The Chuck Norris thread

Chuck Norris never dials the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris is incapable of having a heart attack. His heart would never be foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Behold, the first giraffe was born.
Chuck Norris was the first human to visit Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Not only can Chuck Norris walk on water -- He can swim on land.
Chuck Norris died in 1992. Death is just afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris can cut through a knife with hot butter.
When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club.
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Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight and a bet who would win. The looser had to wear his underwear on the outside.