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Relationship....what would you do? LONG read!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by thebigk, Aug 1, 2009.

  1. Aug 1, 2009 at 8:31 AM
    #1
    thebigk

    thebigk [OP] 6 Double 5 3 2 1

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    Ken....
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    Ok.....where to start

    As most of you may or may not know....my wife and I have had some problems in the past. They escalated here a while back and she left for a while. She came back with the attitude of change and things were ok for a while. Now things are back to arguing, saying bad things and just down right negative feelings.

    Fast forward to 7/22. There's this girl at a client site I work at a few times a month. SHe is HOT HOT HOT!!! I deal with her while I'm there and she's very friendly. The guys give me crap that if I don't go for some reason that she asks where I'm at.

    Well the 22nd I had to work with her all day. We worked....cut up...joked...a little harmless flirting. But as the day went on I was getting REALLY attracted to her!!!!

    Anyway....we had to finish the job Friday so I worked with her again....we talked more and we both admitted we were attracted to each other. After work we stopped for a beer & we talked all night....talking lead to kissing and then I had to go home.

    We have talked non stop for a week! I saw her before I left for Atlanta and saw her last night when I got back.

    We hit it off so easily. We talk about everything and anything. I have never had a relationship like this. I am truly happy when I am with her...and feel like I'm going to die when we're apart. SHe has said the same to me on many occasions.

    Now the kicker......she's in a marriage that is worse than mine. They do not have sex and are together for her 2 kids and convenience only.

    Now my question is.....do I keep this up....see where it leads? I really really really think this woman is my soul mate.
     
  2. Aug 1, 2009 at 8:38 AM
    #2
    mntbiker2008

    mntbiker2008 First I derp.. then I herp

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    Aaron
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    thats a hard one dude. do you have kids? the reason i say this is because i come from a split family and having 2 different houses to switch while i was young was really hard for me. maybe go with your wife and get some counseling? yeh it sounds stupid "why would we do that?" im telling you though it works. either you find out if you can live with her or you cant. if not, seperate and try to hook up with this lady youve been talking to. hopefully things will work out with her family. You obviously really like this girl. If you dont act on the wife and do something, whats stopping you guys from fighting and her leaving again? maybe shes seeing some other guy??? (just putting ideas out there... i hope this is not happening)


    Good luck with all this

    Aaron
     
  3. Aug 1, 2009 at 8:49 AM
    #3
    thebigk

    thebigk [OP] 6 Double 5 3 2 1

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    Yeah my son is 10. I used to always say never fight in front of him.....but my wife fights in front of anyone. It kills me for him to get upset over us but he does not need to hear the fights between us. He's heard the words divorce many times.
    We did the counseling thing a few years ago.....worked for a while....then back to normal.

    I don't think she's seeing anyone else.....I mean I could be wrong....but I see no signs.

    The only thing we have in common anymore is sex.....our sex life is and always has been amazing!

    But the love part......not for a while.....it was there....then as years went on it started to come & go......lately it's hardly ever there
     
  4. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:11 AM
    #4
    dexterdog

    dexterdog My pee parts itch

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    It sounds like two very unhealthy relationships that are bound for disaster. I hate the phrase, "We're staying together for the kids." The children are affected by everything going on around them. With all the fighting and general negative vibes it is for certain no benefit to the children.

    I think you need to take a long hard look at your relationship. Sit down with your wife and figure out what is best for the both of you and you child. Don't be doing this behind the back crap. It will only lead to something much worse.
     
  5. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:20 AM
    #5
    imsikotic

    imsikotic If u cant stand behind our troops. Stand in front

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    You both should separate from your counterparts and after the dust settles officially get together with you bonny lass and live happily ever-after. Staying together "for the kids" is the worst thing you can do to your kids. I know first hand how that story pans out. Just remain on good terms with the other parent and things will work out fine. Good luck to you and you Hot Hot Hot mistress..
     
  6. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:26 AM
    #6
    Untamed_SS

    Untamed_SS Stayed Up Too Late

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    Yo man, you got a tough decision ahead of you. Hopefully we can all help you and get you to where you need to be. :)

    I don't know how it feels to have a child, so I can't really feel what you are going through with that, but I would say, try your best to look out for your son. Kids get hurt a lot during divorces and parents fighting.

    Talking to your wife about the relationship sounds like a good first step. Find out whats going through her mind and let her know how you feel. Maybe you can find some resolution to this. In a peaceful way.

    I really hope this works out in a good way for you man. Stay strong.
     
  7. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:28 AM
    #7
    muliefever

    muliefever Muliefever

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    You only live once my man! Life is way to short to live unhappy! It would be a no brainer for me..
     
  8. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:32 AM
    #8
    WhatThePho?

    WhatThePho? Greg Graffin 2016

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    The things required to pull bitches
    As everyone is saying staying together for the kids is a bad thing, especially if he is 10, What he sees now will affect how he grows up, kids at this age are really influenced by their surrounding, it might not show until they get older. Like what dexter says sit down and talk things out and figure whats best
     
  9. Aug 1, 2009 at 9:41 AM
    #9
    OU812

    OU812 ban the term murdered out

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    Never stay together for the "sake of the children".

    I know this from firsthand experience. Children have a strong sense for what is going on in their lives at a young age. They pick up on vibes and tension more than you might think. It is hard on them too. I watched my boy go through weight changes from stress that was caused by arguments when I was married. Never again I told myself.

    Be true to yourself. It sounds cliche but go with your gut feelings. It is hard to end a relationship especially with kids involved but you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children. Fighting and arguing and hanging on to just hang on is no way to live. It will wear out your soul and leave you empty.
     
  10. Aug 1, 2009 at 10:11 AM
    #10
    ImpulseRed008

    ImpulseRed008 Gone But Not Forgotten

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    You guys need to have a heart to heart and decide where you want to go as a couple.... be it to continue as a couple or to split. The fighting in front of your son is not good for him (as I know you stated you don't do - but she does). A divorce with two peaceful homes has got to be better than a tension filled house.

    If you decide to divorce and the "other woman" does as well, then go ahead and explore a relationship with her. As long as you both are married, I'd say stay away- it will only complicate things.
     
  11. Aug 1, 2009 at 10:13 AM
    #11
    JimBeam

    JimBeam BECAUSE INTERNETS!! Moderator

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    its been my experience that these little "flings" are usually just that...flings...ive seen a lot of my friends getting involved with someone who's relationship was "awful" and then that other person claim time and time again that they were leaving...and then never did

    if you both leave and still want to see each other...by all means...go for it...but proceed with caution before then
     
  12. Aug 1, 2009 at 5:59 PM
    #12
    thebigk

    thebigk [OP] 6 Double 5 3 2 1

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    Thanks guys.....she lives in the the town I work...she was down here today to do some shopping (this is a little bit bigger town) and I saw her for a little while......we have really started discussing where we want this to go. So far we are looking at the same things.

    I mean I've had a wife before & a couple of live ins when I was younger......every time I was "in love"..........I don't know if I am with this girl....but it's something WAY different than I've ever felt before.

    I definitely know staying for the kids is bad......but when ou're semi comfortable.....it's hard to get out of the rut of marriage to.......it's been 13yrs........

    I'm too old for this shit.......
     
  13. Aug 1, 2009 at 6:08 PM
    #13
    Packman73

    Packman73 ^^^^ 3%er ^^^^

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    This is easy. Life is too short to be miserable. Find happiness wherever you can.
     
  14. Aug 1, 2009 at 6:11 PM
    #14
    JM76

    JM76 Ride On

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    it's not too hard to get out of "this rut of a marriage" pardon me for being so blunt but I call BULLSHIT. It's convienent, comfortable and routine. If you are really unhappy, man up and tell your wife that you want out. Yes it sucks but living in a hopeless marriage sucks more.
     
  15. Aug 1, 2009 at 6:46 PM
    #15
    rick

    rick `

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    follow your heart
     
  16. Aug 1, 2009 at 6:52 PM
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    mpgnc64

    mpgnc64 Well-Known Member

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    Just remember there are two sides to every story. I would take it slow. What was harder for my son than me and my Xbox satying together was all the "Uncles" he has had to deal with since the bitch has left. Your son is number one in your life, spend time with him not your unhappy wife or this other woman. Take him fishing or camping or on some runs with your truck friends. Show him what a healthy relationship is and concentrate on his well being. Find happiness in being a Dad, a good level headed father. You have a great opportunity here to have an incredible impact on your sons life, dont blow it on some woman that cant seem to get her shit together. Believe me, he will be off on his own before you know it. Come on he is 10 and has to deal with the shit you two adults can seem to deal with. Quit being so fucking selfish and give your time to the person that needs it, your son.
     
  17. Aug 1, 2009 at 6:53 PM
    #17
    wildjerseyfirefighter

    wildjerseyfirefighter I sell fishing and fishing accessories

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    maybe all 3 of you "you,wife,son" sit down and talk this out and explain to him what could potentially happen(divorce) and listen to what he has to say. If you and your wife are in a deadend marriage, you should get out now while you both have the time to readjust in life as being single.
     
  18. Aug 1, 2009 at 7:08 PM
    #18
    phynyx38

    phynyx38 Believe

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    Your in a tough situation, but I agree with mpgnc64 do what's in the best interest of your son. No matter if the choice is to stay or go.
     
  19. Aug 1, 2009 at 7:21 PM
    #19
    badguybuster

    badguybuster Well-Known Member

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    Hear me man, for I am the voice of experience. DO NOT get any more involved until you both get separated (at a minimum). Countless guys have been killed for just your situation. If you two are dead set of being together, do it right. Remember, once a cheater...always a cheater. Not only that, you would both be giving your significant others plenty of ammo for divorce court.
     
  20. Aug 1, 2009 at 7:22 PM
    #20
    TacoSter

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    For better or worse... sit down with wifee and remember why you hooked up to begin with... kindle the fire
     
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