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Ways to answer the Phone.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by luk8272, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:03 PM
    #1
    luk8272

    luk8272 [OP] Poodoo

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    1 - City Morgue, You kill em, we chill em.
    2- "Bob's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!"
    3- "911 - What is your emergency?"
    4- Hello, please state your name, address, and credit card number.
    5- Roadkill Caf�! You kill it, we grill it
    6- Hello Clarice
    7- "Miller's Amish farm. Sorry, we don't have a phone." *click*
    8- Ask "Is this being recorded?"
    9- Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks !!!
    10-This is Microsoft; where do you want to go today?

    11 State your last name (most Europeans do this, and it makes sense)
    12 -The number you have dialed has been disconnected...
    13 - "I've got the money, just let her go, she's been through enough."
    14 - "Phone tag, you're it."
    15 - You are the weakest link. Goodbye
    16 - "Hello? OH NO! the voices are back again!"
    17 - "Florida abortion clinic, No fetus can beat us, how may i direct your call"
    18 - hello, this is the suicide hotline.. please hold
    19 - If the person says hello fisrt scream 'Who sent You?!'
    20 - Wong's Laundry; if it has to be white, it has to be Wong!

    21 - say very panicky "send someone in with the money and no one gets hurt!"
    22 - Joe's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
    23 - "Your gonna be my new phone buddy"
    24 - "Hello Johnny? i told you to dump the body! now hurry up before we get caught!"
    25 - Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em.
    26 - House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you?
    27 - I told you not to call when my wife's home...
    28 - we/re sorry the person you are calling is dead
    29 - Sorry, she's dead. Can I have her call you back?
    30 - "Your soul is mine"

    31 - if it's female: "oooooh! it's a lady!"
    32 - Moo?
    33 - "You started it."
    34 - henry's hen-house, what chick you wanna talk to?
    35 - I'd like to order a pizza. (Calvin and Hobbes)
    36 - in perverted voice: Hello Kiddies
    37 - Make the "beeep beeep beeep" busy tone noises and hang up
    38- Thanks for calling Plan Parenthood...Press one for your girlfriends results
    40 - "Hello, i'm a secret agent... oops, i have to kill you now"

    41 - suicide assistors, we help you do what you dont have the guts for
    42 - "Hello?" *BANG* "I've been shot..." *click*
    43 - Hello This is the office for insane induviduals
    44 - "Dartford swmming pool. No jumping, shouting or piddling in the shallow end
    45 - no ones home
    46 - *burp*
    47 - Speak in a made-up language.
    48 - "Hi is Dave there?" See if they say "you have the wrong number" and hand up.
    49 - National Secure Data Center. You're on scramble line six. GO!
    50 - at the tone, the time will be 12:47 in Hong Kong

    51 - Reding Taxidermy"You snuff we stuff em!"
    52 - The Force Is Strong With This One
    53 - Twat did you say? I c_nt hear you. It muft have been something you spread...
    54 - You will die in seven days... until then would you like to buy cable TV?
    55 - My mom keeps her removed warts in jars under our kitchen sink...wanna see?
    56 - House of beauties, this is the cutie.
    57 - "Hello? this is the office of Osama Bin Laden... how can i help you?"
    58 - Federal Bureau of Investigation tips line, this call has been traced
    59 - santa?i wanna(watever u want)
    60 -what's your favorite scary movie?

    62 - Bob There?
    63 - constipation inialation...are you running low on exlax?
    64 - Sorry I'm dead right now. Talk to you later
    65 - this is heaven, hello
    66 - [last name]'scold storage you stab 'em we slab 'em
    67 - Can you hold on a sec? [Leave on indefinite hold]
    68 - "Hello, Jimmy's Chicken Shack. Please hold..."
    69 - Thank you for calling AT&T. Please listen to the following options and...
    70 - You have reached 555-1234. This number has been changed to
    555-1234.
    71 - For the nuclear terrorism department, please press 1.
    72 - Pizza Hut Tokyo, how may we help you
    73 - [name]ice cream shop home of the 30scoop sunday where you splurg then purge

    74 - "what are you wearin'?" (while breathing heavily)
    75 - Burger King, home of the Whopper, what's your beef?
    76 - Hello China moon
    77 -Tex's Taxidermy, You Snuff 'Em, We Stuff 'Em
    78 - Hey yall wutcha gunna say?.. who is this talkin to alex 2day?
    79 - hello "pause" hello "pause" etc
    80 - Do you have the item?
    81 - hair control if you have hair we've got nair
    82 - Red Chinese Embassy and Delicatessen switchboard, how may I direct your call?
    83 - You are on a restricted CIA phone line! Get off now!
    84 - "County Morgue. You stab 'em, we bag 'em."
    85 - "I'm waaatching you" evil laugh, click.
    86 - Fish market. Shark speaking.
    87 - To learn the facts about hair replacement, press 1
    88 - "Hi." ... "Hi." ... "Hi." ... [repeat as needed]
    89 - Play AOL welcome sound
    90 - speak!
    91 - You Rang?
    92 - (last name) deli, nobody can beat our meat.
    93 - if your a salesman hang up
    94 - Jello
    95 - "Switchboard" Refuse to do anything until they give "correct password"
    96 - bates motel.
    97 - kill her. that's all you have to do.
    98 - Mommy?
    99 - house of the lord god speaking
    100 - Blow a whistle into the telephone

    This was brought up because I have recently been receiving phone calls from a Private number. They seem to be kids and harmless so I've been playing along. Needed some ideas and found these so I started a thread.

    Feel free to add in some of your own.
     
  2. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:05 PM
    #2
    Krazie Sj

    Krazie Sj Resident Jackass

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    I generally answer the phone "House of Insanity, Warden Speaking."
     
  3. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:08 PM
    #3
    1bad10tacoma

    1bad10tacoma Well-Known Member

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  4. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:09 PM
    #4
    BEEFY_CHEESY_TACO

    BEEFY_CHEESY_TACO DUDE MAN BRO

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    Scanned through but didn't see it. My personal favorite: "Bobs abortion shack; you make it we scrape it."
     
  5. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:14 PM
    #5
    luk8272

    luk8272 [OP] Poodoo

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    You rape'em we scrape'em

    Sugar Dick Daddy with the Candy Nuts
     
  6. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:16 PM
    #6
    BEEFY_CHEESY_TACO

    BEEFY_CHEESY_TACO DUDE MAN BRO

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    LMAO!! I love this one haha
     
  7. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:17 PM
    #7
    JDMcQ

    JDMcQ Well-Known Member

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    "Hello"
     
  8. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:21 PM
    #8
    Steves104x4

    Steves104x4 Well-Known Member

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    BUCKLE UP! It makes it harder for Aliens to pull you out of your Truck.
    1. Boiler room.
    2. City morgue; you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
     
  9. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:27 PM
    #9
    luk8272

    luk8272 [OP] Poodoo

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    ^My absolute favorite, been using it for years.

    (Long One)
    Psychiatric Hot line

    - If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
    - If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
    - If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
    - If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
    - If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
    - If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
    - If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
    - If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.
    - If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
    - If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
    - If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
    - If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep.
    - If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    - If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
    - If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
    - If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up
     
  10. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:31 PM
    #10
    luk8272

    luk8272 [OP] Poodoo

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    *phone rings*
    Me: *I answer* "Hello is Steven there?"
    Person: "wuh, I err.., I called you"
    Me: "Yeah, I'd like to know if Steven's there please?"
    Person: "No, this is--"
    Me: "Oh? Steven's not there? Ok, sorry, it must be a wrong number."
    *hangs up*
     
  11. Feb 19, 2012 at 7:44 PM
    #11
    Tigahshark

    Tigahshark Senior NEWBIE

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  12. Feb 19, 2012 at 8:03 PM
    #12
    Nirvana

    Nirvana What's my motivation?

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    "Boats and hos"
     
  13. Feb 19, 2012 at 8:07 PM
    #13
    jtav2002

    jtav2002 Kenny Fuckin Powers

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