1. Welcome to Tacoma World!

    You are currently viewing as a guest! To get full-access, you need to register for a FREE account.

    As a registered member, you’ll be able to:
    • Participate in all Tacoma discussion topics
    • Communicate privately with other Tacoma owners from around the world
    • Post your own photos in our Members Gallery
    • Access all special features of the site

what the F ????

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by pat's taco, Jan 11, 2009.

  1. Jan 11, 2009 at 12:08 AM
    #1
    pat's taco

    pat's taco [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Member:
    #4704
    Messages:
    1,783
    Gender:
    Male
    Alabama
    Vehicle:
    2013 XSP-X DC
    Weathertech, ECG Fabrication retro grille, K&N intake, Magna flow dual, UWS low profile toolbox, NFAB & 30" light bar bumper, Spidertrax. 1.25, Mob Amour, XSP-X package
    so here is the deal. i'm married, but not truley happy. i love my wife but i feel that our connection is not there anymore. i'm not cheating or anything i just don't think that it's a happy marriage. i have been with this person since 2000 pretty much and we just got married last april, nothing has changed and i feel a little pressured into marriage. i don't hate or dislike anything about my wife. i just feel that we are different people now and want different things out of life. i'm very confused and i'm not sure if i should even bring this up here, but i don't feel like i can bring this up with my friends here..... am i just over reacting? i s this a part of marrage or what? i'm at the most confused stage of my life that i have ever been ever. i feel like we got married just because we are comfortable with each other . i don't know any more . any advice? is it just jitters or what ?
     
  2. Jan 11, 2009 at 12:12 AM
    #2
    oldtacomaguy

    oldtacomaguy four forty four

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    Member:
    #444
    Messages:
    10,032
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Dave
    SE Conn.
    Vehicle:
    08 SR-5 4WD Impulse Red Pearl
    Alpine deck and amp, Polk speakers front and rear, Kenwood subwoofer, windows tinted to 20%, Sockmonkey decals, TSB, Eibach springs and Bilstein 5100's
    I really have no real advice except to say that if you are truly comfortable with each other, and are best friends, everything is OK. Good luck.
     
  3. Jan 11, 2009 at 12:18 AM
    #3
    pat's taco

    pat's taco [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Member:
    #4704
    Messages:
    1,783
    Gender:
    Male
    Alabama
    Vehicle:
    2013 XSP-X DC
    Weathertech, ECG Fabrication retro grille, K&N intake, Magna flow dual, UWS low profile toolbox, NFAB & 30" light bar bumper, Spidertrax. 1.25, Mob Amour, XSP-X package
    i know. right friends, but is it suppose to be more than just being comfortable with each other. like i said we both have different dreams and i don't think that they really match up to well . i just lets say .....mmmm. don't want to disappoint her or anything. or be the wrong thing for her as well .. like i said i'm very confused
     
  4. Jan 11, 2009 at 12:38 AM
    #4
    brianr

    brianr go shit in your hat

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2008
    Member:
    #10289
    Messages:
    9,885
    Gender:
    Male
    Vehicle:
    2010 4x4
    BUILT, not bought...
    what makes you feel as though you were pressured?

    did she ask you to marry her? or were you pressured into asking her by some actions she may have conciously, or sub-conciously done?

    I would have to say that not everyones dreams can be exactly alike...I dont have the marriage experiance, but I have seen my parents go through life, and they have not divorced. Have you had any dialogue with your wife about your feelings? Maybe she feels the same way now? I wouldnt go out and be blunt about quite yet, but maybe subtle questions.

    mabe its just time to say "goodbye ruby tuesday".

    (dont take that as being a total rain on your parade, I'm just taking some things into consideration that I learned while talking to my best friend who is currently going through a divorce).
     
  5. Jan 11, 2009 at 12:46 AM
    #5
    05 X-Runner

    05 X-Runner Murdered X

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2008
    Member:
    #5880
    Messages:
    2,728
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Brett
    Napa, Nor-Cal. Whine Country U.S.A
    Vehicle:
    BSP 05 X-Runner, 07 TRD Sport Super White
    HVM C/F X-Runner badge 1 of 6 made,P/C'ed black rims,Blacked out Billet Grill,BLHM,HID's,Tinted tail covers, Fog light mod,BFLM,C2C Black eyelids,,C2C 1.75" Front drop 2" rear,C2C Hoodstruts,URD Shortshifter,URD T-CAI.Custom Coupe shiftball, NST Manifold Spacer.. 07 TRD Sport Super White,De-badged,White headlight Mod,Fog light mod,White tail light mod,C2C white eyelids, C2C hood struts
    I met my wife when i was 27 and she was 19, we dated for 3 years before we tied the knot, That was 21 years ago ( we've been together for 24 years ) im 51 and shes 43 now, and we are very comfortable and she is still my best friend. Yeah thing do change after you get married you just got to think of things to keep it exciting :D

    What kind of connection are you talking about ? If you felt pressured into getting married then you shouldnt have done it, you dont get married just to make someone else happy you do it cuz you love eachother.

    Take a look at the big picture and you both should sit down and talk about what you both want.. And if its not to YOUR liking then split and be happy
     
  6. Jan 11, 2009 at 2:22 AM
    #6
    CheeseWithTaco

    CheeseWithTaco Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2008
    Member:
    #11680
    Messages:
    336
    Gender:
    Male
    Tucson, Az
    Vehicle:
    02 PreRun DubCab Lunar
    grrr...
    nice score man! picking up a teenager. :p

    in the usa, marragie has NOTHING to do with love, its just a piece of paper for a man and a women to fill thier taxes together. (im pro gay marrige)


    i think its called the "the seven year ich" for a reason. dude sometimes you just gotta roll with life, and no question it or doubt it. do you honestly think you can find a better wife? i seriously doubt that. as long as you dont cheat, or have any serious impulse to cheat, you are fine. might me a mid life crisis also. like on that movie "american beauty" you started smoking pot lately?
     
  7. Jan 11, 2009 at 4:45 AM
    #7
    longbow

    longbow I see you now..................

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2008
    Member:
    #7586
    Messages:
    4,041
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Bill
    Indiana
    Vehicle:
    05 Tacoma Silver Mica TRD 4 Door
    Toy-tec Coil over lift, Eibach 700 lb springs, Sway bar relocate, Total Chaos UCA's, Moto metal wheels, BFG mudterrians, HID, custom 3 piece grill, Highlift jack w/custom mount, Highlift jack cover, bed matt, de-badged 100%, storage box lock mod, using defrost w/o AC mod, short antenna mod, horn re-locate, Tire Gate flat spare tire mount, engine cover painted, bed light (1) mod, wreck bar carrier, Blue Sea 5026 fuse block, center console outlet, flash light mod, Blue Sea inline fuse, Shrockworks sliders, All-Pro front bumper, Piaa 510 driving lights, Warn shackles front, Kennesaw rear bumper, "Tag Boltz" plate lights, Warn shackles rear, Warn M8000 winch, devil horns, BHLM, weathech liners front and rear.....T.W. sticker of course. Custom Sock bed decal for Michele
    I think you need to find out what the root of the problem is, and then address it. Being comfortable with someone is a big thing and it covers more than one area. It is one thing to stand butt naked beside each other in the daylight, but it is another thing to sit down and TOTALLY open up to each other.
    My wife and I are totally two different people, our dreams are different, and I don't think they will ever be the same exact. We have things we share (dreams) for our family and girls. But as for work, money, position in this world we are not the same.
    I think for you to try and make it right, you yourself must first be right with yourself, not that there is a wrong, but you need to check yourself. It is easy to go after issues good or bad with someone else, but when it comes to looking at ourselves, it is that last thing that crosses our minds.
    Being married is tough, and takes alot of work for the two people to be happy. There is alot of ups and downs, if you now feel like you were pressured, where did it come from.
    I have spent many a days sitting against a tree in the wood for hours pondering what is what, trying to figure things out, what the next move is. And for me it is just a case of sitting down with my wife, with nothing from the outside bothering us and talk.
    Be open, don't get mad or upset (check yourself). And see where it goes.
    Best of Luck..............Bill
     
  8. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:06 AM
    #8
    SnoBoarder

    SnoBoarder Hardcore wheeler, try and keep up.... if you can.

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Member:
    #10455
    Messages:
    189
    Gender:
    Male
    Lost
    Vehicle:
    85 4Runner - Built not Bought
    Sorry to hear about your worries and I've been through exactly what you are describing. I'm divorced but now happily with another woman. It is common to fall out of love and get stuck in the day to day drone of life, and drift apart and that is sad. But what is uncommon is to see these signs and find a way to get unstuck. All I can say is that IMHO, having common interests and doing things together is very important. For example, we go out for date night every other Friday night, alone or with friends sometimes. We both enjoy similar activities like biking and skiing (she skis, I board.) We love to travel and every summer we try to take an exotic vacation alone, and we do a family vacation witht he kids separately. She tolerates my truck addiction and I tolerate her shopping addiction. :) I help her and she helps me at the house, so neither of us ever feels like those daily household duties are our sole responsibility, like cooking and cleaning and laundry, and those duties are never taken for granted. We both work together at keeping the relationship alive.
     
  9. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:11 AM
    #9
    KMN-BLU

    KMN-BLU less work/more play

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Member:
    #12021
    Messages:
    1,063
    Gender:
    Male
    Destin, Fl
    Vehicle:
    2016 Limited DCSB 4x4 Blazing Blue
    Bottom Line: People change. Our wants and needs change as we grow in life. Our priorities evolve as we mature. People grow apart everyday. Its simply a natural fact. The challenge is marriage. You have to do things together that you both enjoy, you have to both stay engaged in each others lives.

    Marriage is tough and its not as simple as locking the door behind you each night. However, I am one to believe that if you are not still growing together, you are not both still on that journey to nirvana, If you dont wake up and feel the love immediately for that person, then why allow it to eat at you and be unhappy. This unhappiness will grow until you eventually blame the other person for you not being happy. (hence you already feeling you were pressured). You can seek counciling , you can turn the other cheek, you can suck it up and deal with it OR you can deal with the fact that you may have grown apart and move on to happier pastures.

    I would pursue every avenue to get that tingle back in your heart but if it aint a lifetime commitment in your mind and soul then i say punch out now and go be happy. Life is really a short journey.
     
  10. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:31 AM
    #10
    pat's taco

    pat's taco [OP] Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Member:
    #4704
    Messages:
    1,783
    Gender:
    Male
    Alabama
    Vehicle:
    2013 XSP-X DC
    Weathertech, ECG Fabrication retro grille, K&N intake, Magna flow dual, UWS low profile toolbox, NFAB & 30" light bar bumper, Spidertrax. 1.25, Mob Amour, XSP-X package
    well, like i said i'm just confused right now about stuff. thanks for everyone trying to help. maybe when she gets home i'll try to have a talk with her about some the issues. i know she has few things she might have to say to me as well. but we have tried this before and nothing ever changed or anything. i just don't wanna be getting a divorce later on down the road or have a child with her and then splitting up. but there have been a few things recently that i noticed that, i'm not for at all. like i said i'll try to talk to her and go from there
     
  11. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:37 AM
    #11
    johneman

    johneman Life is good!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
    Member:
    #11451
    Messages:
    3,290
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Ken
    Warwick, PA
    Vehicle:
    2007 AC 4X4 2.7L 5 speed SR5
    Weston tube steps, EXtang Black Max tonneau cover, Wet Okole's, Front WeatherTek mats
    X2 oldgezer. Been married to the same girl for 37 years...It was a rollercoaster ride in the beginning. Pat,the early years of married life are the learning years. Try to talk it out with her and let her know how you feel and find out how she feels. Sometimes outside help (counseling) is an option. Good luck.
     
  12. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:40 AM
    #12
    KMN-BLU

    KMN-BLU less work/more play

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Member:
    #12021
    Messages:
    1,063
    Gender:
    Male
    Destin, Fl
    Vehicle:
    2016 Limited DCSB 4x4 Blazing Blue
    strap that thing up with a jimmyhat. 18 years of child support aint no fun. (cough cough) speaking from experience here. I have 1 year and 2 months to go until Im done paying and she wont even let me spend time with the child.

    Good luck, I hope it has a happy ending whichever direction you work out.

    You always got your TW bro's here for ya.
     
  13. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:42 AM
    #13
    brianr

    brianr go shit in your hat

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2008
    Member:
    #10289
    Messages:
    9,885
    Gender:
    Male
    Vehicle:
    2010 4x4
    BUILT, not bought...
    women suck because of stuff like that, man.


    x2 man
     
  14. Jan 11, 2009 at 5:55 AM
    #14
    RoyB

    RoyB Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Member:
    #9708
    Messages:
    1,646
    Gender:
    Male
    Chicago burbs
    Vehicle:
    '09 TRD DC Sport
    Did you try talking to her to see if she felt the same way? My buddy just got divorced after several years. He was pretty much the same way you were....just not happy. They talked about it and decided they both felt the same way and a divorce was the best option. On the other hand, I know of couples who were in the same situation and managed to rekindle their marriage and everything worked out fine.

    I suggest mentioning this to her and see what her thoughts are. Just make sure you make up your mind before there are kids involved.
     
  15. Jan 11, 2009 at 6:06 AM
    #15
    Janster

    Janster Old & Forgetful

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Member:
    #1138
    Messages:
    14,256
    Gender:
    Female
    First Name:
    Jandy
    Lancaster, PA
    Vehicle:
    2016 GMC Canyon SLT w/ LineX and....
    I'm not a marriage expert... been happily married for 13 years. My husband and I dated for 4 years before tieing the knot. No kids, no problems and we pretty much live in harmonly and enjoy eachothers company. That's the way it shoud be (atleast, I think it should).

    Do you both 'talk' about your feelings when things are bothering you?

    If something doesn't feel right about something - you really gotta get it out there and talk about it. You gotta have the balls to talk to eachother. You're feeling disconnected..... you gotta find out how she feels. Do you both love eachother enough to stay 'connected' and carry-on a happy marriage? Or .....

    Honestly - talking about it and getting your feelings out in the open will get you re-connected in ways you never thought. You can't hide your feelings about a relationship because it'll fester and get worse. It's all about communication and if you love eachother, you can make it work and you can be happy!!

    Other than that - To stay connected..... find hobbies & interests that you can do 'together'. My husband and I go offroading together, we play airsoft together, we do almost everything together but yet we both have the freedom to do our own thing also. You gotta have a happy medium of everything.

    Ya know - Everyone has dreams. Sometimes keeping the life you have is much better than trying to chase your dreams. It's a decision. Surely, life could be better sometimes. Love is hard to find and even harder to work to keep it. Keeping love and making it work and being happy is a dream in itself.


    Good Luck!! If you love her....than try your hardest to make it work!
     
  16. Jan 11, 2009 at 6:16 AM
    #16
    khaos5407

    khaos5407 Work in progress

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Member:
    #12420
    Messages:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Reisterstown, MD
    Vehicle:
    08 SR5 Tacoma Sport Edition Silver
    Hey Man im sorry to hear about your troubles. Looking at the big picture and the main basis of humans in general it comes down to one thing, people change. No one can help it and no one can change them back, as you get older and as you experience more and more things, the things that you had a connection with before seem to slip away. and give me credit cause im a psychology major haha. What you need to do is see if this is merely a bump in the road, and try and reignite your relationship with a romantic vacation or something like it, or you need to really sit down and communicate with her and see if she is feeling the same way. She will understand believe me just try and stress the point that you want to work things out and you love her but if she is feeling the same way then maybe it is time for a change.

    The best of lluck to you brother I hope everything turns out alright
     
  17. Jan 11, 2009 at 6:18 AM
    #17
    Hot Tamale

    Hot Tamale Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2008
    Member:
    #7496
    Messages:
    6,298
    Gender:
    Female
    First Name:
    Pat
    Henderson, NV
    Vehicle:
    2012 Access Cab 4x2
    X2 to Janster's advice. You have to talk with her. Who knows, maybe she's feeling the same way. Communication is the key here. If you both love each other maybe some couples counseling would help. But you both have to be honest with each other. When you talk with her do it calmly, ask how she feels about the relationship, and don't lay blame for anything. Good luck.
     
  18. Jan 11, 2009 at 6:59 AM
    #18
    Delmarva

    Delmarva Mayor of TW

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2008
    Member:
    #10148
    Messages:
    35,854
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Mike
    Tucson, AZ
    Vehicle:
    12 Tundra TRDRW
    Nada, Zip, Zilch, Nothing
    x3 to Janster. My wife and I have an argument or irritate each other every now and again -- just talk it out.
     
  19. Jan 11, 2009 at 8:08 AM
    #19
    JimmyCrackCorn

    JimmyCrackCorn Atlanta Falcons

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2008
    Member:
    #11292
    Messages:
    766
    Gender:
    Male
    Cumming, GA (N. Atlanta Area)
    Vehicle:
    2008 Black PreRunner TRD Sport
    Aero Kit, 3" Lift, 18% All Around Tint, 50% Windshield Tint, MO 957's (Polished), 285/65/18 Terra Grappler's
    I've been married 11 years. My wife and I have gone through some tough times. We almost got divorced on 2 seperate occasions. We sought help, not through friends and family, but through good counseling. Marriage is not about "feelings". It's about commitment. Feelings change constantly, as well as situations in life, but you committed yourself to another's care whatever the circumstance or however things might change. This article called The Marriage Commitment might help you:

    http://www.unlessthelordmagazine.com/articles/The Marriage Commitment.htm

    Best Wishes...:)
     
  20. Jan 11, 2009 at 9:13 AM
    #20
    luk8272

    luk8272 Poodoo

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Member:
    #4929
    Messages:
    5,879
    Gender:
    Male
    First Name:
    Lucas
    Kaplan, Louisiana
    Vehicle:
    07 Silver4dr. 4x4, V6 Shortbed
    5% Tint, Bug flector, vent Visors, Removed secondary air filter, Rear Spring TSB w/ Wheeler's Add A Leaf HD Pack, Icon 2.0 rear shocks, Toytec 3" lift up front with Total Chaos UCA's, Debadged, Billet Grille,TRD Offroad rims/17x9 Pro comp 6001 rims, Duratracs 265/75/16 or 285/70/17, Fog light anytime mod, Tailgate hose clamp mod, Pro-dry AFE filter. Extended Differential Breather, ABS on/off, 6000k LEDs from CSJumper, heads/fogs, ScanguageII, Devil horns, Devil horns on third brake light, Mounted 60" Highlift, Mounted Tool Box, Wet Okole Front/Rear Seat Covers, TW sticker, Midland Handheld CB,Painted engine cover, Revenge Fab Sliders, ARE Topper, Weather tech Floorliners.
    Good luck my friend I know the feeling.
     
To Top