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still stuck on the past

Discussion in 'Prayers & Support' started by Fienoma, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:13 PM
    #1
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Hey guys i've pretty much reached my mental capacity of finding ways to deal with my oldest brother passing. He passed in 1997 and i was only 5 at the time..ever since he's been gone i've grown a feeling of hate towards God..though i know its best that hes in a better place i face the problem of being able to let him go..i dont want to be angry but i can't help it... i've taken on drugs from heroin to shrooms just to get away from it all..i've been sober for the passed year or so but i just need help or advice on how to let him go..my 3rd oldest brother also went through this stage and he told me only time to heal it but time is something i can't wait for..i just need advice on how to let him go..his memory haunts me so much that i see him walking in broad daylight.. any advice is welcomed.. Thank you
     
  2. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:15 PM
    #2
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    Honor the memory, Friend, and have faith all will be well. :( Your Brother wouldnt want you beating your self, or destroying your body.
     
  3. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:16 PM
    #3
    wildjerseyfirefighter

    wildjerseyfirefighter I sell fishing and fishing accessories

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    wow man, sorry to hear about your troubles. Probably the best thing you could do is see a therapist so at least you can talk about your problems with someone who will not judge. Since you were so young, how do you have such horrid memories of him?
     
  4. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:17 PM
    #4
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

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    RIP Lucy.
    She's gone but not forgotten.
    That's some of the best advice I've ever seen.
     
  5. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:19 PM
    #5
    moto932

    moto932 What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?

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    X2. im very sorry to hear this. i also believe you should see a professional who is trained in this area. wish you the very best.
     
  6. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:20 PM
    #6
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    thanks chris.. i'm sure he'd hate to see me now and i've been able to leave the drugs behind but the memories haunt me.. as a kid i see him and he was like my guardian guiding me and as i got older it seems as though hes my worst nightmare..
     
  7. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:22 PM
    #7
    JJ Customs

    JJ Customs Supreme Leader!

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    My sister (two years my senior) passed in a car accident on July 5th 2004. I don't think it is something I will ever fully get over however I now live my life trying to improve myself in ways that would have made her proud of the person I have become. I go through good and bad times and being away from where we grew up and shared so many memories does help however always feeling that little twitch of pain really reminds me of how great a person she was and how much worse off the world is now that she is no longer with us. For me it helped to find something do turn the horrible into something good. For instance my sister passed in a drinking and driving accident. I now speak whenever I can to help people to understand how quickly you can become the statistic, not only does it affect you but your entire family will be forever changed. Everyone has there own way of dealing with tragedies and I will admit I am much more numb towards God and religion after the fact but every time I look into my sons eyes I can't help but be thankful for the lesson my sister helped me to learn and all the times we shared. In time you will continue to heal it is all in how you deal in the mean time.
     
  8. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:22 PM
    #8
    HerNameIsLucy

    HerNameIsLucy I miss Lucy. :-(

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    RIP Lucy.
    She's gone but not forgotten.
    I don't know how long you've been a TW brother, but I'll tell you, some of the best people you're ever gonna find are here.

    Here if and when you need us. Just ask!
     
  9. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:24 PM
    #9
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    I was in the ER with him when he passed and my head toys with the images of how i remember him right before he passed..there was no blood but in my head thats all i see is distrubing images..
     
  10. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:26 PM
    #10
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    Well...Talk to him. I belive he is still with you, and probably next to you. Memories dont "Haunt". Things that happen to us, make us who we are, and you dont need to hate God, or forget your brother. OR to hate your self (by useing drugs).

    X2!
     
  11. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:26 PM
    #11
    desertdude59

    desertdude59 CRAZY 4WHEELER

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    From the Mojave desert now in Wild and Wonderful W
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    That sucks man. I lost my cousin that was like a brother to me. We were only about a year apart in age. Its funny how fast someone can be taken away. I agree with Chris4x4. I'm sure your brother wouldnt want you hurting yourself. The pain I'm sure will always be there, but remember you still have your family too. Just hang in there and keep up with staying sober.
     
  12. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:29 PM
    #12
    MLandgraf

    MLandgraf Member

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    Sorry to hear about your brother and the struggles within. Don't think that I could offer any better advice than has already been offered. I too have been through a lot of loss in my life ( 8 month old daughter to SIDS and my next child was born with Down Syndrome and died at the age of 11 months after having open heart surgery). I made the mistake of internalizing my emotions for years and woke up one day and realized that I needed to seek professional help or I would never be able to deal with it productively. If you do seek professional help be advised that you may need to sort of "shop around" until you find someone that you can connect with, as my first round was not much help. Just never give up and know that he is always in your heart and would wish the best for you.
     
  13. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:30 PM
    #13
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    You need to activley remember the good images of your Brother. Maybe consider a local support group. I know this can be hard, but talking about it is a good way to help.
     
  14. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:32 PM
    #14
    tcBob

    tcBob Gringo Bandito Moderator

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    sorry to hear...sounds like he was a role model and probably influential in your childhood. I would also suggest seeing a therapist like jersey suggested. he might help you deal with the pain so you won't have to cover it with drugs, etc.
     
  15. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:37 PM
    #15
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    Thank you guys for sharing and expressing your experiences with me..and thank you for the advice..i've shopped around for awhile lookin for a professional but they seem too judgemental..im glad to say that you guys have given more comfort than any professional has..and the groups i've been to have done nothing for me but i'm VERY thankful that you guys are so welcoming and helpful to a fellow member..i'll be sure to take in all the good advice given.. once again Thank you guys....
     
  16. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:38 PM
    #16
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    :)
     
  17. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:40 PM
    #17
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    the strange part is i know none of you personally or on a general basis but i feel as if you guys are my family..Thank you
     
  18. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:41 PM
    #18
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    And thank you for sharing with us. A bunch of good people on this site, adn about 500 at any time to lend an ear. :)
     
  19. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:44 PM
    #19
    Fienoma

    Fienoma [OP] Well-Known Member

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    lol thanks chris..i'm feeling better already. Thank you :)
     
  20. Oct 4, 2009 at 8:45 PM
    #20
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

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    Good. ;)
     
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