1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Joint Custody

Discussion in 'Prayers & Support' started by kris77, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. Mar 20, 2009 at 5:48 AM
    #1
    kris77

    kris77 [OP] Born in the Backwoods

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6480
    Messages:
    1,193
    Gender:
    Male
    West Virginia
    Vehicle:
    08 DC TRD Sport Speedway Blue
    In channel Vent Visors, AVS Bug Shield, Hankook Dynapro RF10 265/70/17
    Hey guys...

    My kid is 2 months old and his mom has completely lost it...I mean she's freakin crazy anymore...We talking about splitting up...But then the joint custody thing comes into play...

    any of you guys in that situation and how did you cope with it? I cant imagine not being able to see my boy whenever I want...And the way courts are anymore, I'm gonna get shafted on the custody stuff...

    Just need some advice from someone who has been there...
     
  2. Mar 20, 2009 at 6:15 AM
    #2
    KMN-BLU

    KMN-BLU less work/more play

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Member:
    #12021
    Messages:
    1,063
    Gender:
    Male
    Destin, Fl
    Vehicle:
    2016 Limited DCSB 4x4 Blazing Blue
    Unless you are a psycho they cannot deny you visitation right to your kid. If she is "really" crazy acting and you can prove certain behaviors you can get primary custody.

    I have been in this situation for the last 14 years. It sux major bigtime. She has poisoned my sons thoughts, impressions, and ideals of who I am as a father and my son chooses not to spend time with me as a result.

    When the world goes to hell here real soon and people are pillaging others,, She is on top of my lists to exterminate. j/k

    Good luck with your situation and PM me if you want to vent or discuss.
     
  3. Mar 20, 2009 at 6:19 AM
    #3
    JM76

    JM76 Ride On

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Member:
    #3695
    Messages:
    2,032
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Jon
    SC
    Vehicle:
    06 silver double cab 4x4
    seconday air filter removal, tw sticker afe pro dry s filter , black rims , cb radio with four foot firestik antenna,black nasta nerf bars,5100's in the rear,mp3 player hookup,led overhead light,5100's up front @ 1.75, rear AAL,custom dent package,blacked out rear bumper, blacking out front grille,camo gt seat covers , 6k HIDs, 6k fogs coming, devil horns grille mod,elite offroad aluminum bumper,Canadoshi grille mod.light bar behind the grille with bright lights coming sooner or later
    hey kris,

    hang in there brother, I have not been through it, but if things are heading that way, get out while the kid is young enough and no more damage is done. Good luck.
     
  4. Mar 20, 2009 at 6:23 AM
    #4
    senor taco

    senor taco ROLLIN ON RUST

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2009
    Member:
    #12330
    Messages:
    2,335
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Steve
    Monterey Bay, Ca
    Vehicle:
    O7 Tacoma PreRunner SR5
    17in fj cruiser wheels satoshi grille with devil horns emblem Single in double out 50 series flowmaster with stainless tips Kenwod ddx512 double din touch screen DVD reciver with a single Rockford fosgate 12 in sub with an alpine amp tinted tail and third break light silverstar head and fog lights k&n drop in Billy 5100's on all 4 corners with a 2"AAL
    well me and my ex split up abuot a year 1/2 ago and my boys stay with me 75% of the time. We started off with the 50-50 thing but she works now.Just save all your recipts ect. So she dosent screw u over and try to get child support.not once I've been to court so I don't have advice in that area. Keep ur head up man
     
  5. Mar 20, 2009 at 6:37 AM
    #5
    kristopherl

    kristopherl AKA: Jake the Wolf

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Member:
    #2669
    Messages:
    1,789
    Gender:
    Male
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    Vehicle:
    08 Tacoma DC 4x4 Sport LB. Foglight
    Cup holder LEDs, Black Max Tonau, BHL Mod, N-Fab side steps
    Good luck Kris. I hope things work out for you. Just make sure (I know you will) be the best friend you can to your son so that if she is that crazy she can't get him to turn against you or make you out to be a bum when he grows up.
     
  6. Mar 20, 2009 at 7:33 AM
    #6
    Scooter

    Scooter Canadian Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2008
    Member:
    #9750
    Messages:
    582
    Gender:
    Male
    Manitoba, Canada
    Vehicle:
    08 Double Cab TRD Sport Short Box
    Pop n Lock Power Tailgate Lock, Bak Flip Tonneau Cover, Factory DLR installed, Defrost with A/C Off, EZ Down Tailgate Damper, Code Alarm Security System with Remote Starter, Rear Spring TSB, Ming rust proofing & paint treatment, 3M fabric protector, Cargo Mat, Scanguage II, DYI Illuminated 4X4 Switch, Versa-Gate box extender & cargo divider, Toyota Roof Rails, Grom USB Audio adapter with bluetooth, LED Bed lights, OEM Backup Camera with LCD Display Mirror
    My wife also went throught some crazy times after our first child was born. I have known other women who went crazy after having a child. It is probably post pardum depression. Some women have it worse and longer than others. It took about a year for things to get back to normal for us. After she stopped breast feeding, and her hormones settled back to normal, things got better. Our daugter is turning 11 in June and I continue to enjoy my relationship with my wife.

    Things are always hard when you have a new baby. Your roles in your marrage changes, as you become dad, and mom as well as husband and wife. You probably had figured who does what chores around the house before the baby came, and now there is so much more to do, and your both tired from taking care of your new son. Throw in hormonal changes in your wife and things can get hairy.

    Remember the excitment of expecting your baby. Work at the problems together, and you'll pull through like my wife and I did.

    Do a bit of research on post pardum depression, and see if you guys can get some help or support. Hang in there. Separation is not always the best answer. It may seem easy at first, but it leaves hurts that scar. Think of your son growing up half the time with you, and the other half with his mom. Being tossed back and forth can't be good. What happens if the two of you move to different cities?

    Hang in ther for better or worse. I hope you guys find success in you marriage, and with your new addition to your family.
     
  7. Mar 20, 2009 at 7:59 AM
    #7
    kris77

    kris77 [OP] Born in the Backwoods

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6480
    Messages:
    1,193
    Gender:
    Male
    West Virginia
    Vehicle:
    08 DC TRD Sport Speedway Blue
    In channel Vent Visors, AVS Bug Shield, Hankook Dynapro RF10 265/70/17
    thanks guys...

    Tough times for everybody...Seems like one thing hits ya then another then another...the bad stuff can never be spread out...It all has to come at once...

    At least my truck's working right...lol...

    You gotta have a good attitude in situations like this...
     
  8. Mar 20, 2009 at 8:11 AM
    #8
    Veccster

    Veccster bass turds

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2008
    Member:
    #8407
    Messages:
    2,096
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Eric
    Pittsburgh - The City of Champions
    Vehicle:
    2009 DC V6 TRDsport
    5100's all around - fronts at 1.75", 265/70/17 Bridgestone Revo 2, HID headlights and fog lights, factory skid plate, ss exhaust tip, tube steps, Access roll-up tonneau cover, Redline hood struts, 6 D-rings, seat MagLite, LED dome, fumoto oil drain, DTRL, fog light anytime, Kenwood/Clarion speakers, Pop-N-Lock 5300, LED bed lights and a few other things...
    Please remember, for the sake of your son, that women go through a state of depression and chemical imbalance while pregnant and after giving birth. It can last the entire first year or as long as they are breastfeeding. In total (preg and post part), that's 2+ years of tough times. YOU need to be extremely considerate during this time. You may have to bite your lip and know that she is wrong but accept it. It sucks but your son's future is in the hands of doing the right thing.

    I highlight YOU because many guys think it's the women that are crazy and try to get them to change. A year is a long time to deal with it but you have a son now and need to go above and beyond what is normal to make it work.

    If all else fails, look at marriage counseling. Try your best to make the marriage work. Children that are raised in poorly split households never develop as well as those raised in a healthy and happy home.

    Finally, your son is 2 months old. I can't imagine trying to split time and care for a 2 month old. They need routine schedules and A LOT of work. I am the parent of a 1.5 yr old daughter so I just went through it last year. Divorce is UGLY and can really put a lot of stress on you both. Couple that with the stress you are already under from lack of sleep and someone is likely to boil over.



    I don't mean to act like a counselor...I'm just trying to be a voice of reason.

    Good luck and I hope it works out for the 3 of you!
     
  9. Mar 20, 2009 at 8:21 AM
    #9
    Scooter

    Scooter Canadian Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2008
    Member:
    #9750
    Messages:
    582
    Gender:
    Male
    Manitoba, Canada
    Vehicle:
    08 Double Cab TRD Sport Short Box
    Pop n Lock Power Tailgate Lock, Bak Flip Tonneau Cover, Factory DLR installed, Defrost with A/C Off, EZ Down Tailgate Damper, Code Alarm Security System with Remote Starter, Rear Spring TSB, Ming rust proofing & paint treatment, 3M fabric protector, Cargo Mat, Scanguage II, DYI Illuminated 4X4 Switch, Versa-Gate box extender & cargo divider, Toyota Roof Rails, Grom USB Audio adapter with bluetooth, LED Bed lights, OEM Backup Camera with LCD Display Mirror
    X2

    See my post above.
     
  10. Mar 20, 2009 at 8:25 AM
    #10
    Rtrn2taco

    Rtrn2taco Nostalgia...

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2008
    Member:
    #6090
    Messages:
    797
    Gender:
    Male
    Philadelphia
    Vehicle:
    08 DC PreRunner (silver)
    Great advice from Scooter and Veccster (same as I would have given).

    Although I must say with the proper Love, attention and cooperation from the both of you, your child will be just fine in going forward in the split household situation. I am a product of divorced parents and take offense to a general statement claiming that the enviroment I grew up in was not happy and healthy.
     
  11. Mar 20, 2009 at 8:46 AM
    #11
    Bart

    Bart Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Member:
    #4512
    Messages:
    282
    Franklin,NC
    Vehicle:
    08 TRD OFFROAD V6 4x4
    metra ipod
    If you can work it with your child's mother it's great, but if you cant you need to do what you deem the right thing. I just got custody of my daughter in December and it was hell to do. But I knew I needed to if her mother was A good mom and we could get along I would of been fine with her having coustody. So needless to say every situation is unique so do what your head tell's you don't go off emotion that will get in the way of rational decission making. It's a hard road to travel but it get's easier with time. Hang in there.
     
  12. Mar 20, 2009 at 10:01 AM
    #12
    Krazie Sj

    Krazie Sj Resident Jackass

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2008
    Member:
    #9849
    Messages:
    13,686
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Power Serge
    LV-426 (Acheron)
    Vehicle:
    07 TRD Off Road 4x4
    Borla Catback Exhaust, Airaid Short Ram Intake, 285x75R16 Mickey Thompson MTZs, 16" Konig Countersteer rims, ARB Bumper, All Pro LT w/Walker Evan Shocks front and back, All Pro expedition leaf pack, 10,000lb Superwinch, Intake Manifold Spacer, Bed Rack with ARB RTT, Rotopack and Hi Lift mounted, Husky Liner mats and an air freshener from 1995.
    So you're saying my already crazy redheaded GF is going to turn into Linda Blaire when we decide to have kids? Oh fuck me.

    I need an old priest and a young priest!
     
  13. Mar 20, 2009 at 10:49 AM
    #13
    longbow

    longbow I see you now..................

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2008
    Member:
    #7586
    Messages:
    4,041
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Bill
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 Tacoma Silver Mica TRD 4 Door
    Toy-tec Coil over lift, Eibach 700 lb springs, Sway bar relocate, Total Chaos UCA's, Moto metal wheels, BFG mudterrians, HID, custom 3 piece grill, Highlift jack w/custom mount, Highlift jack cover, bed matt, de-badged 100%, storage box lock mod, using defrost w/o AC mod, short antenna mod, horn re-locate, Tire Gate flat spare tire mount, engine cover painted, bed light (1) mod, wreck bar carrier, Blue Sea 5026 fuse block, center console outlet, flash light mod, Blue Sea inline fuse, Shrockworks sliders, All-Pro front bumper, Piaa 510 driving lights, Warn shackles front, Kennesaw rear bumper, "Tag Boltz" plate lights, Warn shackles rear, Warn M8000 winch, devil horns, BHLM, weathech liners front and rear.....T.W. sticker of course. Custom Sock bed decal for Michele
    X3.
    I do believe many women go through this, some minor and some major. Hang tough bro, alot of us have been through it.
     
  14. Mar 20, 2009 at 7:43 PM
    #14
    mntbiker2008

    mntbiker2008 First I derp.. then I herp

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2008
    Member:
    #11718
    Messages:
    8,172
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Aaron
    Cincinnati, OH
    Vehicle:
    93 Pick up 4x4 (sold), 10' Mazda 3
    i had to go through that. except. i was the kid. it sucked ALOT. my mom and dad would fight with each other who had me this week or who had me that day. my grades sucked at school because i was so stressed out and didnt know who was getting me from the bus every day. My dad was not the best in the world and unfortunatly i have to say my step dad was more of a dad to me. He made me feel bad about doing what I wanted to do (such as going to my moms for something or going out with friends) so i hardly went out when i was with him. I finally had to make a decision one day my junior year of high school whos house i was going to stay at. I couldnt have all this drama crap going on in between my parents. i chose to stay with my mom because i was so much happier over there, so i packed all my things and moved from my dads. yes, it was hard to make the choice but i had to be able to concentrate through my senior year and not feel bad about what i was doing.

    I guess the point im trying to make is keep your head high and do what is best for your son. You will get to see him. Im sure you will. just try not to do what my parents did.

    good luck through all of this.

    hope this was of any help at all.

    Aaron

    Edit: I am right with rtrn2taco on his statement about never being right. I had a bad time between the two households but once i finally moved out and got one main place to go to. I did very well. I am now 19 and have 2 very well paying jobs and I actually know what I am going to be doing in the field of work. I went through classes and became a firefighter. Not every kid is messed up after something like this. Support on both ends will definitely help.
     
  15. Mar 21, 2009 at 4:56 AM
    #15
    hoosiertaco

    hoosiertaco Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2008
    Member:
    #9084
    Messages:
    4,928
    Very well said by many above. Hang in there kris.:)
     
  16. Mar 21, 2009 at 6:23 PM
    #16
    allrsdup

    allrsdup Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2007
    Member:
    #3040
    Messages:
    863
    Gender:
    Male
    Sahuarita AZ.
    Vehicle:
    2015 dc superwhite 4x4
    my son is 9 now when he was 1 and a half his mom split i got full custody. but she had zero relationship with him before she left so i did not have to prove much and she new it. u can get joint definitely.
     
  17. Mar 21, 2009 at 8:11 PM
    #17
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Member:
    #8256
    Messages:
    3,042
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    John
    Equador. Don't know why.
    Vehicle:
    RIP Lucy.
    She's gone but not forgotten.
    I'm subscribing because I have been through this but I've been drinking tonight and can't put together good thoughts. I'll be back though, if you wish.
     
  18. Mar 21, 2009 at 8:29 PM
    #18
    09tacoLI

    09tacoLI Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2008
    Member:
    #10817
    Messages:
    739
    Gender:
    Male
    long island ny
    Vehicle:
    09 off road
    Shrockworks sliders,Shrockworks Front bumper,Warn 9.5xp winch,Toytec Ult.3in,Total Chaos UCAs,AP expo Rear, Fox remote resi shocks Bud built skids,Piaa 7in,Piaa yellow plasma Off road lights.
    Don't bail kris it sucks belive me I know but thers no way in hell I'm gonna be able to just see my daughter on certian days. I'm stayin and crazy I know but the first years are so day to day you'll miss to much. And most likely it will get better it is for me 3 yrs later but hang in there bro and PM me or who evers been thew this to vent out. Sounds kinda gay but there are plenty of guys here that know just what your talkin about. If I wasnt around alot of guys at work who have been thew this I would have bailed but it gets better ang if it doesnt later you can say I tried my best.
     
  19. Mar 23, 2009 at 4:14 AM
    #19
    kris77

    kris77 [OP] Born in the Backwoods

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6480
    Messages:
    1,193
    Gender:
    Male
    West Virginia
    Vehicle:
    08 DC TRD Sport Speedway Blue
    In channel Vent Visors, AVS Bug Shield, Hankook Dynapro RF10 265/70/17
    Im sticking with it so far...Good advice from all...I kinda knew all that...but it helps to hear it from ppl who have been there...
     
  20. Mar 23, 2009 at 8:30 AM
    #20
    hoosiertaco

    hoosiertaco Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2008
    Member:
    #9084
    Messages:
    4,928
    ^^^^^^^^^^:thumbsup:
     
To Top