Funny military memes, B.S., and shotgun club!

oh yeah, if your wife or kids keep stealing your beloved tortilla chips:

replace them with some of the habanero ones from wal-mart. it really slows things down

 

Hall, John. Albino kid from west Texas was ours. This kid was so dense no one wanted to be anywhere near him. Always forgot to uncover indoors and was ordered to pop his cover against the entryway every time he came in...

Yup, he would bash his own head against the door frame with the cover still on. I’d like to think that someone just shot him before deployment but I’m quite certain that he got transferred to a different unit.

 

Not too bad, heh.

Oh wait, we can talk bad about the other side in hot wars, right?

 

That was the first one that tried...

 

I had a chief who described folks like that as the reason he wanted to bitch-slap recruiters. With the business end of a 5-ton.

Winch optional.

 

Actual conversation I had on my last day of basic.

Snuffy - “Aircraft Generating Equipment?* Why didn’t I get my preferred job request of electronic warfare maintenance?”

TI - “Because you’re a functional retard who barely made passing scores on his ASVAB and believed his recruiter by coming in ‘open general.’”

We fell out laughing. Snuffy looked like he was going to cry.




*note - to non zoomies, AGE is the job you get when you’re too dumb to attach bombs to planes or walk around with an M-16 doing laps around B-52s. It is solely staffed by “open general” career field selectees, and is likely why USAF recruiters go into witness protection prior to going back into regular career fields.

 

we was too POOR for that...I didnt get any shots/dental work till I joined and they caught me up on vaccines in basic! All I remember is being sick for a couple weeks...

Sounds like he could mess up a bowling ball. When I was an instructor in one of the basic aircraft maintenance classes, Had one fellow was dumb as a bag of hammers. I showed him no less than 6 times where the location of a servicing panel was....after the 6th time showing him and HIM OPENING the panel I said if you forget this panel Im seriously going to smash your head against the panel!!I also told him if he claimed I didnt show him the panel to his supervisors later, I'd write him paperwork. This class was so easy to pass, if you had breath, heartbeat and showed up you passed. This guy was seriously retarded...I can see his face but have forgotten his name...

 

There was some winners in AGE...we had one guy that kept screwing up stuff. Had one where a Hobart generator was hooked up the plane running and this nimrod hooks up to it and takes off....pulls the plug on the aircraft almost messes it up. Next one same guy, I dont know if you guys know what a UMS stand is but basically a big scissor lift stand with outriggers, well this idiot tries to move it and extends one of the outriggers out and puts a nice seam/crease down the side of the bobtail truck also crushing the step bar...we were all just looking at this guy like WTF..!! Last one I remember from this guy was he tries to unhook another Hobart generator but cant figure out why its bucking and pulling...the dimwit went to unhook it when the bobtail was still in drive! And these little bobtail trucks were not speedy but had lots of torque. It was a miracle he didnt crash into a plane or hurt himself.

 

@23Skidoo says hello...

 

I always wanted to be a 9S1 .. had the scores for it. But not the citizenship, heh.

 

Yeah, those units were in “interesting” locations. Sorry.

We’d have happily taken you in 3C0, and you’d have been a citizen by the time those of us made the switch to 1B4.

 

*** Call for Attendance (Bowie, MD) ***

TacomaWorld, COL William P. Holmes III, age 83, passed away on November 18, 2019, in Maryland. He is an Army Veteran who served over 30 years.

His many awards and decorations include the Silver Star, Defense Superior Service Medal, Legion of Merit, Defense Meritorious Service Medal (w/OLC), Bronze Star Medal (w/”V” device and 5 OLCs), Purple Heart, Air Medal (w/6 OLCs), Joint Service Commendation Medal, Army Commendation Medal (w/OLC), Good Conduct Medal, Royal Order of the Crown of Thailand, Vietnam Cross of Gallantry w/ Palm and Gold Star, Combat Infantryman Badge, Expert Infantryman Badge, Airborne Badge, Aircraft Crewman Wings, and the JCS ID Badge. Upon his retirement, he was inducted into the Infantry Hall of Fame at Ft. Benning, GA.

Graveside services will be conducted at the Cornerstone Church, 16010 Annapolis Road, Bowie, MD 20715 on November 26, 2019 at 11:00 am.

 

i only have six molars left

my third molars were removed, but not because they were misaligned or unhealthy. some army dentist just wanted practice and I just took his professional opinion at face value. "he's a captain, he must know what he's doing"

i had a very hard opening in a combat load freefall and I cracked, broke, and split several of my teeth. I looked like a cross between a Russian miner after a bar fight and that baby ruth guy from The Goonies

the upper and lower second molars on one side were badly cracked and during a bad dream they broke while I slept. the dentist was going to remove them the next morning

instead, I accidentally swallowed my broken tooth fragments in my sleep and didn't notice until I tried to brush my teeth. so yeah, at some point that day I shit out my own teeth.

to add insult to injury, I have adverse reactions to the medication they typically prescribe (oxycodone) for post-op pain management.

so, I had to just put up with my face throwing out a constant master alarm while another dentist patched up, cast, and pulled my remaining damaged teeth.

lucky me, now I get to sleep with a custom-fitted mouth guard the rest of my life and since I drink coffee like it's cool my teeth sometimes look like a fucking quilt.
my wife really thinks it's sexy. not really.

my current dentist told me he knew I'd be a fun patient when he found out I brought my own most-current upper and lower dental castings.

shit they don't show in the recruiting commercials.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EypzUduBqiQ

 

I wanna know why the fuck that red shirt is driving a tug on the flight deck.

 

Since we're all vets (or soon to be) here...

[RANT]

I hate Cerner (the company behind the "new" electronic health record linking DoD and VA) and the Defense Health Agency. Y'all are inbred fucking retards with some goat and sheep DNA thrown in there for bad measure. Y'all can't manage a dog taking a shit without stepping it in 5 times and dragging through your house and wondering why the carpet smells bad. It's no wonder this thing doesn't work right - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING. Arguing over policy, responsibility, and pointing fingers over why this monstrosity isn't performing as promised isn't actually getting anything fixed.

SO...shut the fuck up, get all of your mongrel-molesting-management out of the way, and let the people who know how all of this shit ACTUALLY WORKS get everything done. Because when all is said and done you two dipshit avocado-fuckers will blame the VA - while we're sitting here proving that OUR ANTIQUE SHIT STILL WORKS - and then we'll have to send our leadership in front of Congress with the proof that y'all couldn't start a fire with a box of matches and a gas station.

Jesus fuck, 2 hours for what could have been an email. Go to hell, and say hello to your mothers for me.

Asshats.

[/RANT]

 

Don't worry, MediCare for all will fix everything...

 

Damned carrier-isms.