Whatever

That's prolly because you sleep on the couch...

 

After our lab purchased a new CT scanner Jimmy was tasked with disposing of the giant cardboard box it came in. He nearly cut off his own thumb. Cutting a cardboard box with a handsaw. Bracing the cardboard box with one hand and watching as he slowly hacksawed a line towards it with the other. Not moving his thumb out of the way before he made the first cut. Deciding that the best response was to pull away with his saw hand and not his cut hand. Walking to my office, trailing blood, and saying "um, where do we keep the bleach? I made a biohazard."

We had to make up Jimmy specific rules. Before anyone grabbed the keys to the forklift, Jimmy had to sit at someone's desk and not move until the forklift was shut down again. We had to install a combination lock on the CT room because Jimmy did not understand the giant illuminated "XRAYS IN USE" sign. Jimmy was not allowed to use ladders. Jimmy had to have a full day's training on how to operate a push broom.

We once needed a small box of samples delivered to an address. Jimmy didn't know directions. I printed a map for him. He lights up, "oh I know that area, it's right next to Wayside Middle School." Jimmy was no longer allowed to deliver samples after that.

 

I haven’t been banned or disciplined either...And they tell me at work that I don’t play well with others...Fuckers in HR don’t know SHIT!!!

 

sounds like he needs to be a Walmart greeter and no where near a fucking lab of any sort.

 

And the squirrel stole his nuts

 

Lab manager had a big soft spot in his heart for the charity cases that attended his church. Best stories of my career came from some of his hiring decisions.

 

Subbed for more Jimmy stories. Like why he had to sit in the office while the forklift was on.

 

To keep from getting killed, I would guess.

 

Got to be a story behind that gem, right?
Wtf was he stuck at a desk when lift was running?

 

Probably, but that isn't as interesting as the actual story.

 

That rocker is a kids rocker. Im suppose to paint it for some chick.

 

Good point.

Sub'd for Jimmy tales as well.

 

This is where I do most of my daytime fuckin off.

And a fridge

 

I got it. Thawing the chicken now!

 

Hope you’re not doing another patina paint job on it!

 

Ahh, the married life...

 

Have a wedding to go to this evening, but I'll come back with more. I've forgotten more Jimmy stories than I can remember. Every once in a while a former coworker will still text a random Jimmy story and we all say that we should get together and compile all the stories into a book, but it'll never sell.

The forklift story is a boring one. The most common running lab prank was to sneak up on whomever was operating the forklift and shut off the fuel tank without them seeing. The real trick to that of course is to approach from an angle that won't get you run over- we typically ambushed from the side in an area where the driver was forced to travel slow, or whenever the driver wasn't in gear. Not safe in any circumstances, but it kept us mildly amused in a workday.
Jimmy didn't quite understand the game. He figured the best way to sneak up on a forklift without getting spotted in the mirrors was to crawl up on his hands/knees in the direct six o'clock position. This while the forklift was picking up a pallet, therefore the driver was due to throw it in reverse any second. Jimmy was banned from the game after his first attempt.

Jimmy wasn't allowed to even sit in the forklift, but he really really wanted to. He loved watching it. He always managed to get in the drivers blind spot without the driver knowing, about 2 feet from the rear axle when watching. Jimmy would have been a champion at the game if he had an ounce of self preservation.

 

I'm suspicious.
Maybe something else is going on?