1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

Tool definitions

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by chris4x4, Nov 4, 2008.

  1. Nov 4, 2008 at 3:53 PM
    #1
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6497
    Messages:
    106,192
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    FlimFlubberJAM
    Tenoe, AZ
    Vehicle:
    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    Tool definitions



    Anyone that has used tools will appreciate this.
    enjoy
    DRILL PRESS:
    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''What the...??''
    ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
    SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
    EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
    E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
    CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
    AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
    MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.
    DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ''DAMMIT'' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
    __________________

    Some more:

    Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

    Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

    Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.

    Grease Gun: A messy tool for checking to see if your zerk fittings are still plugged with rust.

    Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

    WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
     
  2. Nov 4, 2008 at 3:54 PM
    #2
    tacomaman06

    tacomaman06 Carolina Alliance: Enforcer

    Joined:
    May 1, 2007
    Member:
    #1475
    Messages:
    26,258
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Will
    York,South Carolina
    Vehicle:
    '16 Tundra TRD Pro
    getting there....
    priceless!!!!!:D and oh so true!!
     
  3. Nov 4, 2008 at 4:09 PM
    #3
    stucksucksnayota

    stucksucksnayota Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2007
    Member:
    #2863
    Messages:
    623
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Barry
    Fort Smith, Arkansas
    Vehicle:
    14 Taco 4x4 TRD Sport DCSB
    OEM roof rack, Shorty antenna (eBay), soft tonneau cover, K&N drop in air filter, bed mat, interior LED lights, 5100's, MT tires to come soon!!!
    LMAO thats great
     
  4. Nov 4, 2008 at 5:37 PM
    #4
    Toy4Life

    Toy4Life 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2007
    Member:
    #2566
    Messages:
    4,970
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chad
    Slippery Rock, PA
    Vehicle:
    96 Subaru Outback 2.2 5mt
    92 4Runner SR5 3.0v6 4x4(sold) 02 Tacoma SR5 TRD Offroad 4x4 (sold)
    Lol! Yeah, The dammit tool get's alot of use in my garage.
     
  5. Nov 4, 2008 at 5:44 PM
    #5
    concrete jedi

    concrete jedi Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2007
    Member:
    #3142
    Messages:
    2,741
    Rochester N.Y
    Vehicle:
    06 Tacoma 4 door indigo blue
    Broken and scratched tailgate, cracked rear tail light lens, coffee stain in driver seat.
    :eek: OMG ! I am crying, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, Thanks. :thumbsup:
     
  6. Nov 4, 2008 at 5:49 PM
    #6
    -TRDMAN-

    -TRDMAN- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Member:
    #514
    Messages:
    2,201
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Clarion Pa
    Vehicle:
    F-150
    Sooooooooooooo true!!!!! +1
     
  7. Nov 4, 2008 at 5:59 PM
    #7
    Khaos

    Khaos Big Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Member:
    #4570
    Messages:
    6,495
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Bryant
    Tallahassee FL
    Vehicle:
    2005 Prerunner TRD Off Road
    265/75/16 BFG A/T, 18" Magnaflow, K&N Intake Filter, Ultra-Gauge, Kobalt Toolbox, Metal Tail Light Guards, Cobra 19 and 4ft fiberglass antenna, Plasti dipped Badges/lower valance/rear bumper/grill/bullbar/ac controls, black DIN kit, JVC KD-X40, Wet Suit Seat Covers
    My garage is the same way.
     
  8. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:00 PM
    #8
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6497
    Messages:
    106,192
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    FlimFlubberJAM
    Tenoe, AZ
    Vehicle:
    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    I have many Dammit tools. I even found one on my roof from a project a couple years back. :eek:
     
  9. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:07 PM
    #9
    TacoNut

    TacoNut IgnoringChrisWatchingEdLi veVicariouslyThroughMJP2

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2008
    Member:
    #5597
    Messages:
    5,243
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    Denver, Co
    Vehicle:
    16 TRD OR DCSB Quicksand
    SOOO TRUE
    lmao

    unfortunately for those around me my most common "damnit tool" is a very large pickle fork :D
     
  10. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:09 PM
    #10
    JimBeam

    JimBeam BECAUSE INTERNETS!! Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Member:
    #5966
    Messages:
    41,927
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    JB
    Vehicle:
    2014 DCSB TRD 4x4
    cliff notes

    Any tool in the garage = tool with which Chris will inevitably hurt himself with
     
  11. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:10 PM
    #11
    RelentlessFab

    RelentlessFab Tacoma offroad armor fabricating beast Vendor

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2008
    Member:
    #4772
    Messages:
    14,195
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Eric
    Eastern side of the Sierras: Sparks, NV
    Vehicle:
    07 SR5 4x4> 03 SR5 4x4 total> 14 Crewmax TRD
    Had tons on the old Taco's.... new Tundra is pretty stock
    yep, those about sum up the uses of common tools, you forgot one though:
    Metric allen wrenches. used to strip out standard sized allen screws; also sometimes used as the Dammit Tool when you realize you really need a torx head wrench instead....
     
  12. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:13 PM
    #12
    TacoNut

    TacoNut IgnoringChrisWatchingEdLi veVicariouslyThroughMJP2

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2008
    Member:
    #5597
    Messages:
    5,243
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Adam
    Denver, Co
    Vehicle:
    16 TRD OR DCSB Quicksand
    Don't forget sending little bits of wire a half inch into the back of who every is behind you :D
     
  13. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:20 PM
    #13
    RoyB

    RoyB Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Member:
    #9708
    Messages:
    1,646
    Gender:
    Male
    Chicago burbs
    Vehicle:
    '09 TRD DC Sport
    I love it!
     
  14. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:22 PM
    #14
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6497
    Messages:
    106,192
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    FlimFlubberJAM
    Tenoe, AZ
    Vehicle:
    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    This is NOT true! I have yet to hurt myself with my sockets......I think.....:eek:
     
  15. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:22 PM
    #15
    eordonez

    eordonez Living vicariously through mjp2

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Member:
    #5340
    Messages:
    8,341
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ed
    Chihuahua, Mexico
    Vehicle:
    TRD Sport Dcab 4x2 Black Sand Pearl
    OEM All Weather Mats, wheel locks, Toyota Silver Tube steps.....
    Tool= ND
     
  16. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:23 PM
    #16
    RoyB

    RoyB Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Member:
    #9708
    Messages:
    1,646
    Gender:
    Male
    Chicago burbs
    Vehicle:
    '09 TRD DC Sport
    what about when they fall off the ratchet and you have to fetch them in places where your arms get stuck on the way back up.
     
  17. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:23 PM
    #17
    itsmyturn

    itsmyturn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2008
    Member:
    #5502
    Messages:
    414
    Gender:
    Male
    Victorville, CA
    Vehicle:
    08 dbl cab TRD sport
    afe Pro-Dry S dropin, Readylift leveling kit, TRD skid plate, Alpine CDA-9887, 6K D2S HID
    that was the funniest thing i've read in a while! thanks.:rofl::rofl:
     
  18. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:24 PM
    #18
    chris4x4

    chris4x4 [OP] With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Member:
    #6497
    Messages:
    106,192
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    FlimFlubberJAM
    Tenoe, AZ
    Vehicle:
    2013 Rubicon Unlimited,
    4.10 gears, sliders, and lots of buttons.
    lmao!!
     
  19. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:25 PM
    #19
    -TRDMAN-

    -TRDMAN- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Member:
    #514
    Messages:
    2,201
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Greg
    Clarion Pa
    Vehicle:
    F-150
    OR FALL AND HIT YOU RIGHT ON THE F*****g HEAD!!!
     
  20. Nov 4, 2008 at 6:26 PM
    #20
    Toy4Life

    Toy4Life 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2007
    Member:
    #2566
    Messages:
    4,970
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Chad
    Slippery Rock, PA
    Vehicle:
    96 Subaru Outback 2.2 5mt
    92 4Runner SR5 3.0v6 4x4(sold) 02 Tacoma SR5 TRD Offroad 4x4 (sold)
    or when you brake a bolt free only to leave several ounces of knuckles behind.....ouch.
     
To Top