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I need some girl help

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by tvbd56, Jun 22, 2010.

  1. Jun 22, 2010 at 10:32 PM
    #1
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    Well I have been hanging out with this girl Caitlin for a couple weeks. I really like her and I took her ice skating and she started talking to me about her parents.
    She told me that she has never met her father and knows nothing about him. She has been going to consuling for a while and today she was suppousted to find out about her father from her mother.
    apparently her mother "forgot" about Caitlin's father. I told her I'm sorry about it and I wish there was something I could do. She told me there is nothing to do.
    But I really want to do something to make her feel better, I'm just wondering what you guys think.
    By the way she is a very self-independent person, she hates it when I pay for things for her, while I still do, she still doesn't like that feeling of having someone else paying for her and she has told me that.

    thanks for the help
     
  2. Jun 22, 2010 at 10:53 PM
    #2
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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  3. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:08 PM
    #3
    005Tacoma

    005Tacoma Well-Known Member

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    You can Google him. If she can get his SSN she might be able to get the Social Security Office to see if he is still alive or if he has passed.
     
  4. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:11 PM
    #4
    tbturner47

    tbturner47 Well-Known Member

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    Its a tough situation to be in. You wanna help her because you feel sorry for her but she says she doesn't want help. My advice... try to take her mind of some things by just keep hanging out with her, I wouldn't try to get too involved with the whole dad thing just yet since you haven't been dating for a while (or at all). Just keep her busy by taking her out and stuff and have a good time.

    If she wants to pay for something, let her. Pretend to argue for a sec about paying for it but give in every once in a while. Once you two get more involved then you could slowly move in about the dad situation but right now I would lay off it.

    just my .02
     
  5. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:13 PM
    #5
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    that's the problem though her mother won't tell her ANYTHING about her father, i think it was a one night stand thing, but her mother has been very secerative about it
     
  6. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:14 PM
    #6
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    that's kinda what i had in the back of my head
     
  7. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:21 PM
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    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    thanks guys, i think i'm just going to back off the father subject with her
     
  8. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:23 PM
    #8
    005Tacoma

    005Tacoma Well-Known Member

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    Sorta the issue with me as well. I never knew my real dad. I've seen pics of him with me and my older sister when we were about 2yrs old. I did the calling the social security people and they confirmed a death certif on him. Its not just my mom its my whole family. Its like they just ignore the question. They wont tell me anything about him. Other than he got remarried and had 2 kids and named them mine and my sisters names. My stepfather is only real dad I've known since age 7. I still have tons of questions but they aint talkin.
     
  9. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:24 PM
    #9
    ToucanV13

    ToucanV13 You think I was rollin out here naked?

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    Best idea, Tb had some good points too. Another thing you have to consider, albeit she may want some closure, is maybe dude is just that big of a POS. Just be there for her when she needs it and be that rock, she'll see that big time later on. GL.
     
  10. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:36 PM
    #10
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    i think what got it started was i was talking about how i never met my father until i was about 10 years old because he was in jail and he got his shit together and moved to livermore(where i live) just so he could live with me.

    what i think is amazing is she told me that i was the first person she talked to about her father(other than her mother)
     
  11. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:51 PM
    #11
    MurphyZ

    MurphyZ Well-Known Member

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    I HATE SPICYTACOS
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    just remind her of the people in her life that want to be around her. i vote for spending time with her. i never knew my dad, just told he worshiped the devil. so i know how it feels. my wife has to deal with me sometimes thinking of the what ifs...

    be by her side and just listen she will appreciate that
     
  12. Jun 22, 2010 at 11:59 PM
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    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    ya, i'm deffenitley going to back off, i think the worst part is that she has a lot of shit going on in her life, her older brother is moving out, she has a job, after the "forgetting" incident she said she is not talking to her mom right now, ect....
     
  13. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:03 AM
    #13
    005Tacoma

    005Tacoma Well-Known Member

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    Family issues suck :( Seems we all have them tho. Stand by her side and be there when she needs you brother.
     
  14. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:06 AM
    #14
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    ooh and another thing i forgot to say was that i was paying for her cause she said that she is saving up to buy a car, i let her pay a few times, but i pay most of the time
     
  15. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:10 AM
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    005Tacoma

    005Tacoma Well-Known Member

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    I try the whole pay thing but its no good when the wife and I have the same bank account LOL. Makes me look good when I pay tho :D
     
  16. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:13 AM
    #16
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    ya that's what i try to do, but she gets mad at me:eek:
     
  17. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:14 AM
    #17
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    ya i need to ask her out
     
  18. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:20 AM
    #18
    tbturner47

    tbturner47 Well-Known Member

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    x2. Thats why i said lay off the dad thing. Getting too involved this early could screw you over in the long run. Once your in the friend zone there is no coming out. Dont be a douche tho, if she brings it up thats fine, but don't make it the center of every convo.
     
  19. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:26 AM
    #19
    tvbd56

    tvbd56 [OP] Epic Member

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    no, i would never be a douche to her, but ya she is texting me right now and she hasn't said one word about it, i think she is trying to let it go for now
     
  20. Jun 23, 2010 at 12:39 AM
    #20
    RPain

    RPain Well-Known Member

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    don't listen to cmack.. don't talk to her about it.. like you said she's self-independent and doesn't like it when other ppl do stuff for her. So don't try to help her find her dad or any of that stuff. You'll soon learn that avoiding subjects that make a girl sad or upset is the key to a good relationship. Don't even bring it up just take her somewhere that will make her smile and happy.
     
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