Took a second! (Them Dumb Moments) Own it!

Funny how this thread got started today, I thought our Barber moved his shop today

 

Tell them about our fucking door in the kitchen haha

 

That'll have to wait until I get a picture.

 

Last Friday. I was at Pilot fueling up the work truck. I put the nozzle in each tank and locked the handle on low flow. While I was waiting, I was cleaning the rear windows of the cab with the squeegee and I hit the nozzle with the squeegee pole and it came out of the tank and soaked me. 2 shirts, pants, underwear and boots were soaked. Bad day.

edit: my wife gave me a garbage bag and told me to put everything in it and throw them away. Screw that, I’m not throwing away my lucky pants.

 

I was trying to diagnose a malfunctioning pool heater many years ago.
I open up the cabinet and turn the heat up so it can go through the firing sequence.... yet nothing happens. I stand up and go turn the time clock off.... as I do this, I begin to hear a loud hissing noise coming from the appliance. I get back down and stick my face in the cabinet to listen and pin point the noise. About that time... I realize the gas valve is wide open spewing gas into the box..... next thing I see is the little blue flame from the pilot light.
You may see where this is going......
Next thing I know, poof, boom, oh shit!
Yup, the gas ignited and I lost half a mustache and goat tee. <--- and was about that red.

 

Ever end a phone call at work with "Love ya, bye!"

 

Hotel Clerk: Enjoy your stay!
Me: You too!

Waiter: Enjoy your dinner.
Me: You too!

Customer: See you next week. Enjoy your vacation in Lower Tibia!
Me: You too!

 

10 minutes ago.....
Bought a new can of WD40 just because I needed the little red spray nozzle thingy. Come home, peel tape and spray nozzle off...throw it all in the trash. My wife cleaned out fridge before she went to work so trash can is.....icky.
Forget the damn nozzle, I'm going full spray!

 

I usually put my left leg in my panties first... today my right leg beat my left leg.....

 

Alright, I'll play.

Monday morning was our first day home from a trip to DC that beat the crap out of me, so of course the first thing I do is go to make some sweet sweet Wawa coffee that I picked up while in our nation's capital. For whatever dumbass reason the water overflowed the machine while I was filling it, so I poured it out and tried again. It was only on the second attempt that I figured out I was filling up the single serve reservoir instead of the reservoir for the carafe.

Until today I was the only one that knew about this act of dumbassery, so help me keep this secret safe, Tacomaworld.

 

At my old job people would blind transfer phone calls but it always just showed the persons name who was transferring.

One time I saw my coworkers name show up on the caller ID; I picked up the phone and said “sup fucker?!?”....it was the president of the company on the line who my coworker had transferred over to me without yelling to me and saying he was sending a phone call to my desk. Whoops.

 

when working on shit I spend more time looking for the tools I place in obscure places than actually working on shit.

 

/dead

 

I can spend up to half hour looking for a tool I just set down.

 

I always know where my tool is!

 

The wife's purse.

 

But I know where it is!

 

Down at the bottom with the "grandma unwrapped, sticky, expired candy and gum"

 

Getting squashed by a bottle of Geritol.

 

I end every conversation with my wife and kids with “I love you”. I talk to the kids every day snd my wife about 50 times so it’s inevitable that it will slip out sooner or later. I said it to my former boss. He came right back with, “I Love you too, babe”.