Duh Stories

I thought to myself "dang, this is the longest stop sign I've ever been at" before I heard the horn honk behind me. It was after a 26 hour work shift trying to up an aircraft in preparation for an upcoming deployment.

 

i car pooled with someone and one day id drive (a corolla)and one day he'd drive. on a morning he drove i was at the local park-n-ride (lot where you get on a bus) parked and waiting. he pulsl up, i get out, get my lunch out of the back seat and proceed to work for the day.

when i got back to my car i noticed I left the radio on and could hear it from outside the car. The only way to do that is to leave the keys in the ignition. Not only were they in the ignition, but I left the car running !!!

YEP!!! I just got out, and left it there running for for 9 hours..... with the AC on in the spring (had plenty of gas left). was nice and cold when i got in

Good thing is there isnt any foot traffic around there. Just working folks walking by and getting on a bus so even if someone noticed it they might woulda just thought i was just nearby.

 

Not in my Toyota but in my Dodge Dakota about 10 yrs ago, I was in a hurry and I stopped by a 7-11 to get a drink and I was thinking about some stuff. I grab my cell phone, hop out of the truck and slam the door. I start to walk away and I realized the truck was still running and the doors were locked. I had to call my sister to pick up my extra keys and bring them to me. I got an ice tea and sat on the tailgate until she got there a long while later. Now it can't happen since the Tacomas won't allow locking the doors with the doors open with the key in the ignition.

 

About ten years ago in A school (coast guards tech school) a group of us went camping. The facility had big garbage cans and I decided it would be a good idea to throw stuff in one without stopping in my Dakota. I proceed to do this stupid exercise while having friends in the truck of course. I, of course, got too close, slammed into it and dented my truck right above the headlight. Needless to say the truck went silent and I felt like an a$$. Everyone knew I was a pretty pissed bc I am OCD about my vehicles... Whoops!

 

These are great. Keep em comin

 

or not........

 

I'm a tech for Lexus and usually the one who looks at any noise issues or water leaks. Another tech did a service on a car and there was a noise, sounded like a crunching noise (not very loud) only while braking. I take a ride with the tech and hear the noise, sounds like it's coming from the rear so I sit in the back, now it sounds like it's in the front of the car. Lean forward a little and found the cause of the noise.
There was a golf ball rolling around in the center console, it only made noise while braking ???

 

This one is my favorite so far.

 

I had a 94 Camry only a year old when I got a low tire. When I tried to take the lug nuts off to change the tire the lug wrench didn't fit. I angrily drove the car to the dealership not far away and asked why my lug wrench didn't fit. A lot guy came out and calmly popped off the hubcaps where the real lug nuts were. I had a previous car in which the lug nuts kept the hubcap on. Talk about feeling stupid.

 

I haven't really done anything lately that I can recall.

But my biggest one was with my previous car, A BMW 540I.

For my best friends bachelor party we all got our own rooms at the Hilton Hotel in San Francisco... It has a multi level parking structure that has a very narrow curved entry/exit that is attached to the hotel. We arrived Saturday afternoon, Grudgingly paid $50 to park in the parking structure and swore I will not drive until I leave Sunday. But since I'm a paranoid SOB and I had 1 other best friend (not the groom) and my best friends (the grooms) friend and parking in San Francisco I used its extensive security system...

With older BMWs (80's-early 00s) they have a system where you turn the ignition to accessory, Press a "CODE" button, Input a 4 digit number password and press the "S/R" (Save/Reset) button. A little red light goes on and you take out the key. What this does, Is it will not allow the car to start unless the code is put in when you put the key in the ignition and turn it to accessory, And along with this type of security system is a fool proof alarm system. When you lock the doors and press the "ARM" button on the optional alarm it will not let the doors open at all, Even from inside.

So my car was pretty much set... After Saturday nights binge drinking where we all got completely wasted and had a great time. Upon arrival to my beloved BMW Sunday morning. I disarm the alarm, load up all our stuff and input the code... The code wasn't accepted, I try it again, Not accepted... Try it again, Not accepted. And now the horn starts blaring and all the lights start flashing, at 10AM in a concrete parking structure with a door that goes right into the hallway for hotel rooms just a few feet away. I want to shut this car up, So I rapidly start trying whatever sequence of number I could have possibly used.

Left the car alone for 3 minutes and the alarm stopped making noise, I try it again... Horn starts blaring. For 2 hours I am doing this and my friends are getting just as annoyed. I finally run into the hallway for some silence and the horn is still pretty loud, I over hear people walking by speaking about the BMW being annoying suggesting blowing it up, pull the horn etc... I call BMW NA, They don't know what to do... So they transfer me to BMW roadside assistance... All they can do is get me a tow truck... I call the nearest BMW dealership and their service department is closed. I am screwed... The alarm goes quiet and comes back on because my friend keeps trying with codes. After feeling defeated for 20 minutes. I'm just going to pull out the power wire to the horn... If I can find it. And I couldn't...

My friend asks, What would happen if we disconnected the battery for a minute and reconnected it... I'm up for anything, But would not be surprised if BMW had a back up battery for its security system. So I disconnect it and reconnect it.... The display then starts counting down from 15 minutes. I don't know if thats 15 minutes to put in the code or if it'll reset after 15 minutes.

Turns out... That 15 minute count down, reset the code... almost 3 hours later.

 

We had a Benz 300 SDL that had an issue with the alarm one weekend while we were on vacation. It kept going off for no reason and wouldn't reset at all. Like you, obvious choice - disable the horn, the flashing head and tail lights can be dealt with. We disable to the horn and try again, and their is another horn just for the alarm that is not able to be accessed (not by us at the time, anyway). So my dad drove the car back 2 1/2 hours with the alarm blaring, lights flashing, horn honking. It would stop every 3 minutes, and would restart anytime he hit the brake pedal.

 

I'm surprised he didn't get pulled over.

 

Ha! I forgot to mention that. We were also. IIRC we passed 3 cops on the way home. Half of the ride was in fading afternoon sun and the other half was after sunset, so maybe it helped that it wasn't dark yet.

We'll never know.

 

Got 2 stories that most on here could probably relate too.

1: First time I changed the oil on my Tacoma I had a brain fart and forgot to put a cup underneath the oil filter drain. Loosened the filter and... you guessed it... all the oil ran onto both skid plates. Talk about one hell of a mess. Had to take both of them off and it was a complete fuck story.

2: You will know what I did wrong about half way through this story.

I bought a brand new SeaDoo GTX and had it on the lake probably 3-4 times. Ran great and would do 72 MPH easy. Went to the lake one Sat. during 4th of July and the ramp was packed. Backed my wife down the ramp she started it up and pulled it off the trailer. I pulled my truck off the ramp and noticed my wife sitting dead in the water about 50 yrds off shore with the engine not running. She kept cranking it but nothing. I was pissed! Brand new fucking SeaDoo and it's not fucking running. I ended up having to swim out to get her and pull her back to shore and load it back on the trailer. I fucked around with it all afternoon and never could get it to start. Set down at the camper pissed off with a beer and it dawned on me.... I forgot to turn the fucking fuel on!!!! Goddamnit!!! What a fucking Idiot!!! I thought to myself. I walked back to the SeaDoo and turned the gas on and low and behold it started right up. I told my wife some bullshit story that the fuel line had come off and I got it fixed because I was too embarrassed to tell her the truth. But that experience taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and say "WTF? have I done wrong here". Would have saved me a lot of frustration that weekend.

 

Finally something of yours that isn't spotless.. your mouth! Swearing and lying to the wife?

Filthy, filthy man!

 

If you only knew... I've turned cussing into poetry.

 

In my Tacoma one night at around midnight, I got off work and went to get in my truck and get home. Turned it on and everything seemed fine, went to put it in drive and noticed none of my gauges or stereo were lit. Being still a bit new to the truck I freaked out and called my dad who had to get up for work in 2 hours. I got him to come to my workplace's parking lot (a good 30 minute drive from home) and check it out. He took one look and said "You know your truck has a dial that dims/shuts off the lights for the gauges right?" I must've accidentally turned the dial all the way down somehow, Felt like the dumbest person Ever!

 

One that happened to me a while back was on my motorcycle. I ride to work every day that the weather permits and my moment happened while at a stoplight. Usually when coming to a stop I will put my left foot down since my right foot is on the rear break. When stopped, I will switch feet so that my left foot is on the foot peg/shifter and right foot on the ground. When switching feet, my shoelace got caught on the foot peg and I couldn't get my foot down as the bike was tilting over. I ended up catching it at the last moment as the bike was falling over to the right side. I basically did the biggest hardest one legged squat of my life. Ended up saving it though, I am sure it was a sight to see.

 

one time in my old suburban was with my wife and kids and another couple and there kids driving to a store,wife sees a yard says lets stop.Okay kids say we are staying in car.Ok will leave car running with are on,kids know dont touch anything.turn around there are kids. ask oldest son (maybe 13 at time where are the keys?In the car ok nice place no worries of theft.get back to truck doors locked.I ak homeowner if has a wedge of wood and a hanger,get truck open in about 5 min.good to go.driving down road 2min later i realize had a hide a key under bumper.Wtf

 

Its not Toyota but I once borrowed my grandmothers car (a saturn of some type). Anyway I just got into the car from the store and no matter what I did the engine wouldn't turn over.
I sat there for a good 30 minutes trying to figure out what the problem was as it was a brand new car at the time. I was on the phone with my grandma and she has no idea what it could be and was just about ready to call a tow truck when I gave it one last try. Nothing, so I hit the steering out of frustration as I was turning the key and boom it started up! As it would turn out I put the car in park with the steering wheel turned and they had an anti theft device of some sort and all I needed to do was turn the steering wheel a bit towards it's regular position and it would start.

Seems so silly now.