1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

HOW TO POOP AT WORK!!!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by SilverTacoEater, Sep 16, 2011.

  1. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:47 PM
    #1
    SilverTacoEater

    SilverTacoEater [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Member:
    #56914
    Messages:
    459
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chris
    Pasadena, MD
    Vehicle:
    11 Tacoma SR5 4X4
    Stock
    HOW TO POOP AT WORK

    We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable.
    For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

    CROP DUSTING:

    When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

    FLY BY:

    This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

    ESCAPEE:

    This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK:

    When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH:

    The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

    WALK OF SHAME:

    Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:

    This is a colleague who poops at work and is darn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):

    A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVENS:

    A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR:

    This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH:

    A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
    The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

    ASTAIRE:

    An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

    WATERMELON:

    A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
    If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANA OMELET:

    A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

    UNCLE TODD:

    An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

    [EDIT] THE LUMBERJACK:

    When you drop an extremely long turd and it either stands upright, or after releasing, falls over like a tree in the woods. Caution must be given when a potential lumberjack is dropped because if it decides to fall forward the boys might get in the way making for an uncomfortable day if not properly wiped.

    :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
     
  2. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:49 PM
    #2
    Tigahshark

    Tigahshark Senior NEWBIE

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2011
    Member:
    #61688
    Messages:
    8,255
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Isaac
    On a volcano, literally!
    Vehicle:
    2011 DC TRD off road 4X4
    Tint Weathertech floor liner, weathertech window visor Roll n lock tonneau cover Rubber bed mat Smoked license plate covers
    :D this is killin me :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  3. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:52 PM
    #3
    ILove2Drive

    ILove2Drive Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2008
    Member:
    #4993
    Messages:
    771
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Casey
    WV
    Vehicle:
    07 Tacoma 4X4 5 Speed Manual
    Halo headlights, Black tail light covers, dual exhaust, 5100s front and rear, eibach coils, wheelers 1.5 AAL, window tint, bow arrow antenna, bull bar, painted grille emblem, debadged, raceline rims, a few decals, CB radio, alpine HU, husky floor liners, tool box, mesh grill...and more to come eventually
    Hahahahaha, I LOLed all the way through this! +1 for you my friend
     
  4. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:53 PM
    #4
    rondog

    rondog your TW web developer!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2010
    Member:
    #45618
    Messages:
    2,201
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ronnie
    Escondido/San Diego
    hahaha so much of this is true
     
  5. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:55 PM
    #5
    Shiftytaco

    Shiftytaco Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Member:
    #46914
    Messages:
    114
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Joey
    Mesa, Arizona
    Vehicle:
    Work in Progress
    This is great!:rofl:
     
  6. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:55 PM
    #6
    horwitzs

    horwitzs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Member:
    #57097
    Messages:
    680
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Seth
    Dayton, WA
    Vehicle:
    TX Pro
    Supercharger, OME lift w/ LR UCAs, running boards, toolbox, extinguisher mount, skidplate, N-Fab light bar, 40" R.I. LED bar, WO seat covers, TRD intake, Weathertech mats and visors, stubby antenna, hood struts, LED interior lighting, Hella Supertones, and other stuff I'm forgetting.
    Wasn't this one re-named "The Larry Craig"?
    Or is that only if you are in the airport bathroom...
     
  7. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:55 PM
    #7
    SilverTacoEater

    SilverTacoEater [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Member:
    #56914
    Messages:
    459
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chris
    Pasadena, MD
    Vehicle:
    11 Tacoma SR5 4X4
    Stock
    Thanks :thumbsup:
     
  8. Sep 16, 2011 at 2:57 PM
    #8
    SilverTacoEater

    SilverTacoEater [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Member:
    #56914
    Messages:
    459
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chris
    Pasadena, MD
    Vehicle:
    11 Tacoma SR5 4X4
    Stock
    :laughing:
     
  9. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:02 PM
    #9
    ILLINOISTACOMAGUY

    ILLINOISTACOMAGUY Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2011
    Member:
    #59091
    Messages:
    178
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Darryl
    ILLINOIS
    Vehicle:
    2005 SR5 SPORT
    WeatherTech Digital floor mats front and rear. Ventvisors, Hood protector, Towing package, Bed tiedowns, Wheel to Wheel steps,
    Smiles all around...extremely funny !!!!!!!!
     
  10. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:28 PM
    #10
    macgyver

    macgyver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2009
    Member:
    #21173
    Messages:
    3,590
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Brad
    Canton, GA
    Vehicle:
    '13 Tundra double cab SR5 4x4
    Funny stuff! However, I don't give a f**k, I poop at work all the time regardless of who's in there. I'm not a shy pooper, when I've gotta poop, I'm gonna take a poop.

    I have a buddy who is scared shitless of pooping in public and/or work and will only poop at home. It cracks me up and I always give him a hard time about it.

    We have a guy in our office we call "Barry White". He's this big black guy with a really deep voice and he's always in our floor/wing bathroom even though he doesn't even work on our floor. He will spend 30+ minutes in there and he's ALWAYS talking on the phone to someone. Sometimes I will come in the bathroom and the lights are off (lights on a timer to turn off at 20 minutes) and he's in the back stall on the toilet yapping away on his phone.
     
  11. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:31 PM
    #11
    Konaborne

    Konaborne Pineapples on pizza Hawaiian does not it make.

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2010
    Member:
    #46536
    Messages:
    31,748
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Cody
    Kealakekua, Hawaii
    Vehicle:
    Lifted 00 TRD Off-Road
    fox extended travel remote resivoir coilovers, 14" eibach 600lb coils, All Pro tubular chromoly 1" uniball upper control arms, All Pro expedition leaf packs, 10" bilstein 5150 piggyback reservoir shocks 265/75r16 Goodyear wrangler MT/R kevlars wrapped around 16" Helo 791 gloss black, Mini H1 retrofits with 6000k bulbs, 18" magnaflow w/custom exhaust reroute various decals, Sockmonkey retro hood stripes
    some greenies for you OP
    That shit brought the chuckles
     
  12. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:32 PM
    #12
    horwitzs

    horwitzs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Member:
    #57097
    Messages:
    680
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Seth
    Dayton, WA
    Vehicle:
    TX Pro
    Supercharger, OME lift w/ LR UCAs, running boards, toolbox, extinguisher mount, skidplate, N-Fab light bar, 40" R.I. LED bar, WO seat covers, TRD intake, Weathertech mats and visors, stubby antenna, hood struts, LED interior lighting, Hella Supertones, and other stuff I'm forgetting.
    We are stuck with portable toilets outside here, so we have all the privacy we need.
    Only problem is people hitting it with rocks to scare you to death mid-pinch. And the cold. And the black widow spiders. And sometimes no TP. And not being able to wash afterward.
     
  13. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:37 PM
    #13
    SilverTacoEater

    SilverTacoEater [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Member:
    #56914
    Messages:
    459
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chris
    Pasadena, MD
    Vehicle:
    11 Tacoma SR5 4X4
    Stock
    Im just trying to help. :D
     
  14. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:39 PM
    #14
    Cr250jumper

    Cr250jumper Señor member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2010
    Member:
    #47033
    Messages:
    10,643
    Gender:
    Male
    The moon
    Vehicle:
    50 shades of tan©
    Tacoma with some stuff melted to it
    Haha I have used many of these
     
  15. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:40 PM
    #15
    Cr250jumper

    Cr250jumper Señor member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2010
    Member:
    #47033
    Messages:
    10,643
    Gender:
    Male
    The moon
    Vehicle:
    50 shades of tan©
    Tacoma with some stuff melted to it
    I used to work construction. Cold air coming up from the porta-potty is no joke
     
  16. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:45 PM
    #16
    Ivan

    Ivan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2011
    Member:
    #62750
    Messages:
    555
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ivan
    Western Mass
    Vehicle:
    06 Tacoma, 4x4 + SR5
    this is awesome
     
  17. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:45 PM
    #17
    horwitzs

    horwitzs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Member:
    #57097
    Messages:
    680
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Seth
    Dayton, WA
    Vehicle:
    TX Pro
    Supercharger, OME lift w/ LR UCAs, running boards, toolbox, extinguisher mount, skidplate, N-Fab light bar, 40" R.I. LED bar, WO seat covers, TRD intake, Weathertech mats and visors, stubby antenna, hood struts, LED interior lighting, Hella Supertones, and other stuff I'm forgetting.
    It's kind of nice in the summer when breeze cools the sweat in your crack.:eek:
     
  18. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:49 PM
    #18
    precoma

    precoma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2011
    Member:
    #58730
    Messages:
    5,408
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Corey
    Lake Arrowhead, CA
    Vehicle:
    2009 4x4 trd sport
    Total chaos UCA's, icon coils, deaver leaf pack with icon resi's
    You must be a out of the closet pooper lol
     
  19. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:53 PM
    #19
    SilverTacoEater

    SilverTacoEater [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Member:
    #56914
    Messages:
    459
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chris
    Pasadena, MD
    Vehicle:
    11 Tacoma SR5 4X4
    Stock
    X2 :D
     
  20. Sep 16, 2011 at 3:55 PM
    #20
    jtav2002

    jtav2002 Kenny Fuckin Powers

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2009
    Member:
    #19074
    Messages:
    4,483
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Josh
    Reading, PA
    Vehicle:
    2013 Tundra DBL Cab TRD OR
    People seem to not mind the Escapee while I'm at work. Everytime I'm taking a poop at work it seems someone lets one loose while taking a piss.
     
To Top