favorite funny sayings/comebacks

Thats more queer than a 3$ bill

If I wanted any lip outta ya id go up your skirt and grab it

Thats more queer than cum on a mustache

Im gonna shit on your dick

Do you want the spit on my dick or your asshole

Your mom goes to college

 

My great aunt used to say "I'd die the death of a rag-doll" when there was an embarassing situation, or something didn't work out as planned.

When being picked on in good nature, my Dad & uncles always say they are "sqeezing your shoes".

 

Old man Bill at work always had a smile on his face. I'd ask him in the morning how he was doing.."Fine,fine as frog's hair". Made me laugh every time.

Foghorn Leghorn classic..."Boy your bout as sharp as a bowlin ball"

 

I've turned down more sex than you'll ever be offered

I've forgotten more than you will ever learn

 

Closed mouths don't get fed, closed zippers don't get head

 

I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck

Old man staring at a smoking hot girl down here in San Diego looks at me and says, " I crawl a mile through a field of broken glass just to kiss the tip of the dick of the last guy she was with"

Drunker than a Paiute indian singing in a rain barrel

Put want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first

Its soo cold I just saw a brass monkey looking for a welder

 

My dad's old neighbor, and elderly lady from Tennessee use to say this when you ticked her off.

Why don't you go Sh!t in your hat and go pull it over your head because you look good in brown.

David

 

One of my wife's sayings:

You are moving slower than molasses moving uphill in the winter time.

David

 

When something is really difficult my brother says: "This would make a preacher cuss."

When you're asked a question and the answer is yes, I hear "Does a cat have climbing gear?"

 

Oh, and when someone keeps saying a lot of "what ifs" my dad always says "If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass every time he hit the ground."

 

Hotter than a whore on nickel night

 

Colder than an Eskimo pussy

 

When trying to come up with ideas,

"let's throw shit on the wall and see what sticks."

 

If a person is on drugs/crazy etc

"man, that guy is higher than giraffe pussy."

 

Guy I worked with (who's gay) when you're leaving work or hanging up the phone

"Alright Mr. ______ , do me favor, keep it tight and keep it clean. "

 

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

 

When asked how busy you are: "Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!"

 

I used to work In a paint shop. When qc saw something that needed to be re hit he would say ......man this is dryer than a popcorn fart.

 

To any question. Respond

"Bend over I'll show ya!!!" - Chevy Chase

 

Old guy I worked with used to use a RCH as the smallest unit of measure. He would say "just a RCH (red **** hair), the finest of the **** hairs"

We also used to have a thicker blonde work with us. he would always say "shes built for comfort not for speed satisfaction guaranteed." Normally as she passed by.