Retort thread

I thought I'd put my skills to good use so here it is.

The retort thread: Is someone pissing you off? Wish you had something witty to say but you got nothing?

Here's where I come in. First, everything I post is grammatically correct including punctuation and spelling. This ensures your retort will never be the subject of grammar Nazis who will rip apart what you said due to some elementary spelling error. I may spell some words differently than you, however that's just how I roll. Example being colour and honour.

Don't ask me to change it cause I won't.

Now to the good stuff. Is someone being a douche nugget supreme and you wish they didn't exist? Tell them the carbon in their body would be put to better use in a pencil.

Just feel like being mean randomly? Tell them they're a dick pimple on a fetid swamp corpse.

I can tailor any insult for any need, and I reserve the right to make fun of you too. And before you ask, no I won't help you prerunning bastards make fun of 4x4's. Unless it's Xrunnit.

 

We'd make fun of you but life has been miraculous enough to you that we should stand in awe. I mean who knew that when your Mom took a big bean burrito crap one day it'd come to life. Seriously, evolution took billions of years to do what your mother did in a gassy 5 minutes. Turn a big cess pool of unwanted useless shit and gave it sentience. Well, I guess it's not that miraculous. You're still unwanted and useless.


First one is free lil'buddy.