My Fellow Turkey's

It all started when our predictably heroic hero, ND, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling really angered, ND grabbed a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved men was missing! Immediately he called his annoying neighbor, lsocoee. ND had known lsocoee for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. lsocoee was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... pestering. ND called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

lsocoee picked up to a very angry ND. lsocoee calmly assured him that most legless puppies sneeze before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually exotically sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting ND. Why was lsocoee trying to distract ND? Because he had snuck out from ND's with the men only five days prior. It was a saucy little men... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before ND got back to the subject at hand: his men. lsocoee grimaced. Relunctantly, lsocoee invited him over, assuring him they'd find the men. ND grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, lsocoee realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the men and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if ND took the 'modded' Civic, he had take at least ten minutes before ND would get there. But if he took the Taco? Then lsocoee would be barely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, lsocoee was interrupted by ten stupid Care Bears that were lured by his men. lsocoee yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he recklessly reached for his potato and aimlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Taco rolling up. It was ND.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, ND was out of the Taco and went wildly jaunting toward lsocoee's front door. Meanwhile inside, lsocoee was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the men into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. lsocoee was concerned but at least the men was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' lsocoee wildly purred. With a hasty push, ND opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive coke fiend in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'It's fine,' lsocoee assured him. ND took a seat nearby where lsocoee had hidden the men. lsocoee sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But ND was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, lsocoee noticed a stupid look on ND's face. ND slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

lsocoee felt a stabbing pain in his ear when ND asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the men right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on ND's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. ND nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before lsocoee could react, ND carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The men was plainly in view.

ND stared at lsocoee for what what must've been five seconds. As if it really mattered lsocoee groped earnestly in ND's direction, clearly desperate. ND grabbed the men and bolted for the door. It was locked. lsocoee let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, ND,' he rebuked. lsocoee always had been a little abrasive, so ND knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before lsocoee did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his men tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

lsocoee looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from ND. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for ND. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. lsocoee walked over to the window and looked down. ND was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, ND was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind lsocoee's place. ND had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the men. One by one they latched on to ND. Already weakened from his injury, ND yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his men.

But then God came down with His smart smile and restored ND's men. Feeling angered, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle and zipped away with the fortitude of half a million South American hissing sloths running from a enlarged pack of man-eating capybaras. ND danced with joy when he saw this. His men was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet hand grenade'). ND was jubilant. And so, everyone except lsocoee and a few bloody glove-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.

 

I apologize, but in my defense you did ask 3 questions, each of which required a full response. that takes some time over the internet

 

aaaah mmmm i vote for...... ND i think aaa maybe
ok hell yes I VOTE FOR ND
ok now pay me

 

As for the VP. the only way to go about this is for everyone who is interested to start kissing my ass and i will decide who to appoint based on no other criteria than how much you can suck up to authority. thats how its been does since the first election, i'm not gonna go changing things up now

 

Pucker up, people.

 

who always had your back pal

 

Its built into the first stimulous package if you make less than $10 an hour and all costs will be covered via a voucher. This voucher must be used only at specified locations owned by said family.

enjoy your lift.

 

Fellow TW members, this is exactly teh kind of rhetoric that we need to ignore. Most of this probably never happened

 

In light of this new discovery (which only cost $10 million in research) i will change my answer. i still stand by my previous "anti-green" statements. But let it be known that i am very fond of glass (its shiny in the sunlight) and nuclear bombs (i'm compensating for anatomical shortcomings). So combining the two in a country where i dont live would actually be an ideal situation for me. My policy is "why have them if you dont use them?". I will make sure we use every last one of our bombs to avoid waste

definitely not you! you have it about 50% of the time, the other half of the time you are ridiculing me like the rest of these useless jackals that call themselves "human beings". God i hate this site and everyone on it..... VOTE ND FOR 2012!!!

 

now thats the way to get my vote

 

As you can see, it looks like "someone" has changed the title of this thread. This is a perfect example of the Liberal Media trying to put a negative spin on an otherwise flawless campaign platform

 

what do you want to do? i can make you the chief of the "super police" who's job is to go around shooting first and asking questions later.

 

i'm pretty sure i was hammered during that photoshoot but from what i can remember they made some very cool promises that had something to do with a hot green alien super model chick. So yeah, if they bring me a hot green lady alien to bang and maybe some kick ass technology (or at the very least "space beer") then i'll be happy to help out my alien friends. i'm not like past presidents, i will make my pandering to special interest groups as public as possible. if you think about it, there's more money to be made that way (at least for me)

 

sweet, get together for Greysky for "training" and have her hook you up with whatever guns you need. we can mount one of those mini guns to your taco. I'll have the treasury dude pay her back later