Chuck Norris

All men are created equal. Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, its decedents are know today as giraffes.

 

I miss the parents/Amazon thread it was way better.

 

Chuck Norris beat a statue in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris can predict the next song on his iPod in shuffle mode.

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

 

What, no love for Chuck anymore? Come on people!

Chuck Norris can get 5 of a kind while playing blackjack.

 

Chuck Norris knows how much wood the woodchuck can chuck

 

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter

 

chuck norris can speak brail! LOL

 

I once pulled over Chuck Norris. He did let me go with a warning!

True story, I made a traffic stop on Chuck Norris. I pulled a vehicle over in which the taillights were not on at night (stupid daylight running lamps). As Mr. Norris got out of his ride, I told the Dispatcher to not give out the return on the license plate that I gave them. I got out and said, "Mr. Norris, you're just running with your daylight lamps!"

He chuckled, didn't ninja whip me or my squad car, shook hands with me, and I told him that I had to go help an elderly man change a tire. He told me to be careful and that was that. That whole traffic stop might have been 45 seconds.

A colleague came to where I was changing the tire. When I told him who I had stopped, he demanded to see the tape. His response upon watching the tape: "ALL RIGHT!"

Slotback lives to tell the tale. Not many men get to do that.

 

Osama Bin Ladin is not hiding from the US, he is hiding from Chuck Norris (i just watched Delta Force).

Its not Global warming, Chuck Norris farted.

Chuck Norris once belly flopped in the Gulf of Mexico, the result was Hurricane Katrina

 

come on!

 

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he does not get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

 

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
ALL OF IT!

 

I shook his hand and got the immortal memory in my head of the words, "Hey Jeremy, I'm Chuck! Good to meet you!" This was while I was in Iraq.

The USO polled the troops back in 06 and asked who they wanted to see and they overwhelmingly said Chuck Norris. I'll never forget the Com guys holding up a sign that said, "The war is over! Chuck Norris is here!"

Couple kids in Faluja got their Corporal chevrons pinned on by him the day prior too. Really cool, friendly guy in person. He seemed really humble and completely blown away by how all these deployed Marines carrying rifles were treating him like a god.

I got the pics somewhere ...

 

you're not the only one! i cry at night wishing i could go somewhere to laugh, and that thread was the only thing that could do it. in the mean time...

Chuck Norris once made love to himself in a past life. That's not a joke, it's just plain 'ole heterosexual man love.

 

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

 

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris