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Just some funny stuff I've gathered over the years

Discussion in 'Law Enforcement Officers' started by Ray, May 25, 2013.

  1. Ray

    Ray [OP] Well-Known Member

    Jan 4, 2012
    San Diego
    09 Pre-Runner

    [FONT=&quot]"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em, nobody is your friend."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"That says POLICE, not taxi."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Can you run faster than 1,000 feet per second?" (if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a .40 S&W projectile (slug)).[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"You can't outrun a radio."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"I'd rather have the gear and not need it than need the gear I don't have."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Some people are meant to be cops, and some people are meant to call the cops."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Bulletproof vests aren't."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds, solely because dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence in their behalf."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"In God we trust, all others are suspects."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Just how big were those two beers?"[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Uh, yes, Chief, it only appeared as if I wasn't paying attention to your speech. Actually, you inspired me to meditate on the mission statement and envision a new paradigm."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"I know, I know, your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"You might beat the rap, but you can't beat the ride."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]We don't hire cops in this department, we hire common sense and make cops from it."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"I don't believe they should use the electric chair, they need to use electric bleachers."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Handcuffs aren't designed for comfort."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"Your arrest. You catch 'em, you clean 'em."[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]"There is no 'nice' way to arrest a potentially dangerous, combative suspect. The police are our bodyguards...our hired guns. We pay them to do the dirty work of protecting us; the things we're too afraid, too unskilled or too civilized to do ourselves. We expect them to keep the bad guys out of our businesses, our cars and houses and out of our face. We want them to 'take care of the problem.'" We just don't want to see how it's done.[/FONT]

    And one I used when asked if I had a "quota."

    "No, we don't. We have goals. It's spelled 'q-u-o-t-a' but pronounced g-o-a-l."

    Last edited: May 26, 2013
  2. toughtaco

    toughtaco Well-Known Member

    Dec 13, 2008
    05 tacoma dbl cab short bed
    TRD CAI, MBRP dual exhaust, PIAA headlights and driving lights, 5% limo tint, 3 inch Skyjacker lift , AFE throttle body spacer, 285/70/17 BF Goodright AT TA KO, Grillcraft MX with PIAA's behind the grill, anytime fog light mod, reverse camera anytime mod, and PIAA fog lights on the rear bumper anytime mod light bar behind back window with truck lights for reverse assistance, Optima Red Top Battery, Onza 3x5" LEd reverse lights attached to light bar behind cab
    ^^^Those are all good!!!!!
  3. coffeesnob

    coffeesnob Well-Known Member

    Feb 7, 2010
    2010 access 4 cyl 2 wd
    Just how big were those two beers?"

    that's funny
  4. Whitecloud

    Whitecloud Cloudy-fabricator of things

    Feb 24, 2010
    First Name:
    Albuquerque, New Mexico
    Superwhite 06 DCLB
    ICON Extended travel Coilovers, Custom leaf pack, custom sliders and F&R bumpers, 295 75 17 Toyo Open Country MT's, On-Board air with F+R connectors, On-Board water with quick disconnect shower.Trimmed fenders and body mount chop. LOTS of wiring, dual battery setup, Solar charging system, with some random lights spread around here and there.
    One that pops into my head,

    "Two beers, or two kegs, cause your swimming"
  5. k9cop

    k9cop if your not the lead dog, the view never changes

    Apr 3, 2011
    First Name:
    10 tacoma dbl cab trd off road prerunner
    CST 3.5" spindles, King 2.5 rr ,All Pro Expo's, Ext. Billy 5100's rear, Ext rear All Pro brake lines, LR UCA's, debadged, Cobra 29,2ft firestick, satoshi by jim, ARB front bumper, Smittybuilt xrc8 winch, wethatecs, bhlm also by jimbob, belgium malinois and German Shepherd in bed
    And one I used when asked if I had a "quota."

    "No, we don't. We have goals. It's spelled 'q-u-o-t-a' but pronounced g-o-a-l."
    My favorite
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