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History lesson.......

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by chris4x4, Nov 20, 2008.

  1. Nov 20, 2008 at 4:56 PM
    #1
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version:

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were:
    1. The invention of beer, and
    2.The invention of the wheel.
    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

    These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.



    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big- game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history.

    It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

    A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off.
     
  2. Nov 20, 2008 at 5:00 PM
    #2
    dually

    dually Low and slow

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    Interstate underpass
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    Not as many as the 98..
    haha, ive seen that one before
     
  3. Nov 20, 2008 at 5:02 PM
    #3
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

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    Equador. Don't know why.
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    RIP Lucy.
    She's gone but not forgotten.
  4. Nov 20, 2008 at 5:30 PM
    #4
    rhoppas

    rhoppas Land of Oz

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    Yes, I think that pretty much sums it up... :D
     
  5. Nov 20, 2008 at 5:36 PM
    #5
    pittim

    pittim Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

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    Yes.


    +Rep
     
  6. Nov 20, 2008 at 5:55 PM
    #6
    kmrofka

    kmrofka Im so hungry i can ride a horse...

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    ha i love it
     
  7. Nov 20, 2008 at 8:08 PM
    #7
    LonghornTaco

    LonghornTaco Can you pass the bailout please?

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    Awesome lesson! Now, let's get that version taught in schools... :)
     
  8. Nov 20, 2008 at 8:25 PM
    #8
    trick61

    trick61 Well-Known Member

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    thats great
     
  9. Nov 20, 2008 at 9:00 PM
    #9
    Killer Red Taco

    Killer Red Taco NorCal Rock Whore

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    Damn, thank you professor chris!!
     
  10. Nov 20, 2008 at 9:46 PM
    #10
    alexamado

    alexamado TEXMEX TACO

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    Well maybe after these next 4 years are up, we'll have a chance to. :D
     
  11. Nov 21, 2008 at 4:45 AM
    #11
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Thor

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    Cant take credit for it. I got it in an E-mail. :) Thanks, though. :D
     
  12. Nov 21, 2008 at 6:37 AM
    #12
    spaghettiedy

    spaghettiedy Well-Known Member

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    Yep, def sums it up...
     
  13. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:32 PM
    #13
    Clearwater Bill

    Clearwater Bill Scandanavian delights

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    So are you just wandering around the forum posting 'bump' everywhere (many today) just to up your post count or what?

    And now you're having to drag up 6 year old stuff?

    I mean is there like a prize waiting out there or something?
     
  14. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:37 PM
    #14
    Fernando

    Fernando Mud Slinger

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    Too many, See Build
    LMAO.. I approve :p

    Well played sir
     
  15. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:43 PM
    #15
    Silver02Taco

    Silver02Taco Feet in the water...

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    That's pretty funny... I enjoyed it! :thumbsup:
     
  16. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:45 PM
    #16
    scocar

    scocar Not one of the 10,000 Baja Edition Elite Guard

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  17. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:46 PM
    #17
    scocar

    scocar Not one of the 10,000 Baja Edition Elite Guard

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    6-year-olds are attracted to things that are 6 years old.
     
  18. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:48 PM
    #18
    scocar

    scocar Not one of the 10,000 Baja Edition Elite Guard

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    Negative, please advise.
     
  19. Feb 13, 2015 at 1:49 PM
    #19
    tinker_troy

    tinker_troy I feel so Devo

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    damit
    the one time you are paying attention and I delete it to go somewhere else
    switching to CB channel 40+
     
  20. Feb 13, 2015 at 2:32 PM
    #20
    RearViewMirror

    RearViewMirror Saw things so much clearer once you... were in my

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    I'm independent. A certain part of my anatomy leans to the left though ;)
     
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