The Useless Posts Thread

Q: Where can you go to find a good lawyer?

A: The cemetery.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a pool? Bob.

 

1. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

2. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

3. How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

4. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

Everything’s fine. He woke up.

5. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

6. Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert.

Because they’re always stuffed.

7. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

8. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

9. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

10. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

 

What do you call a woman who has one leg longer than the other? Eileen.

 

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?... Dam!

 

So a family of performers walks into a casting directors office to propose their show. The casting director asks if they can describe what it is that they do, to which they reply "we can show you!" The casting director is pleased and says "Well go ahead."

The fathers face is filled with joy as he nods to the family of 4 as they begin to take their places. The Mother, older sister and younger brother all position themselves in a classic circus pose with arms held above their heads.

The father, dressed in a 3 ring circus conductors outfit, says to the youngest " Attitude!". To which the youngest punches his older sister square in the mouth. The older sister, upon receiving this blow says "A blow for a blow." and rips off the younger brothers pants so that she can begin giving him felatio.

The mother upon seeing this begins to clap and calls to her husband "Heratio!" The husband strides over to her and promptly pulls down his pants.The wife observes his genitals and with a balled fist punches him square in them. The husband doubles over in pain as the wife removes her dress and undergarments and proceeds to defecate on the crumpled husbands back.

At this time the sister drags the brother, cock still in mouth, over to the husbands crumpled and shit covered body where he immediately ejaculates. the sister is careful to aim the stream onto her fathers dirty and pain stricken body.

The mother and daughter then embrace each other after having removed all of their clothing and begin kissing each other in the deepest manner possible as the father and son peer deeply into each others eyes.

After 10 minutes of kissing the mother and daughter collapse in a pile of twisted limbs atop the brother and husband. Finally they all stand, take two bows and proceed off stage.

The casting director waits for them to reappear and in a stunned and almost half audible voice says "wha...what in the world do you call this?"

The family joyfully replies "The Aristocrats!"

 

^^ I'm a little motor boat

 

Brrrrrrrrr brrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrrr!

 

She looks tired from carrying all that weight around.

 

God bless America