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Lost My Mom

Discussion in 'Prayers & Support' started by HSmith_11, Oct 25, 2019.

  1. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:43 PM
    #1
    HSmith_11

    HSmith_11 [OP] Tacoma Enthusiast

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    Hunter
    Madison, Va
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    5100/OME 881s 1.5" Progressive AAL 33x12.50X15 KO2s
    My mom recently passed away at 50 years old on September 30th after fighting lung cancer for about 4 months. For some background, I'm 19 years old (second year of college) with a 22 year old brother (recently graduated). My mother was the last person we thought would have lung cancer since she never smoked, drank, or anything of the sort. She had also beaten breast cancer just 7 years ago. The main reason I want to put this out here is because I think it would help me share a lot of my thoughts a feelings, and sometimes its a lot easier to do so with a group of random people on the internet.

    First off, my mother had been through a rough life which makes it even worse. She flew over from Vietnam at the age of 5 and barely got out (helicopter behind her got shot down). She was abandoned by her mother around the age of 13, then practically disowned by her step-mother shortly after. However, she managed to make it through pharmacy school all on her own (besides my dad who met her earlier in college).

    It's been almost a month now, so I've begun to realize what kinds of things can make me feel better in the situation but I'm sure there's always room for improvement. Here are some of the things that I've been focusing on:
    - There's absolutely nothing more we could have done with the situation we were given
    - She was never in the fight alone (we stayed with her the whole way as well as many family and friends)
    - We were able to get her home at the very end where I stayed with her the whole time trying to make her comfortable
    - There is no doubt that she knew how much we loved her
    - She's taught me countless things that I'll never forget
    - All I can do now is put 100% of my effort into things to make her proud

    I was 100% a "Momma's boy" and everyone knew it. I had always leaned toward her while my brother was more connected with my dad. A lot of people say I'm just a mini version of my mom. Right now, I've been coming home every weekend to stay with my dad since he's alone in the house (plenty of friends come by to keep him company). I've been trying to make home-cooked meals while I'm here as well (I'm a pretty good cook mainly due to my mother).

    Here are some of the tougher things that have been going through my mind lately:
    - The fact that I had to watch my mom slowly pass away over the course of 4 months
    - She was always my go-to in any situation
    - I'm very worried about my father and brother and how they are handling the situation
    - I've realized that I will never get to talk to her again (at least in this lifetime)
    - I'm not gonna have her with me for so many things (wedding, first kid, graduation, etc.)
    - She deserved so much better

    I'm sure I'll add a few more things as I think of them, but my mind has just been going through a lot lately.
     
    juandirt, BlackGT99, det107 and 5 others like this.
  2. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:45 PM
    #2
    Babybluetaco

    Babybluetaco Well-Known Member

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    Praying for you and your family
     
    specter208 likes this.
  3. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:45 PM
    #3
    Gregw138

    Gregw138 Well-Known Member

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    NY
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    WAY TOO MANY
    Sorry for your loss.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  4. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:45 PM
    #4
    My Name is Rahl

    My Name is Rahl President of the Nunya Bizness fanclub!

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    Rahl
    Central Ohio
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    I'm so sorry to hear this. Losing a parent is never easy. I lost my dad before I was ready. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  5. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:46 PM
    #5
    Lucario Runner

    Lucario Runner Resident Truck/SUV racer

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    My condolences.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  6. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:47 PM
    #6
    JmsWms

    JmsWms Well-Known Member

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    Tennessee
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    Prayers for you and your family. So sorry for your loss.
     
  7. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:50 PM
    #7
    BuzzardsGottaEat

    BuzzardsGottaEat "Pick up some speed.. You'll make it."

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    Hey, little brother. I’m Proud of you for being open about what you’re going through. We will be praying for you and are here if you need an ear. You have people here for you, man. I’m so glad you had such a good relationship with your mom and you knew how much you loved each other. Keep us posted if you need anything at all!
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  8. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:50 PM
    #8
    BINK05TRD

    BINK05TRD Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your loss Hunter.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  9. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:50 PM
    #9
    Burdturger

    Burdturger Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your loss. Care to share any stories of her that make you smile?
     
    Built2Ride and wilcam47 like this.
  10. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:52 PM
    #10
    Beer:30

    Beer:30 I love lamp

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    Somewhere North of Denver
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    Very sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through. I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 22. She wad 43. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my mom basically raised me on her own, so losing her at such a young age was tough. Stay strong, brother. Time heals all wounds.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  11. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:52 PM
    #11
    Barrette86

    Barrette86 Well-Known Member

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    Maine
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    Sorry for your loss man, I couldn’t imagine.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.
  12. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:53 PM
    #12
    wilcam47

    wilcam47 Well-Known Member

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    North Idaho...moving to Arizona soon!
    Sorry to hear this, My prayers and condolences go out to you and your family/friends. Ive been there I was just 21 when my mom passed away from cancer at 43...its been 24yrs now, shes gone. One thing to remember is dont look for help in a bottle or pills it wont help. Take it day by day and try to think of what your mother would say if she were alive in your decisions. You still have family left so be there for them and them for you. Hope this helps, if you need someone to bend an ear send me a PM...
     
    Beer:30 likes this.
  13. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:54 PM
    #13
    Rock Lobster

    Rock Lobster The Ignore button is for weaklings.

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    Sorry for your loss. It's always hard. Whether it happens suddenly or slowly, it's always hard.

    Treasure the good memories that you had together. Sometimes it helps to keep a little object that reminds you of your favorite memory, whether it's a photo, a piece of jewelry, a scrapbook, whatever. Those little things will help get you through the worst of it.


    Remember that in a way you are a part of her, and she is always with you, and always will be.
     
  14. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:56 PM
    #14
    JCOOR

    JCOOR Well-Known Member

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    Lost my mother suddenly when I was 24 so I understand what you’re going through. Keep your head up, stay strong and focus on the positive things in life. Create a future for yourself that would make your mother proud
     
    ColoradoTJ, aggr0crag and wilcam47 like this.
  15. Oct 25, 2019 at 5:58 PM
    #15
    Steves104x4

    Steves104x4 Well-Known Member

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    BUCKLE UP! It makes it harder for Aliens to pull you out of your Truck.
    I’m sorry, Hunter
     
  16. Oct 25, 2019 at 6:05 PM
    #16
    SloPoke

    SloPoke Member

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    I'm truly sorry for your loss. A mother's love is a most special love. Live for your mother. She lives through you. The love and goodness she gave you will be with you all the days of your life. Take care.
     
  17. Oct 25, 2019 at 6:05 PM
    #17
    aggr0crag

    aggr0crag Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your loss, man. Cherish the memories of your close relationship with her. Thoughts and prayers with you.
     
  18. Oct 25, 2019 at 6:12 PM
    #18
    HSmith_11

    HSmith_11 [OP] Tacoma Enthusiast

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    Hunter
    Madison, Va
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    5100/OME 881s 1.5" Progressive AAL 33x12.50X15 KO2s
    We shared funny times together all the way till the very last day. One of my favorites is going to the zoo with her, her childhood best friend, and my girlfriend this past spring. We had plenty of laughs and she had always been in love with zoo animals. It was also a big deal since she only hung out with her best friend every so often and it had been a while since I had seen her myself.

    One thing I've always been proud of is that I don't smoke or drink at all, which is pretty rare for people my age, and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon. It also helps a lot to know I'm not the only one experiences this. In fact, one of my roommates who I know from my hometown lost his mother 5 years ago to the same exact cancer, so he has helped me a lot.

    This is my main goal at the moment. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to have two very intelligent parents that happened to pass some good genes on to me. Right now, I have a 3.9 GPA after going through almost 2 years (including Calc II, organic chemistry, etc) which is something my mom was always proud of.
     
    ColoradoTJ, wilcam47 and JCOOR like this.
  19. Oct 25, 2019 at 6:17 PM
    #19
    Kaje304

    Kaje304 No...she’s not my sister

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    Jake
    WV
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    My condolences and prayers.
    I lost my mother in August. I am nearly your mothers age now and I can’t imagine what you’re going through losing a mother at your age.

    I also was guilty of being a “Mamma’s boy”
    and still struggle with her passing.

    I can offer you this,
    What made moms loss so hard to take is that she was always the “Rock” of the family, everyone’s firm ground to stand on, or lean on in times of need.

    From your opening comments it sounds like you are now the “Rock” of your family.
    Be proud of that, most don’t have the strength.
     
    ColoradoTJ and wilcam47 like this.
  20. Oct 25, 2019 at 6:22 PM
    #20
    El Tano

    El Tano i am the one who knocks

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    I’m sorry for your loss man. I lost mine 10 years ago, to some kind of cancer, in 4 weeks she was gone. Remember the good times and do your best to move on.
     
    wilcam47 likes this.

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