Urban warrior bumpers?

I see so many cool off-road aftermarket bumpers. I live in town, I drive around town, I'm more likely to lower my pickup than raise it. I would like an appropriate urban bumper -- the kind of bumper where I don't worry about the next idiot that runs into me while parallel parking.

I'm going to be redoing my stock painted bumpers this coming summer. I could just powder coat the stock blades in the original dark silver color. A nice 2wd inspired aftermarket bumper designed for the 5-lug Urban assault mindset would be worth dropping extra coin. Do you know of anything that fits?

 

I would look in the 5-lug forum. We're mostly 6 lug dweebs that hang out in this forum.

The 5-lugs are pretty similar to the 6 lugs as far as the frames, so they'll probably mount up similarly, but the fenders are different so I'm not sure how the bumpers would line up.

Not not sure I see too many lowered trucks with big steel bumpers on them...

 

I'm trying to imagine what an "urban assult" bumper would look like and this is what I came up: these are called bash bars, mainly used on drift cars.

 

LOL, well that is one interpretation but not what I had in mind.

I was thinking about the purpose of the 4x4 bumpers. They often improve leading and trailing ground clearance, provide a place to attach a strong skid plate, sometimes a place to mount a winch, act as a brush guard, protect larger off-road tires, protect the radiator, and sometimes provide a place for more lights that would be legal on the street.

Then I wondered about a street version. I haven't seen such a thing so I don't know what it would look like, but I have a vision of the purpose. This bumper protects you from idiots who parallel park by feel, from low speed rear enders caused by texting drivers, they shield the license plates and lights attached to them. In general, something tough enough that your only problem after city speed driving encounter is repainting your bumper. They would likely extend pretty low, more like stock bumpers, so they protect you from cars, sports cars, and compact SUVs. Don't want idiots diving under you and damaging the undercarriage. Perhaps they can add a little scare factor so cutting you off seems like a bad idea. Oh, and an excuse to spend money on the Tacoma.

 

For your purpose, you're going to have to go custom.

If everyone was paranoid enough to need 'armor' all around their car, they'd be too paranoid to own even certain cars IE their Porsche, McLaren, etc.

Then again, you've got people just as paranoid about getting their Miata tapped and door dinged

 

How much are you going to spend on custom or semi custom bumpers, compared to an insurance deductable?

As @Kwikvette said, if you’re afraid of damaging your truck, maybe it’s best not to drive it.

Big steel bumpers can actually cause more harm than good. Instead of a crumpled bumper and fender, you could get a bent frame. Crumpling takes up energy, and when a big steel bumper doesn’t crumple, something else will.

 

But living in a city also ups the chances of a collision even when you're not driving it. The OP is right about the threat of knuckleheads hitting you while parked, my first car was nearly totaled by a pickup truck that rolled down a hill because the driver forgot to set the parking brake.

Every year I lived in a city I saw my insurance rates climb despite driving less and having a clean record, and this was just because collisions are statistically more likely no matter how much you drive. Once I moved to the country I saw my insurance rates get cut in half for the same vehicles.

My suggestion is that you can always try changing your living situation rather than trying to stay a step ahead of bad drivers, and it will probably wind up being far cheaper than fighting a constant battle against stupidity. Just try dividing your insurance premiums in half and then count how many replacement bumpers you could buy with the savings.