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Common Tools: Defined

Discussion in 'Garage / Workshop' started by lsocoee, May 21, 2009.

  1. May 21, 2009 at 11:30 AM
    #1
    lsocoee

    lsocoee [OP] My hair is all natural Thor

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    Common Tools Defined

    * DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    * WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh!#..."
    * SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
    * PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    * BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    * HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    * VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    * WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    * OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. (And when you can't get that rounded bolt off with the Vice Grips just use the Blue Wrench!)
    * TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
    * E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
    * BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
    * TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
    * CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
    * PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    * STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
    * PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    * HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
    * HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
     
  2. May 21, 2009 at 11:35 AM
    #2
    cntstan

    cntstan Well-Known Member

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    Wisconsin now, North Carolina will always be HOME
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    3" Toytec coilovers, rear AAL,satoshi'd grill,ARE topper,TRD exhaust, All Pro winch bumper, Warn winch, All Pro skid, Pro comp 7089's, Supersprings, Wet Okole seat covers
    I swear it's like someone has been watching me work!!!!:eek: I'm going out to check for hidden cameras right now.
     
  3. May 21, 2009 at 2:11 PM
    #3
    Janster

    Janster Old & Forgetful

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    Nice!!

    Not so much the same theme, but fun anyway. I see all kinds of *funky* stuff at work on a daily basis.

    Broom Handle: Can be used as a baseball bat at anything mechanical that doesn't cooperate with you. Beating on it has proven productive.

    Reversible Drill: Can only be used with reversible drill bits to drill counter clockwise holes. :D

    Tape: Comes in many forms and varies in stickiness. Can be used to repair holes in airlines with 100lb psi pressure.

    Brakleen: Is known to work well on teflon coated materials at 300degrees+ - a great cleansing agent.
     
  4. May 21, 2009 at 2:14 PM
    #4
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
  5. May 21, 2009 at 2:30 PM
    #5
    lsocoee

    lsocoee [OP] My hair is all natural Thor

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    Hotdog
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  6. May 21, 2009 at 2:31 PM
    #6
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    FlimFlubberJAM
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    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    LMAO!!!

    Im actually you posted it again!!

    Funny stuff. :)
     
  7. Jun 25, 2009 at 11:30 AM
    #7
    ItalynStylion

    ItalynStylion Sounds Gooooood

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    I'd like to add to the list...

    ROUTER: An ear-piercingly loud device used to turn wood into saw dust.
     
  8. Jun 25, 2009 at 11:33 AM
    #8
    thebigk

    thebigk 6 Double 5 3 2 1

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    Odessa, TX
    RATCHET & SOCKET: A device used to slip off of a nut or bolt to slam your knuckles into adjacent stationary objects.
     
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