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favorite funny sayings/comebacks

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by skiergd011013, Feb 6, 2015.

  1. Feb 12, 2015 at 12:20 PM
    #81
    jobrien

    jobrien shit happens then you die

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    Thats more queer than a 3$ bill

    If I wanted any lip outta ya id go up your skirt and grab it

    Thats more queer than cum on a mustache

    Im gonna shit on your dick

    Do you want the spit on my dick or your asshole

    Your mom goes to college
     
  2. Feb 12, 2015 at 9:01 PM
    #82
    Hardscrabble

    Hardscrabble Well-Known Member

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    A little of this and a little of that.
    My great aunt used to say "I'd die the death of a rag-doll" when there was an embarassing situation, or something didn't work out as planned.

    When being picked on in good nature, my Dad & uncles always say they are "sqeezing your shoes".
     
  3. Feb 13, 2015 at 3:59 AM
    #83
    markc6606

    markc6606 Well-Known Member

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    Old man Bill at work always had a smile on his face. I'd ask him in the morning how he was doing.."Fine,fine as frog's hair". Made me laugh every time.

    Foghorn Leghorn classic..."Boy your bout as sharp as a bowlin ball"
     
  4. Feb 13, 2015 at 4:29 AM
    #84
    Marine.Doc

    Marine.Doc Well-Known Member

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    I've turned down more sex than you'll ever be offered

    I've forgotten more than you will ever learn
     
  5. Feb 13, 2015 at 4:32 AM
    #85
    rbeezy

    rbeezy Well-Known Member

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    Closed mouths don't get fed, closed zippers don't get head
     
  6. Feb 13, 2015 at 4:38 AM
    #86
    bighoss454

    bighoss454 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck

    Old man staring at a smoking hot girl down here in San Diego looks at me and says, " I crawl a mile through a field of broken glass just to kiss the tip of the dick of the last guy she was with"

    Drunker than a Paiute indian singing in a rain barrel

    Put want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first

    Its soo cold I just saw a brass monkey looking for a welder
     
  7. Feb 13, 2015 at 5:49 AM
    #87
    10ptXtreme

    10ptXtreme Well-Known Member

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    My dad's old neighbor, and elderly lady from Tennessee use to say this when you ticked her off.

    Why don't you go Sh!t in your hat and go pull it over your head because you look good in brown.

    David
     
  8. Feb 13, 2015 at 5:50 AM
    #88
    10ptXtreme

    10ptXtreme Well-Known Member

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    One of my wife's sayings:

    You are moving slower than molasses moving uphill in the winter time.

    David
     
  9. Feb 13, 2015 at 5:53 AM
    #89
    RCOTaco

    RCOTaco Long Time Lurker

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    When something is really difficult my brother says: "This would make a preacher cuss."

    When you're asked a question and the answer is yes, I hear "Does a cat have climbing gear?"
     
  10. Feb 13, 2015 at 5:57 AM
    #90
    RCOTaco

    RCOTaco Long Time Lurker

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    Oh, and when someone keeps saying a lot of "what ifs" my dad always says "If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass every time he hit the ground."
     
  11. Feb 17, 2015 at 9:42 AM
    #91
    Jeremy421

    Jeremy421 Active Member

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    Hotter than a whore on nickel night
     
  12. Feb 17, 2015 at 9:43 AM
    #92
    Jeremy421

    Jeremy421 Active Member

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    Colder than an Eskimo pussy
     
  13. Feb 17, 2015 at 10:07 AM
    #93
    KenpachiZaraki

    KenpachiZaraki Its Wicked Flow BITCHES!!

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    When trying to come up with ideas,

    "let's throw shit on the wall and see what sticks."
     
  14. Feb 17, 2015 at 4:08 PM
    #94
    KenpachiZaraki

    KenpachiZaraki Its Wicked Flow BITCHES!!

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    If a person is on drugs/crazy etc

    "man, that guy is higher than giraffe pussy."
     
  15. Feb 17, 2015 at 4:11 PM
    #95
    KenpachiZaraki

    KenpachiZaraki Its Wicked Flow BITCHES!!

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    Guy I worked with (who's gay) when you're leaving work or hanging up the phone

    "Alright Mr. ______ , do me favor, keep it tight and keep it clean. "
     
  16. Feb 17, 2015 at 4:14 PM
    #96
    scocar

    scocar hypotenoper

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    Better to keep your mouth shut and appear a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
     
  17. Feb 17, 2015 at 11:43 PM
    #97
    NotRed

    NotRed Well-Known Member

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    When asked how busy you are: "Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!"
     
  18. Feb 18, 2015 at 7:08 AM
    #98
    Jeremy421

    Jeremy421 Active Member

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    I used to work In a paint shop. When qc saw something that needed to be re hit he would say ......man this is dryer than a popcorn fart.
     
  19. Feb 25, 2015 at 5:31 AM
    #99
    mik4stlcards

    mik4stlcards Well-Known Member

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    To any question. Respond

    "Bend over I'll show ya!!!" - Chevy Chase
     
  20. Feb 25, 2015 at 7:16 AM
    #100
    mercurymullet

    mercurymullet Well-Known Member

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    gary
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    Old guy I worked with used to use a RCH as the smallest unit of measure. He would say "just a RCH (red **** hair), the finest of the **** hairs"

    We also used to have a thicker blonde work with us. he would always say "shes built for comfort not for speed satisfaction guaranteed." Normally as she passed by.
     

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