Gfs dad is being abusive. I need Help!

this happens alot more than you know about dude, and to kids more than half your gf's age. im not far from you, in fact i think i even sent you an email once to buy your grabbers off ya haha, but the best thing you could do is move her in with you. short of calling the po bro's thats about the best you can do, she also has to want to. It's tough because you really cant get into a relationship and start getting in the middle of family "problems" that have persisted for long before you came along. I know what youre going through, trust me. If i were you, and you were really serious about how much you love your girlfriend then move her in, and dont worry about that mo treating her like that. even moving her in will cause a cluster fuck for you for the first couple of weeks, because if he is as big of an asshole as you are saying, he will do what he can to try to make sure she doesnt move out. before you know it she'll have to buy all new clothes because he wont give her shit back just to be a dink. think about it, she is an income source to him as she works to help pay her family's bills for whatever reason. so like anyone, he will be pissed that you are taking "income" from him. real quick, there is a thing called a "civil standby" in which a police officer can accompany you to the residence to get her stuff back - as a security measure so you and him dont get into a fight, and he doesnt pull any shit with her - although thats not a given as some people DGAF. i think getting her out of there for the weekend is a good start, but she is still going to have to go back to that hamwallet (pussy). I think its probably a good time to have a serious talk with her this weekend, and get her to open up to you as much as shes willing to about EVERYTHING, and you TWO (together) need to come up with a solution. remember, as much as you hate the guy for what he does to her, to her he is still her dad, and the only one she will ever have. so try to be respectful when talking about him with her and your family, last thing you wanna do is make her uncomfortable in a prospective safe place to live. if you need anything let me know, im not too far from ya.

 

Miguel, she has to understand that she does in fact have more power than she actually believes. Granted, I know this hurts her to go through this and she is afraid but she has the choice to let this bother her.

Yep. I said that. It's her CHOICE to let it bother her.

That is what is making her afraid.

She's got to believe in herself enough to know that she is able to walk out of the situation, and go to another friend's house, or to a place where she can have some kind of protection - there are agencies that are designed for abusiveness and they can find a place for her to stay for a few night. Not necessarily to stay there for any extended amount of time but at least to get the information to help her get away from him and to get the basic tools to start an independent life. They will show her exactly what she needs and help her boost her confidence enough to get started.

But she's got to try to let his words go right past her and not sit there and absorb them all in. She's got to believe that they are just words, words of a desperate man who is fighting to make her do what he wants. A man who is using FEAR to keep an iron fist on her. That is his way of controlling her.

She doesn't have to listen to him tear her down. She can walk out that door. The first step will be hard but she's really got to do it.

A good time to search for help is during her weekend stay with your family.

Do it. Use that precious time away from the ugliness to be productive, not just take her out to get her mind off of things and make her happy for a day. Take her to make a difference in her life.

 

Not to doubt your girlfriend's integrity, but is some of the drama self-generated / made up? The reason I throw that out there is because I dated a girl that was 5 years younger than me when I was in my early/mid 20's. I always thought that her dad was hard on her for no good reason (never abusive, though). Well, fast-forward four years and an engagement, and it turns out she's a bizzo who was literally sleeping with a different dude each week (most of our relationship was long distance, so I wasn't physically there for much of it). So, her dad knew what was up and was just trying to keep her on a short leash and from going absolutely nuts. That whole time she was feeding me inflated drama in order to get me in her corner so I'd believe her side of everything - including the eventual whore "rumors." Could this be a possibility in your case (not the whore part, but feeding you inflated domestic drama stories so you'll swoop in and be her free ticket out of there)?

By the way, I never got the $5,000 ring back.

 

You nailed it sweetie !!! Bravo ! didn't even need to read the rest of responses...

 

OK, just an observation here without the benefit of the father's side of anything but this post sounds like the dude could have a drinking or drug or medical/physical/pschyological problem that is interfering with his ability to make a living or lost his job and now the other way around. Something is crippling his self esteem to be acting this way and everything he cannot do or is not providing for his family is making him act in such a manner. What your gf is doing or has to do to make ends meet and their household afloat and keep them off the street is making him despise her and their predicament. The most productive thing I could see happen is for you to get a place with her of y'alls own to remove her from the situation. It will force her dad to take responsibility for himself or file for welfare/social security if he cannot work. Your parents may be willing to help you help her especially if it doesn't mean both of you moving in there and your gf can continue to help her family monetarily from y'alls place if she chooses. If you both already have jobs then should be no-brainer and as has been stated, she's an adult and there is nothing but her conscience keeping her there. It would also be 1 less person for her father to feel pressure to provide for if this is handled in a productive manner provided he is even in touch with reasonable and what is best for everyone and cares about her state of mind at all. Hope this helps and hoping for a compromise that works for you all. Oh, and my first statement wasn't taking her dad's side or making excuse for him and certainly not defending his actions.

 

Life is all about priorities. If the Taco is preventing you from moving out of your folks pad, you need to rethink your priorities. Sounds like you need to sell the Taco. You can always get another Taco when you can better afford it. Maybe you could sell your '10 Taco and buy a more used one, which may be able to give you some cash to move out. Rule of thumb: keep your monthly payments as low as you can so you can afford rent. Got to be independent if you want any girl to want you.

 

Thank you dude so much. That means a lot helping me. I do get what your saying. I could go on and on about him and stuff but I'm not gonna waste my time on that ass. I am gonna have a talk with her this weekend. Maybe she can open up to me more and tell me other things that are happening. I do really love her. First time I really said love to a girl and I mean it with all my heart. I'm gonma do what ever it takes to help her. If only I had then money for an apartment. That would make things better for the both of us. I will try and be calm about it and see what happens. I get that you guys want we to grow up but when your that poor and have no money, it's really hard.

 

This ^^.

If you can't afford the truck AND rent, then maybe you bought too much truck...

I wasn't able to afford a Tacoma until just about a year or so ago... and I'm 27. Perhaps a truck isn't the right thing for you now - focus on what you need, not what you want.

Good luck.

 

Best advice yet.

Don't go over there and start a confrontation, there is no good that can come out of it. Call the police and have them go with you to get her stuff.

There is a women's shelter program where I live. If you can't move her in with you, I would look into that. The police should be able to tell you who to call. The nice thing about the women's shelter is that it's hidden, their locations are very well guarded, and there is help available for the women to start the process of becoming independent, if they don't have their own income, etc. I have gone into one to do a service call before (appliance repair guy) and I got totally balled out because we had the address printed on the invoice. They will keep her safe.

 

I agree with this. Let the N.E. guys know if you need a convoy of Tacomas for moving or security

 

I've never punched a man in the asshole...but it sounds effective.

 

there ya go, then we could take pics of us all and throw it up in the bro thread

 

Got you beat. I was on my own when I was still in high school.
Yes, I graduated then off to the army the next day.

 

I'd be down for some moving security nothing like 5-10 tacoma filled with guys rolling down the street...could clear her stuff out of the house in less then an hour i bet

 

1. Don't make a thread.
2. Go beat HIM so hard(with a buddy). Like with a baton or bat. But cover your face up and dont say a word.
3. Don't tell her it was you.

She should gtfo before he does something.

 

Sounds like a challenge! I've got a shell so I can carry the loosely packed shit

 

Fold up tonneau here we got this!!

 

Good luck OP. I'm not going to throw in my 2 cents because you probably don't want to here it.

Don't fight him, he'll probably whoop your ass, he sounds like the type. And if you think it's going anywhere with this girl you're never going to avoid the family so don't start out that way.

 

so much for being serious

OP,

just holler, Spoonman will assemble the Avengers