Bad day thread

I figure there’s a lot of people who are struggling lately, and a little venting is free therapy. If you don’t wanna read and just spout off go for it, as long as you’re not here to take it out on any other people posting.

I’m diving in.

I've got a shit ton going on. Taking over a remodeling business during Covid with the price of materials doubling, taking care of my wheelchair ridden dad who’s got maybe 6 months to live, taking care of my parents 5 acres and all the shit that goes into it.

I don’t travel because of Covid and even if I could there’s no one else to take care of my dad because my piece of shit older brother who’s a firefighter no less is pulling the same old psycho shit to get out of doing a thing.

Some days are better than others right?

Some days like today where this dipshit HVAC contractor is yelling at me on the phone because I’m asking him over and over why he can’t do it the way he initially said he was going to.

I’ve been a carpenter for over 25 years and to be perfectly honest I can more than hold my own and in a lot of cases can do these guys’ job as well as them (except good painters (wouldn’t want to) and electricians (dangerous shit)). A monkey can do this jackass’s job. He’s trying to tell me it’s our fault for the way he ran ac line and why he can’t do a cosmetic install with line hide even after he refused when we offered to open exterior sheeting to braze on another set of line to keep it in the wall. He tried to say it can’t be done, but I’m compelled to say to him, “Apparently you can’t do it but I’ve personally watched it done several times.”

The truth is he’s a fucking prick. I was warned when I came back into the fold over a year ago. I'm back after 10 years away from this place, and I’d started here as a laborer in 1995, and some things are not as I left them.

My first experience with this asshole I get a call from my plumber who I’ve known and worked with for 15 years saying that this heat guy is a dick, and it wasn’t the last time by a stretch I’ve either personally experienced it or heard that from all of my leads or both.

Today was the first time anyone has talked to me like this asshole did (sorry for the cursing, trust me I’m keeping it pg from where I wanna go) and it took everything I had not to scream at this idiot so loud his teeth would rattle, but my temper has gotten me in trouble before so I’m actually impressed by how I held it together when I think of what I want to say.

Still, I’m trying to sleep on it now and my mind is racing and I have thought of 100 things I could say to cut this idiot down, but I doubt losing our number would bother him one bit.

He’s a complete jackass, a special brand of bitch and it amazes me my boss I’ve known since I was 15 kept this guy in his phone. I’ve worked with a lot of heat guys and these dudes are nothing special. It takes patience and intelligence to do remodels, especially for our clients who are at time extremely high maintenance. High maintenance and high income, and I’m always trying to incentivize guys but I know sometimes it’s not about money, it’s about scheduling and not losing other work and not pulling your hair out.

I’m not enamored with this particular job either. Clients a high up at Amazon, like it’s Jeff Bezos, another guy then this guy, though I bet there’s 100’s of this guy. I’m sure he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has no concept of the time it takes to do all of this extra work and thinks he can snap his fingers and he gets anything he wants. It literally doubled in scope, went from $350k to $700k overnight, and they have added and added and added and changed and changed decisions.

Still, tough shit, get over it you whiny, tantrum-throwing, socially retarded petty little man. Grow the fuck up.

How I would so love telling him to send us his final bill for what he got done and take the shit off he didn’t do and I’m more than competent enough to know the difference, and when he asks why and exclaims that he didn’t finish I’ll tell him he is most certainly finished and obviously isn’t smart enough to do the work we need so I’ll find someone who can.

 

Damn, sorry man.

Hang in there

 

That's rough, buddy.

After reading that, I don't really have anything to complain about.

 

I had a bad habit of doing just this sort of thing. Then one day I read an article put out by my employer's mental health consultant on "Self Talk". "Self Talk" is where you replay an event in your head and imagine what you should of said or could have said. I was doing this a lot myself. Anyway...the article stressed that this sort of re-thinking stressful situations is counterproductive for a lot of reasons.

Since then, I have just as many instances when my brain starts down this road...but I just shut it down. I catch myself and stop and don't waste another minute on rehashing conversations. I think this one thing has by itself lowered my work stress level by maybe 1/3. Not saying I don't get stressed....but it's better.

YMMV.

Phil

 

This is my worst habit by far. I sometimes replay heated conversations on topics that don't even / marginally effect me personally from YEARS ago in conference rooms of companies I don't even work for anymore because it sticks in my craw that badly.

 

I appreciate the perspective, I agree and am aware of the concept of negative self talk. I’m motivated by anger a lot, it helps me power through and I’m usually highly productive as a result, but it’s like a bomb blast and I make everyone miserable. It creates high levels of toxicity. My wife can’t stand being the one who has to hear about it and I realize its not helping us stay connected, and she is the most important person in my life, so it does need to change. Thank you to you guys, kind words

 

Maybe say to him, “If this isn’t something you are capable of doing, or fell comfortable doing?
That’s ok. But please let me know, that way I can find someone else to do it.”

Reiterate the fact that, is ok if he can’t do it. And that it isn’t a problem if he can’t.
But that you have scheduled and you need to meet expected deadlines as close to or on time as possible.

There’s more than one way to “suggest” you don’t want or need someone’s service any longer.
I’ve found that it is usually better when you let the other part feel as if it’s their choice.
When in reality, the choices given are in your favor or benefit.


BTW, If no has thanked you for helping with your father lately.
Thank you Sir. I know he greatly appreciates it. You’re a good man for doing it

It will work out.

 

I feel guilty as hell, just dumping my shit. Thank you for asking.

-heart disease since his early sixties when he had his first heart attack. (1 major/several minor since)
-80 now which is a small miracle- thank modern medicine- a year ago April doctors were suggesting hospice, but I asked him what he wanted to do and I will do anything I can to provide a path to as long as he wants to stay alive so I’m helping him fight.
-diabetic with bad neuropathy, had his leg amputated below the knee about 9 months ago, lots of fingers and toes gone along the way
-renal failure, dialysis 3 times a week for last 3 years

My 78 yo mom takes care of his food and meds, my wife keeps his space clean and I do everything else including getting him up, clothing him, getting him on and off the toilet and cleaning him up and putting him to bed

He is at times very difficult to deal with. Volatile at times as he always has been, selfish, ungrateful, bitter and blames the world and God for his condition. I feel sorry for him and love him dearly, but I don’t respect him for how he got to this point and I don’t treat people like he does.

I’ve defied my family genetics of short and squat, and was an athlete since peewee to 40 when I hung up my lacrosse cleats and always worked my ass off and enjoyed hard physical work.

He was/is a marine in his twenties and was a standout baseball player in high school, even had a minor league tryout, but he just gave up sometime in his late 30’s. He never listened when I tried to help him change his diet and take care of himself. Even now he eats like crap or doesn’t eat at all.

It’s been absolutely overwhelming while at the same time struggling through one of the toughest times in history and taking over a business.

I don’t quit, I just don’t, but right now I’m feeling very burnt out, angry a lot of the time.

Time to go see a shrink again I think. This is a health thread, so I have no shame in admitting that I have struggled with anxiety and depression for much of my life and mental health is as important as physical.

 

My own dad ended up in hospital last August, and passed away in January. The last months of his 21 year battle with cancer were brutal. So I can certainly understand at least some of that part.

For work stress, a while back, I started looking at things like this: Is that a “me problem?” If yes, then what can I do about it? Ok, lets do that. Or, if the answer is “nothing”, is it really a me problem?? That doesn’t mean I don’t still wake up in the middle of the night mulling it over again, totally involuntarily.

I remind myself that I can only do what I CAN do, not what everyone (that can’t do what I do) thinks I can do or wants me to do. Life is too short for that.