she'll be at or near retirement age. Start thinking ALL of these things through carefully now, not later.

 

OP Bro.. I am in somewhat of a same but different situation. I am 25 and my wife is 37 we just hasd a baby ( now 4 months old) We have our good days and bad but the only thing that seems to be the biggest issue in our relationship is she says that all of her experiences through life are a lot more than I have, And that is probably our biggest issue. I say if she makes you happy then thats all that matters, but just remember her kids are her kids no matter if you marry or not. just make sure she is aware of your concerns and just be honest with her on them all.. and i am sure everything will go just the way you like for it to.

 

it was 1996 and i didn't document our encounters but, i feel like she might have she was a messy little freak lol

 

that is called LOVE....

 

That's what I was thinking, but given the description given, thought maybe there was more to the story.

 

I didn't read everything in here but that is a tough one. But I did want to say that I'm 42 and my wife is 40. We just had a healthy baby boy last Thursday. We wanted to try sooner but due to her being layed off and then getting settled in her new job, not wanting to get pregnant right away, we finally got pregnant just after her 40th bday. She has been so worried about this baby not being healthy. I kept telling her everything would be fine. But it was stressful for her. It has been hard on her and will still be as he grows. For us it was now or never. And this is my first and most likely only child.

With all this said, we, mostly she did everything the dr. told her. Took pre-natal vitamins, no caffine, no alcohol, and even stopped taking birth control for several months before we started trying. Point being at that age I wouldn't want to just have it be accidental w/o first doing all these things to help the chances of having a healthy baby. Something to think about.

I feel so blessed to have this baby and can't describe how it feels to finally have my own. And it is something I think everyone needs to do. I melt when my just over one week old opens his eyes and looks at me. I am so glad we did go ahead and get pregnant, even at our age.

Bottom line is you have some serious thinking to do. If having kids is that important to you then I can't say I'd continue the relationship, but on the other hand if ya'll love each other and want to be together then you have a tough decision to make, and that is something that only you can do.

 

Nope. Nothing more.

It IS love, and he knows it and says it.

But when ya get a couple drinks in him, he knows damn well he's in a social and personal purgatory until she kicks off naturally.

He cares for her the best he can, and caters to her as well as she can appreciate.

But on a day to day level, there's basically an extended care facility for a disabled lady that barely recognizes him half the time for the next decade or so. While he's got a tweaky back, yea, but he also has a 600BHP 350Z that he likes blowing the doors off Maseratis and Ferraris with.

He around and about and lonely as hell cause she can't hardly get off the sofa. He's guily and miserable because even with his back, he can still ride a motorcycle, go to the beach, shoot pool, shoot baskets with the neices, etc etc.... he's retired young and livin' life and the LOVE of his life can't get out of the house, and as such he's guilt-wracked to be the healthy one.

 

Wow, there's an incredible amount of misinformation here. Yes, a crude look at raw statistics suggests an increase in complications during pregnancy for older women. However, with a closer look, you'll notice the risks overall (all ages) are already so low, any increase at a particular age is almost insignificant. For example, if the risk is one in a million at age 25, an increase of one in 975,000 at 45 is hardly a big deal.

Moreover, with decent pre-natal care and medical intervention, most complications can easily be corrected. In fact, thanks to ongoing advances in pre-natal and medical care, a 45-year old woman today has a far greater chance of a successful pregnancy than a 25-year old just a few decades ago. In the end, most pregnancies (at nearly any age) will end with a healthy baby.

Of course, I'm still laughing at the absurdity of the "old eggs" versus "new eggs" premise interjected into the thread a few messages back. In a human female, fresh eggs are produced every single month, not stored up in the body over a lifetime, getting "old," until used. In other words, there's no difference between the eggs produced by a woman at 25 or 45.

Anyway, as for caring for children while older, we're living to be much older today. In fact, with the increased life expectancies today, you're far more likely to live well into that child's adulthood than a 25-year old a century ago.

As for conflicts, that's teenagers in any situation. Having your own (versus adoption) certainly isn't going to ensure domestic tranquility.

 

Pretty awesome, eh? If you told me ten years ago I'd be the type to go gooey over anything that didn't have wheels, I'd have laughed at you (after I asked who the hell you were). Now, not only am I known as the big marshmallow around my house, my little girls have a song about it.

Congratulations!

 

Just make sure that it's right and you know that it is.

 

Sounds like true love to me...I wish you both only the very best life has to offer!

Look on the bright side, if or when her oldest has a child, you'll be able to tell all your buddies that your going home to bang granny...that's pretty cool right there!

 

How is this worst case? That can happen at any age. Totally irrelevant other than the fact the age difference was big. Props to him for staying with it though. That has to be tough.

I am 30 and I think I look way younger. I see other people I graduated with on facebook and they look like crap! Balding already, fat, etc. I go riding and run into 50+ year olds on the trails all the time. They totally kick my ass. It's humbling having them pull you along with 20+ year on you. I don't think she would have a problem raising another kid in her 40s. Shes already active as hell and raised the 3 she has now 100% by herself for the last 5 years and pretty much by herself when the dad was around the previous 5-10 years. She will have someone (me) to help take the load off now.

congrats on the baby! We haven't had any issues of experience battles or any issues in general. The biggest issue is her worrying that I am going to leave her or that she isn't good enough for me. Being in an abusive relationship prior can do that. I assure her every once in a while everything will be fine and she seems to calm down a bit.

I already asked about how the kids would act if they had to listen to me. She has already talked to them about it and they claim they will be ok with someone else (me) telling them what to do. When I am at her house or camping they seem to listen to me pretty well so I am not too concerned. I think I might be the more lenient parent over mom anyways

Congrats. You are one lucky dude. One is better than none. Maybe you guys will decide to try for a second one. Mine has already gone off BC in preparation for possibly trying for a kid and getting her body back to normal state.

Great post and good points. I like it. My grandma had my mom when she was 40...and that was 60 years ago! My mom came out just fine.

 

Wasn't this the entire fucking point? You're 30. She's 14 years older or whatever the number is.

When you're 50, she'll be 64 and retiring. If 50 to 64 is unkind to her, you could be fit and hearty while she gets advanced osteoporosis, breaks a hip and is confined to a wheelchair.

Enjoy your retirement, honey!

(Not trying to be snarky, really. But its something I see fairly regularly down here in the waiting room of the gods _a.k.a. Florida_ and the big difference in age couples can have a pretty rough go of it. Just make sure your eye are open all the way.)

 

no, it's not the point. She could have gotten sick or injured at 50, 40, just the same. That's like saying there's no point in living since everyone dies at some point. Jeez. I don't have any family using wheel chairs or walkers. I have grandparents in their 90s that still drive and go to the store and own a home. I have 90 year old cousins that still go out and party. I fail to see your point because it goes both ways.