Ways to answer the Phone.

1 - City Morgue, You kill em, we chill em.
2- "Bob's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!"
3- "911 - What is your emergency?"
4- Hello, please state your name, address, and credit card number.
5- Roadkill Caf�! You kill it, we grill it
6- Hello Clarice
7- "Miller's Amish farm. Sorry, we don't have a phone." *click*
8- Ask "Is this being recorded?"
9- Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks !!!
10-This is Microsoft; where do you want to go today?

11 State your last name (most Europeans do this, and it makes sense)
12 -The number you have dialed has been disconnected...
13 - "I've got the money, just let her go, she's been through enough."
14 - "Phone tag, you're it."
15 - You are the weakest link. Goodbye
16 - "Hello? OH NO! the voices are back again!"
17 - "Florida abortion clinic, No fetus can beat us, how may i direct your call"
18 - hello, this is the suicide hotline.. please hold
19 - If the person says hello fisrt scream 'Who sent You?!'
20 - Wong's Laundry; if it has to be white, it has to be Wong!

21 - say very panicky "send someone in with the money and no one gets hurt!"
22 - Joe's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
23 - "Your gonna be my new phone buddy"
24 - "Hello Johnny? i told you to dump the body! now hurry up before we get caught!"
25 - Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em.
26 - House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you?
27 - I told you not to call when my wife's home...
28 - we/re sorry the person you are calling is dead
29 - Sorry, she's dead. Can I have her call you back?
30 - "Your soul is mine"

31 - if it's female: "oooooh! it's a lady!"
32 - Moo?
33 - "You started it."
34 - henry's hen-house, what chick you wanna talk to?
35 - I'd like to order a pizza. (Calvin and Hobbes)
36 - in perverted voice: Hello Kiddies
37 - Make the "beeep beeep beeep" busy tone noises and hang up
38- Thanks for calling Plan Parenthood...Press one for your girlfriends results
40 - "Hello, i'm a secret agent... oops, i have to kill you now"

41 - suicide assistors, we help you do what you dont have the guts for
42 - "Hello?" *BANG* "I've been shot..." *click*
43 - Hello This is the office for insane induviduals
44 - "Dartford swmming pool. No jumping, shouting or piddling in the shallow end
45 - no ones home
46 - *burp*
47 - Speak in a made-up language.
48 - "Hi is Dave there?" See if they say "you have the wrong number" and hand up.
49 - National Secure Data Center. You're on scramble line six. GO!
50 - at the tone, the time will be 12:47 in Hong Kong

51 - Reding Taxidermy"You snuff we stuff em!"
52 - The Force Is Strong With This One
53 - Twat did you say? I c_nt hear you. It muft have been something you spread...
54 - You will die in seven days... until then would you like to buy cable TV?
55 - My mom keeps her removed warts in jars under our kitchen sink...wanna see?
56 - House of beauties, this is the cutie.
57 - "Hello? this is the office of Osama Bin Laden... how can i help you?"
58 - Federal Bureau of Investigation tips line, this call has been traced
59 - santa?i wanna(watever u want)
60 -what's your favorite scary movie?

62 - Bob There?
63 - constipation inialation...are you running low on exlax?
64 - Sorry I'm dead right now. Talk to you later
65 - this is heaven, hello
66 - [last name]'scold storage you stab 'em we slab 'em
67 - Can you hold on a sec? [Leave on indefinite hold]
68 - "Hello, Jimmy's Chicken Shack. Please hold..."
69 - Thank you for calling AT&T. Please listen to the following options and...
70 - You have reached 555-1234. This number has been changed to
555-1234.
71 - For the nuclear terrorism department, please press 1.
72 - Pizza Hut Tokyo, how may we help you
73 - [name]ice cream shop home of the 30scoop sunday where you splurg then purge

74 - "what are you wearin'?" (while breathing heavily)
75 - Burger King, home of the Whopper, what's your beef?
76 - Hello China moon
77 -Tex's Taxidermy, You Snuff 'Em, We Stuff 'Em
78 - Hey yall wutcha gunna say?.. who is this talkin to alex 2day?
79 - hello "pause" hello "pause" etc
80 - Do you have the item?
81 - hair control if you have hair we've got nair
82 - Red Chinese Embassy and Delicatessen switchboard, how may I direct your call?
83 - You are on a restricted CIA phone line! Get off now!
84 - "County Morgue. You stab 'em, we bag 'em."
85 - "I'm waaatching you" evil laugh, click.
86 - Fish market. Shark speaking.
87 - To learn the facts about hair replacement, press 1
88 - "Hi." ... "Hi." ... "Hi." ... [repeat as needed]
89 - Play AOL welcome sound
90 - speak!
91 - You Rang?
92 - (last name) deli, nobody can beat our meat.
93 - if your a salesman hang up
94 - Jello
95 - "Switchboard" Refuse to do anything until they give "correct password"
96 - bates motel.
97 - kill her. that's all you have to do.
98 - Mommy?
99 - house of the lord god speaking
100 - Blow a whistle into the telephone

This was brought up because I have recently been receiving phone calls from a Private number. They seem to be kids and harmless so I've been playing along. Needed some ideas and found these so I started a thread.

Feel free to add in some of your own.

 

I generally answer the phone "House of Insanity, Warden Speaking."

 

Sub'd

 

Scanned through but didn't see it. My personal favorite: "Bobs abortion shack; you make it we scrape it."

 

You rape'em we scrape'em

Sugar Dick Daddy with the Candy Nuts

 

LMAO!! I love this one haha

 

"Hello"

 

1. Boiler room.
2. City morgue; you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

 

^My absolute favorite, been using it for years.

(Long One)
Psychiatric Hot line

- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
- If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.
- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
- If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
- If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up

 

*phone rings*
Me: *I answer* "Hello is Steven there?"
Person: "wuh, I err.., I called you"
Me: "Yeah, I'd like to know if Steven's there please?"
Person: "No, this is--"
Me: "Oh? Steven's not there? Ok, sorry, it must be a wrong number."
*hangs up*

 

Hello

 

"Boats and hos"

 

Dave's Discount Dildo's