Roast my Tacoma! (2nd gen edition)

You drive like you cook steak. Shit is so burnt Kingsford called and asked if you wanted your charcoal in a bag. Roast your truck? Roast it yourself, any half decent man can cook his own meat, you've turned "burnt by dad, king of the grill" into an art form... A parking lot abomination, but art nonetheless

 

Fix the cigarette lighter.

 

...yeesh, jesus, what is this abomination

this thing is open wider than your ex was last night

beggin' yer pardon sir but incorporating alien technology is cheating

with the open construction like that with no body panels etc we... can still see the small penis.

 

GAF!!!

 

Uhm… nice truck? I got nothing

 

Salad maker? What and worse… WHY? Walmart parts and cheap lift gone wrong??? Horribly wrong?

 

A little bit changed..

 

Yeah, your alucab is now pumpkin spice variety, complete with the han solo get up and the Starbucks preferred parking card (now with free lot lizard access! Limit one per visit) Your truck is ready for Halloween with that devil horn Toyota emblem, as are you with your red rocket costume to match the mini dick on your winch line. That's not your buddy's cool Toyota pickup behind you, that's your uncle waiting to peek up your leather skirt as you get out of your glamper. Turns out crotchless panties wasn't a good idea, you truck drivin girl, you.


Sleep with one eye open, willy.

 

Give your worst

 

Good god, it’s the “tits up” kid. Is your gas cap still higher than your nips? Are you still wearing braces? I can’t even say half the things I want to because of the unspoken version of Megan’s Law here on Tacomaworld.

Someday, with a wad of cash, someone, possibly even the preferred gender, will have sex with you (for money), and by God they will do it with gritted teeth and shit-tons of nasty porn lube, desperately trying to slip past the mental block of your enormous, worthless truck with cottage core wreaths, LED lights you never use, and all those extra seats (5) you never use either.

THOSE POOR MALLARDS UNDER THE ENGINE BLOCK MUST BE THE BIGGEST LOSERS IN YOUR DISGUSTING HELLHOLE REGION OF THE PLANET. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT A LOAD OF BUCKSHOT INTO THEM SO THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE THERE FOR YOUR MINDLESS SOUL WHEN YOU ARE REINCARNATED DOWN-TIER INTO A MALLARD.

What to say? I hated high school, but I didn’t hate myself this much.

 

I'd rather drive the golf cart

 

“You get 17 mpg and you can’t hear the stereo over the noise of those big tires. Why are all of your vehicles so uncomfortable!?” (Seeing if my wife’s roast of my own truck makes any sense to you either.)

 

Not when you’re a virgin it doesn’t.

 

them headlights look like it idles in the morning to stay warm while waiting for the short bus to come

 

AT Mcdonalds, he gets the fast pass treatment allowing him to skip having to order at the speaker.....They know by his light pattern that the Happy Meal guy is back for his usual.

 

Ohhhhhh!!!

 

I guess half a truck is better than nothing? Is it a flatbed so you can haul all the cra$ that falls off??… or to haul all the dead hookers off for dirt naps?