Work Restroom Etiquette

I think I mentioned this but this one Chief Master Sergeant was in a stall dropping kids off at the pool and someone said he flushed, we assumed wiped and walked out the door, bypassing the sink to wash his hands. Needless to say we never shook hands with him again....

 

I FINALLY REMEMBERED MY FAVORITE BATHROOM WALL WRITING I EVER SAW.

prepare to laugh:

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink.
I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the writing on the walls.

Those who write on bathroom walls,
Roll their shit in little balls.
And you who read these words of wit,
Eat those little balls of shit.

Here I sit, broken hearted
Came to shit and only farted.
Wasted a dime, but what the hell,
At least I can sit, and enjoy the smell.

Here I sit, in the hall of vapors.
Some darn fool done stole the papers.
The bell has rung I must not linger.
Look out ass here comes my finger.

 

I saw this once:

I wish I was a ring upon my true loves hand every time she wiped her ass I would see the promised land.....

 

just got a wicked visual from that one...

 

867-5309

 

Recent shit story:

I was standing in the entryway to our building when the school buses pulled up. A big boy junior (I work in a high school) comes piling off the bus and running into the building. It had snowed and the entryway was a little slippery. He makes it about 3 long steps before his feet fly out from underneath him and he's airborne going feet first. He comes down hard on his back and lays there dazed for a minute. I asked him if he was ok and he springs to his feet and sprints for the boys' bathroom. About 10 seconds later I hear, "God damn it! I shit myself!" He spent the rest of the day "commando" and didn't seem to mind. I call it the slip and shit incident.

 

Another funny shit related work incident:

I was in a classroom observing a discussion on the Holocaust. The lights were off because they had been looking at a slideshow on a computer projector. They're in the middle of a really deep discussion about the atrocities that occurred when a girl, in an attempt to comfort herself, pulled her knees to her chest in kind of a self hug. The result of which was a pretty gnarly fart. The kids were so shocked they didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The silence afterward was deafening. I about lost it. That incident has forever become known as The Holocaust Fart.

 

Sympathetic gassing?

 

No Meat Gazing!! Man that creeps me the f*ck out!

 

The local contractors in the middle east did that on base all the time. Boot prints on the toilet seat and water. Fucking. Everywhere. Looked like a peacock sat in a birdbath and had a seizure.

In a port-a-potty in Kuwait Naval Base




My last unit in the Coast Guard was an 87 foot patrol boat. Toilets have the opening about the size of a silver dollar and are operated by compressed air. About once a month someone would drop a deucer and clog it. Plungers don't apply here.

We had to hook up a laptop (a toughbook from 1998, same with the software!) pressurize the tank and literally blow the log back out. Beastie Boys was always the music of choice, not sure why.

 

Or at least make loud farting noises if you don't have a good real one queued up, lol............

 

Reading this whole thread at work has me laughing so hard my boss just threatened to send me home....So of course I sent him the link to it and I swear I think hes crying at his desk.........

 

Buddy of mine went to go take a shit. There was a guy in the shitter next to him on an interview. My buddy proceeded to be as loud as possible with grunts and farts while taking his shit.

 

Job interview?

 

Yep!

 

I wish that I was still young enough and naive enough that this sort of shit didn't surprise me.

 

I want to find the sonofabitch who keeps turning the toilet paper backwards. It must clearly flow over the roll. Duh.

He needs to disinvited from employment here.

 

The only time the backwards toilet paper thing is of use is if you have small kids or cats in the house because when they try to unroll it all on the floor it doesn't roll the right way for that to happen. Any other instances of this is just wrong.