JDMCQ's Garage

Otherwise we're all screwed hahaha

 

Thanks. You are too kind.

There is the Phoenix Bomb Squad story? It involved "Beerkins" a Chris4x4 creation I believe, and dry ice bombs.. but perhaps the statute of limitations has not run out on that one, hmmm?

 

What are "Beerkins"?

They are the best art/craft project for early fall. Easy to do for anyone.

Just sit around and drink some beer with friends. Tip: put your beer in a cooler of dry ice (left over from a day of delivering blood to hospitals) it will stay freakishly cold this way - even bad beer like we drank tastes tolerable this way.

So, what do you do with all those empty cans? That's right, make "Beerkins!"

Step 1) Take a can opener and cut off the top of the can, either all the way off or leave a bit uncut to reseat the top..

Step 2) Take an exacto knife and cut a nice "halloween pumpkin" onto the can. Come on, you can make a scary face. Just be careful, remember - the more "Beerkins" you make the greater your inebriation, and the chances of cutting off your fingers.

Step 3) Place a "tea candle" in the base of the can. Light it, and display it proudly.

We liked to get a lineup of dozens of these attractive "Beerkins" arranged around our apartment porch. To share the fun and joy of Haloween and impending fall with our beloved neighbors.

Believe me, you won't see this on Martha Stewart, or in Sunset magazine. It's perfect for campsites too. Imagine the warming glow of "Beerkins" illuminating your next camping adventure.

 

Whoever brought that up is a jerk. Really. You know that I still can not eat mayonnaise at all to this day. Not even "Miracle whip". It's a real travesty.

Who, I ask you, upon finding a jar of bad mayonnaise in the fridge - you know it has turned grey and smells funny. Put's it on the kitchen counter? Not in the trash, on the counter.

So, there roommate (me) gets up in the middle of the night, as I often do, to make a bite to eat. Being poor a favorite of mine were these little frozen fish patties you just heated up in the toaster oven (or microwave). I got some out and heated them up, while I waited I got some bread to make fish sandwiches, and there was the mayonnaise. Did I get that out? Hmmm, must have.

Hours later..

I wake up really messed up. I'm shaking and can't even walk. I keep falling over and vomiting. It was bad. So, I make it out the front door of our apartment and am headed down the steps, fell to my knees and vomited again. Our apartment manager was walking by. Now, she had certainly seen me do this before, but that was late at night and I smelled like Vodka. This was different. This was life threatening.

Chris4x4 my beloved roommate tok me to the hospital emergency room. And my parents even came (I think it was the only time they ever drove all the way to Phoenix, an hour plus drive for them, to see me in my many years living there.

Hours go by and I'm in the room all hooked up to an IV drip and Chris4x4 is drawing funny faces on rubber gloves and inflating them like balloons in an effort to raise my spirits (which is one of Chris4x4's many virtues, he is incredibly and contagiously funny). My parents ask, "who's hungry, we'd like to take you out to eat". Chris4x4 is prompt to reply, "starving, lets eat". So, my parents say, " Well mountainwolfpup we'll be back later to check in on you". You should have seen the look on Chris4x4s face when he realized I wasn't going out to eat and it was going to be just him with my parents. He looked so freaked out!

To this day I wonder two things...

One, why was the mayonnaise left out

and

Two, why would you think someone who had almost died from food poisoning and was on an IV in a hospital ER would be going out for a bite to eat?

Oh, but come on. You all join in. I know you have stories too. Let's hear the best you've got.

 

Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck