Married to work?

I’m 33 and have been in IT for my entire adult life.

I make great money, get all kinds of free meals with customers (on my expense account), travel to places that I’d otherwise never visit, work from home a couple days a week, and am good friends with most of my coworkers outside of work.

The problem is that I’m obsessed with work.....I dialed into conference calls on my honeymoon, answer email on vacation, and average 55 hours / week.

I’m damn good at my job and my clients think I’m a rockstar, but it’s starting to cause some tension in my marriage, blood pressure, and sleep schedule.

My wife is accustomed to a very strict military schedule and has no concept of OT or profit margin, so she struggles to relate....::

I’ve been toying with the idea of quitting my job to do something that will pay a fraction of what I make.

Maybe it’s crazy, but I feel like I could get on board with sitting on a zero turn or zoning out while I lay tile. I’m damn good at laying tile; one of the few skills that my grandpa taught me.

Anyone else ever thought about doing something so crazy ? My wife says she’ll support whatever I want to do, as long as it’ll make me less edgy.

 

If you really truly feel that your marriage and overall well-being is at stake because of the state of your current job, then yes...I would consider switching jobs/careers. It sounds like you will have quite the experience on your resume and with that at 33 years old you shouldn't have any trouble finding work, or getting back into the field if you decided to do so.

Or it might just be that some outside counseling is needed to help re-prioritize your focus; to learn how much energy to spend on work vs. personal life, because it sounds like the scales are tipped the wrong way. That doesn't necessarily mean quitting your job but that's ultimately for you to decide.

That's my take on it anyway....at the end of the day, your health and your family are what matters most.

 

Do you have children yet?

My father spent his life devoted mostly to his career...worked for the same company (still does) for my entire life, going on 33 years. Climbed the corporate ladder and has a very respectable executive position with a major nation-wide insurance company.

That said, we always knew him growing up as 'Dad is always gone because he has to work so we can have the things we want'. When he was home, he was always exhausted and pretty checked out from us. My mom was the caretaker through and through.

We all turned out okay and I'm not complaining, but my father has told me numerous times as an adult how much he regrets not spending more time with us as kids and having more fun in general. He's a completely different person now, focused much more on enjoying life and not taking everything else so seriously. Take that for what it's worth, I know I keep it in mind now that I'm thinking of having kids in the near future.

 

No kids yet, but we’ve been trying for a while.

I feel like I’ve seen both sides. My grandfather spent his whole life “poor, but incredibly happy and involved with the family” and my father has spent his whole life “traveling and trying to buy happiness for the family.”

I respect my dad, but maybe gramps had it figured out? I sure have a lot more memories with my grandpa.

My other grandpa managed to find a happy medium, but can’t seem to find a way to do that myself.........

 

I’ve watched plenty of interviews with elderly folks about their biggest regrets in life, none of them said they wished they had worked more. Every single one cited family, love, travel and experiences as things they wished they had done.

We all only get one shot at life, it would be a shame to waste it working.

 

yup, I missed out on a lot of hunting and fishing...trying to spend the rest of my life catching up...

money isnt everything....

 

Dont end up like Milton...

 

What's your job title?
What is it that requires you 55+ hours a week, that can't be done in a normal 40 hour work week?

 

I understand both sides. My wife is a work a holic. She’s a senior manager aspiring to be a partner at a big 4 firm. Hell im sitting here typing this in our hotel room while out of town for her cousins wedding weekend. she’s not here yet because she was in Rome for work. We have a son that is 2. I work full time, finishing grad school however my firm is family first. My hours are flexible so that we get our work done but also make family time important. Could I make more somewhere else? Probably, but I enjoy the flexibility, salary is still good, and I get to see my son everyday. My son has only seen my wife 5 days out of the last 20. I wish she was home more but I’ve known her when she started her job and support her because she wants to be a partner. It hasn’t been easy at all but we make it work.

 

Quitting your job to lay tile is drastic.

Why not try working less hard? If it's non-doable then make some decisions. The fact that you are on conference calls on your honeymoon is totally on you. No rational employer in the world would expect that.

Set some work/life boundaries then don't cross them. Turning your phone off for the night right before dinner is a good start.

If this gets you sacked, go "Office Space" and hang some drywall, brother!

 

I'm 33 also. I would never and have never let work interfere with family life. If that's the case step back and take a good look.

 

The problem is you, not the job......

You'll treat any job you enjoy the same way.

You'll just become the rockstar tile guy. For less pay.

Learn how to set boundries, reset customer expectations and focus on your wife more.

You can still be a rockstar, make good money, be healthy and have a stronger marriage while enjoying your work.

Says the guy thats BTDT.

 

This is so true. I’m only 24 but I have seen it from both sides. Worked two jobs and went to school full time. I was NEVER home and I was not happy. So I quit one job. I make significantly less money now but I am much happier in life and really am enjoying the free time I get to spend with my family. You really need to find a happy medium. Try to work less hours at your current job.

 

Start with this...
ALL behaviors are purposeful...
Seek to understand what that purpose is... Then you can change behaviors in a meaningful way. Otherwise, you will likely take this obsession with work into the next endeavor.
Just my $0.02, add several $$$ and you can get a cup of coffee

 

My guess is if you change jobs you will still be putting in 55 hours, because that is who you are, not necessarily what your current job requires from you. Ask me how I know. I used to work 12 to 14 hour days. Salaried, so no overtime. One day I realized that my son is almost graduating from high school and I never spend time with him during the week. I forced myself to work till 5 and go home. Changed some priorities, delegated some work etc. I am now a different person. Actually a lot less stress, and spend valuable time with the family at the dinner table.
I would say if you are successful in your current job and you enjoy it, change your priorities and work hours. If you don't like the job, then change to something else, but don't expect just that to result in different work hours.

 

Ive found that no matter the amount of money you make it can never replace time lost. Be it with family, friends or whatever hobby you enjoy. That time lost can never get replaced, but if you love your job more than your family and free time then continue on with it.

 

I get my 40 and I'm out

 

I'm 44 and recently went through a similar decision. I was a sales and distribution manager for the last 24 years and work was making me miserable. My company runs 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and I would literally get phone calls from 2AM to 11PM. The stress was brutal and it felt like it was never going to end. I made good money and had a couple of hundred thousand in air-cooled Porsches to entertain me but my personal life was getting neglected as was my wife. I finally had enough about a year ago and gave it up and walked away. I took a year off to decompress and think about what I want to do next. I figure I will take a huge pay cut but if I can find something I enjoy it will all be worth it.

I was thankful to be in a financial position to be able to do that and have a wife that supported it and wanted to see me happier. I wish I would have done it when I was 33 like I wanted to back then but was to scared to do it. It is probably easier to start over in your 30's than in your 40's.

 

I don’t offer much help with your situation since I’m only 18, but stories like this one is one of the reasons that I have thought so long about what I want in a career since I’m going into my freshman year of college this fall. After a bunch of talking with my parents and thinking with myself, I think I’m pretty set on becoming a dentist (my dad owns his own small town office right now so I could inherit/buy it when he retires).

The main reasons I chose this is because 1) I want to be my own boss and I work better independently 2) I would obviously like to make decent money since I have an interest in trucks/cars/mods and 3) He has been able to only work Mon-Thur for the past 5 or so years will plenty of vacation and he has even convinced the front desk person to not schedule patients at 1-1:30 so he can have an even longer lunch break (he comes home for lunch since the office is only 8 or so minutes away). With all this, I think he’s been able to create a “happy medium” by spending plenty of time with us as well as making enough money to live comfortably and fund our hobbies.

I just wanted to make this post to let you know that stories such as yours actually does have an impact on many younger people’s decisions that other kids don’t often think of at my age.