Quote of the Day

"I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford

 

When somebody challenges you, fight back. Be brutal, be tough. - Donald Trump

 

"Squeezing our money out of politicians is more difficult than squeezing blood from a turnip. To paraphrase an Oscar Hammerstein love song, once they have found a way to take our money, they never let it go." - Cal Thomas

 

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. ... The basic problems facing the world today are not susceptible to a military solution." - John F. Kennedy

 

Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live.
- Adolf Hitler

 

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King Jr.

 

I have a problem with too much money. I can't reinvest it fast enough, and because I reinvest it, more money comes in. Yes, the rich do get richer. -Robert Kiyosaki

 

"You sittin' on a high horse, Boy. I never had talent. I did the best I could with what I had - can you say that? Mr. Big Shot, Mr. pill-poppin' rock star...who are you to judge? You ain't got nuthin..." - [A. Ray Cash, Walk the Line]

 

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show. - Bill Maher

 

"Philosophy is the science which considers truth." - Aristotle

 

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."
- Friedrich Nietzsche: Women as Dangerous Plaything

 

Philosophers Quotes/Jokes

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the need to resist such a public display of your own lamentable and incorrigible ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

 

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. - Harry Allen Smith

 

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. - Homer Simpson

 

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. - Chinese Proverb

 

A blogger is a fool, who, not content with boring those living with him, insists on tormenting the general public. - Modified Montesquieu quote

 

I could never have imagined that firing 67 people on national television would actually make me more popular, especially with the younger generation. - Donald Trump

 

The great masses of the people... will more easily fall victims to a great lie than to a small one. - Adolf Hitler

 

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible."
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

 

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Henry Weinberger