Funny military memes, B.S., and shotgun club!

I used to do a weapons check on my squad once a week when we were in theater. I had this complete F up that was passed around the squads because no one could fix him, he had been with my squad for about four days, I grabbed his AR off the rack and broke it down and found that the firing pin was missing. I had to do a double take because we had been out of the wire for three days. I came to the realization that the firing pin was in fact gone, my first thought was one of my guys had taken it because they did not trust him so I was livid thinking we could have gotten him killed. After talking to him he admitted that he had lost it several weeks ago but did not want to get in trouble so he did not tell anyone. I had extras but went and talked to our SgtMaj and told him we needed to put him somewhere where he did not leave the wire. They moved him to an internal guard post and not long after he screwed that up and he was the guy in charge of cleaning graffiti off the walls of the shitters inside the wire.

 

Armorer is always just a joe pulled from the line. Squad leaders make the first check, platoon sergeants approve them and the LTs weapon to get turned in. First sergeant spot checks. Maybe that’s just how my units were run.

 

We were supposed to do that but we just like to chance em lol. This was mostly for the boots. I took awesome cars of my M16 and I still remember the serial number to this day an I haven’t seen it since 2007

 

Me either haha. Blew my mind how many ended up losing so much stuff. Or kept it from looking like it was dragged through a pile a horse doo doo. Had an LT who never cleaned his IOTV, you would of thought he had just low crawled to the range but it was left over mud from the previous range months prior ha

 

Did you clean your own as a 1SGT? I only had 1 who did, other times the joe's did it

 

We had a marine lose his Kevlar on a hike. How fuck does that happen? Easy he was a dumb boot

 

Our one 1sgt did(he was from the air wing but awesome). Our other 1Sgt(artillery homo) didn’t we hated that asshole.

 

I never understood by all the non infantry guys chose the 1stSgt, SgtMaj route. I got out after eight because I was starting to realize that all the enlisted higher ups were the shitbag PFC & LCpl's I had.

We had a SgtMaj that was from the air wing. He and I butted heads a little until one day my squad was clearing a route up to a school for the battalion to use as a COC. The SgtMaj comes across my internal squad comms and tells me to have my up-armored 7-ton to back away from my vehicle commander who was walking the truck in and being protected by the ECM in the 7-ton. I lost my shit and told my Marines to continue as I had instructed them. After we got the H&S element settled in nice and safe I was talking to my company commander as he inquired to why I was dropping F bombs and SgtMaj every other word. I explained that our POG SgtMaj wanted to play infantry and was going to get us killed. Little did I know he was standing right behind me and when I was done all I heard was "Sgt, a word" he apologised but said if I ever went off like that again I would lose a strip. After that we never had another issue and he turned out to be a good dude. Turns out his concern was that if my vehicle commander stepped on an IED he did not want the truck to take damage. I was like the truck is protecting the Marine dickhead! He did not understand how ECM's worked and that they thought it would be cool to not actually tell us what distance X was for how far they were effective so I figured it at 20m. After explaining that he seemed to get it and turned out to have my back for the next several years.

 

My Gunny told me good marines stay in great marines don’t. And that you’d be doing a disservice to yourself if you re-enlisted. He was right once I seen the marines that stayed in.

 

AMEN! My Gunny's were awesome men and I had some pretty good officers too. If you know what you are doing I think it is easy to get along with your higher ups. Most of my 1stSgt were okay but not great. I did have one company commander in Afghanistan that was a real tool. All we had was Sat Comms in that theater and it was not designed to be mobile in 2003. I had a comm guy that could not get comms because we were in a satellite blackout for about 15 more min and we knew that. Even after we explained to the CO that we needed to wait 15 min to cross LD because we would not have comms he said "look I don't care what it takes, get my comms working". My RO then said no problem sir, I will go grab that space shuttle out of MT and will go lasso that satellite up to where we need it. That was a solid ass chewing for me from the CO but I just laughed and high-fived my RO.

 

Our first butter bar passed away he was awesome, 2nd thought he was Patton got schooled up really quick by our gunny. Our last butter bar was awesome he would do patrols with us and was always willing to help out.

 

I was lucky in that our Lt's got to the battalion a few weeks after our boot dump. We got to do a MEU then all deployed to our first combat deployment in tact so we were a little wiser. I got to do my first three deployments with pretty much the same group, our old platoon commanders became company XO's and it worked well for most of us who had become NCO's and were running squads and so on. We did have this one butter bar show up and was always out looking for "contact". He finally got his wish, it was a pretty small tic and didn't last long but we were in a pretty bad spot. We found him when it was over crouched in the corner of a shit hut shaking. That got back to our XO who moved him to H&S, several years later I was a live fire Coyote in 29 Palms and wouldn't you know it, he walks in as a Capt. He saw me and turned a little green, I smiled, two days later he transferred to the non live fire side of the training group. I never said anything to anyone there about it but I think just seeing me reminded him of what a bitch he was. I never held that shit against anyone though, some people just don't have it in there DNA I guess.

What I held against the guy was always putting the plt in a bad position so he could get his CAR.

 

Yea our 1sgt almost got his ass beat one night on a raid. We had a hard cordon and he let two military age males walk in behind us. I wanted to kill him and I never let him come out with us again. That’s was the artillery 1sgt. I hated him with a passion.

 

We got ambushed in a choke point in the middle of nowhere Afghanistan, just my squad, CO & 1stSgt. We had escorted them to a shura and I knew we were going to get hit on the way out. We were taking contact from the drivers side of our trucks and could not maneuver forward or back quickly so we needed to dismount and assault through it. Of course the MK19 jammed after three rounds. The .50 on my truck was singing pretty good so that we had some cover fire. Long story short my 1stSgt sitting on the passenger side of the only armored truck we had didn't bother to dismount. I was more than a little pissed but he told me it was not his job. He also showed up when we had been in a patrol base for almost a month and proceeded to bitch us out because we had not shaved or had haircuts. Had our sleeves quarter rolled and I was wearing Oakleys. I was living under a poncho in a hole, LOL... To that point we were lucky to have not lost anyone. A couple weeks later my sister squad lost a couple of our brothers that were on a cave clearing op, my squad recovered our fallen and it took us 15 hours to move them out to a bird. I do respect that my 1stSgt, CO, SgtMaj and BN CO all met me at that bird. I still had not shaved, hair was still long and was wearing the same oakleys. My squad was beaten down and the stress of it all was wearing heavy on me. My 1stSgt pulled me aside, told me to take the squad back to the FOB and to get some rest. He never said anything more than that but I could see in his eyes that it all became real to him that day. He never messed with us after that and actually turned a bit of a corner. He also didn't leave the FOB much after that either though.

I had one 1stSgt who loved to storm into my squads berthing area, I was always sitting right by the door wearing a Budweiser hat. He would always take the hat off my head and throw it across the berthing area. Before he was done my hat would find its way back to me and I would put it back on like nothing happened. He would just glare at me and normally the last thing he would say would be "one of these days Devil, I am going to find a way to NJP you". I did give him several opportunities but he never did it. I got into it with a SSgt when I was a Cpl once. I was completely in the wrong in going toe to toe with the SSgt who was the police Sgt by the way but only in my actions. Operationally I was right and the SSgt was wrong. We both went to see the 1stSgt, we both got page 11's. We signed them, were dismissed but my 1stSgt told me to stay for a moment. After the SSgt exited he handed me my page 11 and asked me if I needed directions to the burn pit. That was a cool move but he was a tool for the most part.

 

Prob took it off to poop then got in a hurry to get back and left it there...

 

I was a shoe in for a meritorious promotion once, I mean like it was setup to give me the promotion. My 1stSgt asked me to name the colors on a military map, I forgot red/brown and had already lost my bearing so I just said white. My 1stSgt looked like he wanted to tear my head off. I about faced and walked out. I did not get that promotion. LOL...

 

I had a 1SGT say the same but in soldier terms. And it's 100% true. Though there are a few who do make it a career that a great soldiers. I joined with a plan for when I got out and it fell into place better than what I was hoping for now that I'm a civilian again.

Hard to explain things for officers it seems haha. My 2nd PL I ever had took the time to actually learn things, then again he came from the enlisted side.

We had a West Pointer ma'am that was stuck in the sorority life when she 1st came in. Also always told us NCO's how "us seniors made the new cadets do this, or do this" We're like "ma'am, no one cares what you did in college as a cadet" but said it in "with all due respect terms"

Deployed with CJTF and other TF folks was my highlight, I loved the SOF side of the military, def would have gone that route had I not chose to get out. I don't regret but always wonder "what if". They do some cool shit

 

A different platoon had a Naval academy guy. We was really cool. When he got to captain we called him captain America he embraced it

 

When I was an instructor we had a female Capt who was an engineer. Holy fuck did she have a killer body and thought it would be a sign of leadership to run our PFT's with us. Of course she would wear tight silkies that showed everything so after all of our run times dropped by three minutes she walked into our office and our MSgt(who was awesome) looked at her and said "Ma'am do you realize that you always finish the run first, please stop running in front of these men when it's for time". I don't think she realized that all we did was jockey for who was directly behind her so our PFT was a slow Indian run! But losing those PFT points was sooooo worth it!