Man Laws / Rules

Never disrespect another mans vehicle... especially a tacoma!!

 

If you're past the age of 25 don't do exotic hand shakes or fist bumps on me. You, and now I, both look like idiots. You're an adult now, just fucking shake my hand.

The inverse of this is true too. If you're under 25 and you are greeting an adult, please approach it in the traditional fashion.

 

agreed - those who key, smash windows, etc is not a real man.

 

Change your own oil, no matter how much cheaper it is to take it in.

 

under no circumstances will you change the channel when the game is on

(this applies to all masculine sports - football, basketball, lacrosse, hockey, etc.)

 

Nobody smokes in my truck ! Not even the WIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A few I like:

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story

It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

 

You may not order more than one gay menu item at a time.

If you want a "meal" salad as your entree, fine, order it with a beer.

If you want a lemonade, fine, order it with country fried steak.

Never under any circumstances order a salad and a lemonade.

I recently debated this with my wife.

 

If your hand touches your buddy's hand while walking next to each other, DO NOT acknowledge....it didnt happen.

Do not make eye contact with the other guy while slamming the same chick....yes, it IS awkward

 

follow through on promises/commitments

believe in something...especially yourself

 

I would say that to my wife, but she would come in the garage naked when people are over...

 

x20000000000000000

 

When in doubt, whip it out.

 

301. Dress for the job you want, not for the one you have.

 

when cheersing, always tap bottle bottoms, NEVER the tops. this is to avoid unwanted saliva-swapage

 

Never disrespect another man in his home

 

This thread is awesome!!! Keep em coming!!

 

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

omg... so true.

my wife seriously thinks my hearing is going. i keep telling her that i am concentrating on something else and she needs to get my attention before talking or asking a question.