wife is getting unexpected $$

Do you think I should ask her if her uncle said what she can do with the money? If he said to use it just for HER and leave me out or should I just say nothing. I think I have a right to know though. If that is the case then I'm gonna suggest to her that she open up a savings account or account just for her and that money.

 

And I do respect that. I truly do. Thus the reason I was specific about not personally knowing the dynamics of your family. Yes, as a family you are one. However I am sure there are things that you do that she doesn't care for (perhaps she isn't a big fan of off-roading) and there are things she does that you are not into. (Most men are not big on clothes shopping and such) However you both do some things that does not involve the other. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, or that you are not one united couple. It simply means that each of you ARE an individual person, and that you are joined together out of love. You don't loose your individuality. You mentioned yourself that you have your credit cards, and she has hers. Using your dynamic of thinking you are "one" then why mention that? If you were "one" then they ALL would be called "our credit cards" and not "hers" and "mine"

Do you see the point I am making? You can be a couple together, but still be individuals.

 

I can't answer that question. Only you know if talking with her about her uncle is something she would be open to. I will say that the money should not cause an argument, or any mistrust. This is a very sensitive area to say the least. It's not like one of you won a lottery ticket. Someone's beloved family member died. It will be a sensitive spot for sure.


Just a thought, and this is from OUR situation, not yours. When our mom passed, we did take some of the money to pay off some things, but we also used some of the money to go do something in memory of our mother. Something FUN that would set a lasting GOOD memory of the family member who passed. That way something GOOD and HAPPY is a last memory.

 

Yeah I totally understand what you are saying. I just said hers and mine b/c she uses her credit cards and I use mine, BUT I guess I could look at it at the same time and say we both have used our cards for something for us and not just me.

 

I'm assuming a happy marriage, and no statements in the will with stipulations. He gave us the information he gave us and I made assumptions with that information, or else I never would've been able to answer the question. He didn't ask us for opinions so we could say "I don't know everything about your situation, so I can't answer." I stand by my statements, but if there were some other variables he didn't tell us, then it's obviously not going to apply to him.

 

I am along the same thinking lines as you are. If there were no specific directions that came attached with the money, I would treat it no different than winning the lottery or getting a new promotion. Anything other than a mutual decision on what to do with it just seems wrong.

 

Just like I assumed a happy marriage but without knowing the stipulations of the will. That is why I worded it exactly as I did. I also stand by my statement. I simply said I respectfully disagreed, based on the fact that I was in essentially the exact same situation, with a family member who had passed. I did not say you were wrong, I just said that I disagreed with your statement, based on the fact that neither you nor I knew the family dynamics, or the conditions of the will. One cannot simply blanket it with a "the money is both of yours" and leave it at that. My comment was quantified by my statement that IF the money was left strictly to her, then it was rightfully hers to do with as she wished, but I have several times stated that this was an assumption since I did not know the specifics of the will, or the family. You came with a blanket "the money is both, not just hers" without a qualification backing it. Hence my disagreement with what you said. I did nothing different than you when YOU made the assumption of a happy marriage, and no quantifiers to the will. How is that any different than what I did?

 

100% - IF the money was left to her then it is certainly her money. I work in a financial firm and i can tell you many spouses have an issue in this area. It's the beneficiaries decision to share it or not, and the spouse has no entitlement.

Also someone mentioned tax - that completely depends on where the money is coming from, annuity, life insurance, IRA, traditional etc....

 

Because you brought up a less than likely scenario with anecdotal evidence and inferred that my opinion was wrong because it didn't take this into account. I say less than likely because OP didn't mention anything about stipulations and I would presume that it would be important enough to the conversation to be stated. And happy marriage because that's the most likely scenario. I also could've assumed that they were going through divorce proceedings and she was trying to take the money and run. Which is a valid scenario, but less likely. But I hedged my bets against them being happily married and the money being "no strings attached" because, again, that was the most likely scenario. I'm also not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying the circumstances of your answer aren't the same as mine. In fact, the only portion we seem to disagree on is that what to do with the money should be decided upon by BOTH parties, no matter who it was left to. Which, legality aside, is my opinion.

Regardless, our squabbling isn't helping this guy out any so I'm going to leave this thread to the rest of the people trying to give him suggestions. Maybe he'll find one that helps him more than mine.

 

Whatever you do dont go and talk to a personal banker at a local bank branch - these people tend not to know Jack from Jill in regards to anything, much less give you any sound financial advice.

before the rant - Yes, I have been in financing over 13 years and its very rare that any branch employee knows what they are talking about. The real talent is behind the scenes.

I say payoff both of your debt and put whatever you are able to save per month in what you would have paid monthly - into a savigs account and you will have that cushion in no time at all

Best of luck in what you and your spouse decide to do.

 

This was my basis behind the fact that this was the MOST LIKELY SCENARIO, a stipulation in the will that the money was hers. Nuff said, and I will drop it at this point as well.

 

Guys, I appreciate the posts and it definately helps and everybody has helped me look at the big picture and not just what I was seeing from the beginning. I forgot to ask her at lunch if her uncle said anything about if the money was for just her or us. I will ask tonight and just tell her I'm just asking and don't want her to get all up in an up roar.

 

Well pay off all your credit cards and you just might! There is no benefit of having revolving credit.

 

I know thats what I was thinking. A Big lesson learned

 

Pay off your credit cards.
Hell, i only buy stuff if i have the cash to pay for it. if i don't, I wait. i only owe on my new truck and my house. tell the wifey to think of how much interest you are paying every month. that would be how much EXTRA you have every month, if you pay it all off. I know blowing 10k would be fun right now, but you would be right back to square one in short order (aka miserable).

 

What ever is written in the will (notorized) will hold water. Doesn't matter what words were spoken about what to do with the dough.

So if the will says only her name, it is hers, or if it says hers and it must be spend on x, then that will decide the answer.

But if it is unclear and you as a couple decide to use it together, it is most beneficial to pay off ALL debt first. Why keep paying interest if you don't have to?

 

What if YOU got the money, what would you do? You and your wife have the chance to get rid of cc debt, but the kicker is to stay out of it, and not run up it again, where you can't control it. If your wife wouldn't be able to work ,who then would have to pay bills, you would. The cc debt you and your wife have is both of yours . Pay off cc ,cut up but one , to keep for emergency . Marriage is sharing ones life with another good or bad. My .02

 

Get rid of your credit cards and just use your debit card so when you are out of money you can't spend anymore.

 

Yes pay off those CC.
We use ours for everything then pay them off at the end of the month.
You need to have some strong discipline to do this, don't over spend.
I haven't carried a cc balance for more than a month in ten years.

Get a card that will pay you something in return, for us it would be an Amer. express thru Costco.
We get credit back to spend on things in the store.

 

Have to agree!
I only use my CC for business trips...I charge everything on them (hotel, car, food) because I get reimbursed once I file my expense report...I picked up a card that pays 1.5% cash back, so I get to keep that so for the $30 year, card fee I get about $700-750 in rewards back

I pay them off every month, so I pay zero dollars of interest, the only interest I ever paid is my mortgage and that is under 3%...