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Great emails/Funny emails

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Mondwa, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. Mar 15, 2010 at 10:07 AM
    #1
    Mondwa

    Mondwa [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Member:
    #28028
    Messages:
    1,365
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Michael
    Phoenix, AZ
    Vehicle:
    08 V6 Tacoma
    remote start, Allpro bumper, Slimchubby HID, MetalMiller custom Emblem
    THE PATRIOTIC MICRO CHIP


    is intended to be implanted in


    terrorists.





    The implant is specifically


    designed to be injected


    in the forehead.



    When properly installed, it will



    allow the one implanted, to speak


    to God.



    It comes in various sizes:

    [​IMG]

    The exact size of the implant will



    be selected by a well-trained and


    highly skilled technician, who will


    also make the injection. No


    anesthetic is required.






    The implant may or may not be



    painless. Side effects, like


    headaches and nausea, aches,


    and pains are extremely temporary.



    Some bleeding or swelling may



    occur at the injection site. In


    most cases, you won't even


    notice it.



    Please enjoy the security we



    provide for you.



    Best regards,

    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]











    ALLOWING TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD.......






    IS THE AMERICAN WAY ! ! !


     
  2. Mar 15, 2010 at 2:58 PM
    #2
    thecoldone06

    thecoldone06 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2007
    Member:
    #2750
    Messages:
    241
    Gender:
    Male
    It's Hell to be Old


    OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!


    An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.


    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'


    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.


    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.


    'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.


    'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.'


    The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'


    The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
     
  3. Mar 15, 2010 at 7:56 PM
    #3
    mntbiker2008

    mntbiker2008 First I derp.. then I herp

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2008
    Member:
    #11718
    Messages:
    8,172
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Aaron
    Cincinnati, OH
    Vehicle:
    93 Pick up 4x4 (sold), 10' Mazda 3
    ^^^:rofl:

    kinda long but its worth it

    At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
    gentleman and an elderly lady
    struck up a conversation and discovered that
    they both loved to fish.

    Since both of them were widowed,
    they decided to go fishing together the next day.!

    The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
    headed to the river to his fishing boat and
    started out on their adventure.

    They were riding down the river when there was a
    fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

    'Do you want to go up or down?'

    All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
    and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
    right there in the boat !

    When they finished, the man couldn't believe
    what had just happened, but he had just experienced
    the best sex that he'd had in years.

    They fished for a while and continued on down the
    river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
    river.

    He again asked the lady, 'Up or down ?'

    There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
    and made wild passionate love to him again.

    This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
    he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

    She said yes and there they were the next day,
    riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
    river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'

    The woman replied, 'Down.'

    A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
    guided the boat down the river when he came upon
    another fork in the river and he asked the
    lady,'Up or down ?'

    She replied, 'Up.'

    This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

    'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
    you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
    passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'

    She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
    my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
    fuck or drown.
     
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