Tell me why this idea sucks

The brakes in my truck really suck, super spongey, even after a brake job and a good bleed. Some of you have suggested it's likely air trapped in ABS system. I understand this is realistically something the dealer needs to do because it requires a special scan tool to get the ABS valves to purge the air. I really don't want to pay the dealer for this because I'm a cheapskate and it just rewards them for creating something we can't realistically repair ourselves.

Why don't I put all four corners of the truck up on jacks tomorrow. I'll connect three of the brake lines to a bleeder bottle and leave the last one connected. I'll hop in the truck and get the wheel speed up to about 30 mph and then get on the brake just hard enough to gently stop the one wheel that still has brake line connected (the others should just free-wheel). I think this SHOULD set off ABS as it is seeing one wheel decelerate much more quickly than the others. This should force air out of the abs lines. I can do this 4 times, leaving each wheel connected during one of the runs.

I'm a bit sloshed rn, so please, someone tell me why this is a bad idea?

 

Nah, too risky with vibrations that the jacks can fail/tip.

Instead, drive down an empty lonely road and slam the brakes a few times to cycle the abs? Dirt road is even better as you can stand on the brakes a good bit. Just don't go fast or forget to secure anything not tied down, especially your tall can

 

Yeah, I thought maybe the torque reaction from "slamming" on the brakes could maybe disrupt the balance on the stands.. I figured I'd go REALLY gentle to get the wheel stopped and then ramp up the pressure to get the fluid moving.
The problem I'm having is that the brakes don't have enough clamping force to lock up wheels on dry pavement except for very sporadically and momentarily if I JOLT the brakes to disrupt balance. I don't feel like waiting till the next time it rains to get this taken care of. I realize it sounds a bit sketchy, but would simply getting the wheels spinning to 30 MPH really be a hazardous if all four corners are supported? Serious question, I wouldn't have thought that "vibrations" from balanced wheels would be substantial enough to worry about, but that's why I'm asking...

 

Aight guys, should've saved this for Friday... I know..

...buuuttttt, will it work?

 

What’s the plan for when one jack stand fails and you drop a tire onto the ground, spin off the rest of the jacks and only have one wheel with braking power for a couple seconds before the fluid blasts out the three other disconnected lines?

 

I’m not saying don’t do it, but if you do, record and post to YouTube. Link the video in this thread.
(Please don’t do any of what I described)

 

Ok, so hear me out and think about this logically. Why would it fall off the stands? Serious question. The best answer I can think of is because slamming on a brake while a wheel is spinning creates a lot of torque.. for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I did some back of the envelope calcs and believe that this could be an issue with as little as 40mph/s^2 of deceleration which is totally doable considering the speed of the entire truck is no longer correlated to the rotation of the wheel. ....BUT why do the wheels/tires have to be on at all? If all four corners are on jack stands, I can just take the dang wheels off, now there's VERY LITTLE rotational inertia, negligible torque when I hit the brakes, and little to no vibration.

I'm not trolling, I really think this could work but like many of you, I do see a possible unpleasant ending. What I'm specifically asking is HOW (by what mechanism) might I arrive at an unpleasant outcome? If I can mitigate it, I will. If I can't, I'll admit that this was a stupid drunken idea and y'all came make fun of my dumb ass.

Edit: Free-wheeling wheels would need to have wheels bolted on to keep their momentum, also might get some weird undesired affects from differential if there's very little mass on one of the "free-wheels". But the wheel with the brake line connected would definitely need to be disconnected for safety.
Clutch should be depressed with transmission in nuetral. I'f my udnerstanding of an open diff is correct, deceling one wheel while the driveshaft is powered and roatating at a constant speed will cause the other wheel to accelerate.

 

Why not just get a scan tool like the XtoolD7. I have that one and it has saved me $$ multiple times on my other vehicle enough to pay for itself. It’s under $400. It has plenty of special diagnostic functions. ABS bleed being one of them. I’ve used it to program new key fobs, reset and program TPMS sensors, put electronic e-brakes in service mode for installation of new rear brakes, run advanced diagnostics on my vehicles as well. It’s pretty handy once you learn how to use it.

 

that would be ideal, but I read an old thread recently that suggested known reasonably priced scan tools on the market would not work for my 2010 base model.

 

Contact the folks at Xtool to be sure. Ive used mine on our 2018 Buick and my old 2009 Honda Civic. Not sure on the compatibility with your 2010 Taco though.

 

Why?

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It never ends well

 

Curtail the mid week heavy drinking and then you'll have plenty of dough to work on the most important safety system in your vehicle.

Just a thought.

 

Or drink more to slow your reaction time to the point you don't need brakes.

 

That’s the way I drive. I haven’t touched the brakes since 2010. My truck has 184,000; the brakes have 400 feet on them.

 

Do it...itll be fine...

 

Come on man. That's the easy way to access the spare trick.

 

“WHY DID YOU TURN!!!???”